Dustmeister

So far Dusty has been a real sweetie through her heat.
She follows me even more than usual, only to crouch and riggle every time I speak to her.
She has been going to bed when I do - she sleeps next to me, and sleeping through the night.
There has been no caterwauling, she hasn't even gotten loud.
My heart goes out to the poor thing though.
Lot's of scratching and petting to give whatever comfort I can, I refuse to go as far as some have.
That's just wrong on so many levels. I don't think I could bring myself to molest my cat.
Hopefully this will be the worst of it and I can schedule her to be fixed after Christmas.
This is just one of the many things I have neglected doing over the last few months.
Grief really is a bitch that turns your life inside out, upside down and backwards.

Negative is a Good Thing

The pet scan is clear. No uptake, no lymph nodes,negative, nada, no cancer.

It's a good thing.

Now it's a matter of figuring out just what caused the nodules.

I cried tears of relief and gratefulness.

Thank you God, Goddess, the Universe, fate.

Better than the Cat's Meow

I've been rather mum about my Mom. I think you all deserve an update.

Mom is back in sinus rhythm. We found that out the day I brought her in to be cardioverted. Mom has been on heavy meds to keep her pulse/BP and heart rate down. Since she hadn't been banging away at 160, she didn't realize she had converted on her own. Now they are backing down the heavy meds, which were exhausting her and she's on the anti arrhythmia meds. Hopefully she's stay in normal rhythm now. She looks better and is feeling much better.

I took Mom for a PET scan Monday. Fourteen nodules showed up on her lungs on the CAT scan she had for her heart. Yes, you read that right. She's seeing the same pulmonologist my Dad did. Apparently, they are too small to be biopsied. Mom sees the Doc tomorrow for all the results. A good sign is that her CEA is still within her normal range. What made me feel most optimistic though, was a comment from Moms cardiologist: "There are so many of them (nodules), if they were cancer - you'd be dead". I shit you not. That's what he said. Blunt, to the point - my kind of Doc.

Mom has to be OK. I know that I would not survive if something were to happen to her. We are both still having a very hard time getting through each day without my Dad.

Christmas is only intensifying that loss. Daddy sat on the couch with Mom last year and wondered out loud if he would be here for this Christmas, before breaking down in tears. He was too sick to even decorate the tree. He didn't want to leave us, he had so much more living to do.

Now that you're understanding my frame of mind, add to that steaming pile a walking, sulking, moody, mouthy, know-it-all, pecker-headed teenager.

I reluctantly broke down and bought a Christmas tree Monday. The only decorations in the house are the ones my son puts up, and there are no lights outside. I'd prefer to go to sleep and wake up January 2nd. The walking attitude I live with opens his mouth and I just want to heave him & the tree out the door and give him a big pile of coal in his stocking. Bill Cosby is right - kids are BRAIN DAMAGED.

Are you getting the picture of my world now?
It's becoming absurd.
It's so not funny that it's hilarious.
Seriously.
Don't believe me?
Here's the icing on the proverbial shitpile.
Are you ready?


Dusty is in heat.

Go ahead and laugh.
For those of you unfamiliar of what living with a cat in heat is like. Go here.

Isn't that just the Cat's Ass?

This is Hell and It's Frozen Over

I'm sure you've all heard about the big storm in New England yesterday.

Boy was it fun.

NOT!

I left work at 12:45.

I arrived at my Mom's at 3:15.

2 1/2 hours to go 14 miles.

Mom left work at 2.

She arrived home at 6.

I felt really bad that I didn't get through to the hospital before Mom left work. She's petrified of driving in the snow. Dad always drove her during those times. As she put it "I miss my snow chauffeur". I was going to pick her up but didn't get in touch with her before she left.

I think the entire state of Massachusetts was gridlocked yesterday. Everyone left work at the same time and the storm hit hard and fast. People were running out of gas and breaking down on the highways because they were sitting for hours. One poor guy on that called in to a radio station said he had pulled into a rest area to pee. An hour and 45 minutes later he still couldn't get back on the highway - no one would let him into traffic!

I hung out at Mom's until 8 to give everyone a chance to get home. I sailed home in 30 minutes. There were very few cars on the road then, mostly plows.

I had a hell of a time getting son up this morning. It wasn't pretty. I left and told him if he didn't get his ass up and to school I was calling the cops. He only shoveled my driveway enough for my car. I left the house to go shovel Mom's walkways, which he was supposed to help with.

He's been giving me a really, really hard time as of late. He is making stupid choices. It got to the point that his truck is being sold, it's up at his father's and I'm taking it off the road. He shouldn't have a vehicle if he doesn't have a job to buy his own gas and pay insurance. I'm not so sure we are going to make it, he and I. He's becoming uncontrollable and I'm out of options. He's utterly defiant, verbally abusive and refuses to do as he is told. His father won't take him. I can't even get a CHINS (Child in Need of Services) through the court because son is 17 1/2 now, with the maturity of a 5 year old.

I miss my Dad. He'd know what to do.

I'm in love with Charlie and you will be too!

You will fall in love with this guy named Charlie.

Great photography.

A word of caution; your heart just might explode.

Found courtesy of Dooce.

A Friend Stopped by Work Today For Lunch

He brought his own.

A sparrow.

It was more of a snack though and gone within 5 minutes.

62

He Would have been 62 today.

Happy Birthday Daddy.
I miss you with every piece of my broken heart.

Nuts

I have a friend whose a real nut.

A wonderful, thoughtful, kind caring beautiful nut!














That has gone out of her way to make my day once again!














I'm not kidding, she's totally nuts!











Imagine my surprise at work when I received this shoe box full of fresher than fresh pecans from KFarmer.
Son has been enjoying them too.
Me thinks I must try my hand at a pecan pie with this manna from my angel friend.
Thank you so much sweet K.

Mom Update

Tomorrow I take Mom for a chemical stress test. I'm not exactly sure what will happen after. We had an evaluation at MGH last week and I believe they want to try anti-arrhythmia meds with cardio-version to see if she stays in a normal heart rhythm. Mom is not pro anti-arrhythmia meds because of the side affects. I'm in agreement. It's a step we must take none-the-less. Her last cardio-version only lasted a week before she went back into A-fib.

My hope is that something will be done to get her back to a normal heart rate and a normal life. Things are tough enough without this shit.

Mornie utúlië

Enya - May It Be

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh! How far you are from home

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be you journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Mornie utúlië (darkness has come)
Believe and you will find your way
Mornie alantië (darkness has fallen)
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

Need a Laugh

Go HERE and read this.
Then go HERE and watch this.
You won't be sorry.
Happy Friday.

Again

Did I tell you that Mom is in A-Fib again?

Since she went back into A-fib so soon after being cardioverted they are going to take a different approach this time: Cardiac Ablation.
A bit of roto-router for the heart.
Ducky.
Hopefully this will fix the problem for good.
Once again, my poor Mom is in a holding pattern, unable to work or do much of anything.

Tarot

I just went here for a free tarot reading. It's been quite a while since I've been there. I'm always shocked at how accurate their readings are. I give you my reading below. I actually gasped and welled up when I read the first card.

Give it a shot yourself and see what you think.

Where you stand now
Death
Changes: the end of the old and the birth of the new.

You are faced with a parting, a letting go, or the end of something. This may be a long wished for and liberating ending, or a painful experience. Regardless, it always stands for a natural end. It is time to let go of something, be it a person or situation. Do not deny yourself the natural deep experience of parting and the related life-accepting experiences. This will help prepare you for new things which are soon to come.

Where you want to be (your goal)
The Emperor
Material success, stability, authority and ambition.

This card represents your goal. You may want to gain more stability and grounding through identifying with a powerful group of some kind, whether religious, cultural, intellectual, or political. This may give more depth and meaning to your life by helping to validate your inner Self. You may be feeling a need to belong to a group that helps provide structure and continuity in your life.

Your path
The Chariot
A struggle or conflict, yet strong potential for triumph over adversity.

This card represents your path. Be resolute and goal-oriented in finding the solution to your problem. Free yourself of old, too familiar viewpoints, primarily the opinions of others, and try to see the matter in a new, more appropriate light. Realize that you have to take new paths.

Blast From the Glory Days

Journey came out with this video the year after I graduated. A friend who had seen this video swore I was in it. I had to agree with the resemblance, when I finally saw the video. Right around -2:47 seconds in you'll see my twin. And, yes, I wore headbands back then, I think I still actually have some from then too.



I give you these yearbook photos as proof.
Circa 1982.
You be the judge.

 

 

 

Happy Halloween

I didn't have it in me to dress up this year for Halloween. It was once my fav holiday.
Anyhoo here's a pic from a couple years ago at work.




Don't eat too much chocolate (as if there is such a thing).

Unbelievable

This makes me sick.
Here is their website.

Read the comments in the guest book.

I feel bad for the girl. It's a terrible tragedy, an accident.
It will be tough for the parents to pay all the medical expenses, maybe impossible.
That's the risk you take when you become a parent. Anything can happen.
To bring such a frivolous & ludicrous lawsuit against the planners and designers blows my mind.
That lawsuit should be thrown right out, immediately.
This sue happy mentality disgusts me.

Halloween's Past

Daddy & me.

Things that go together.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Groucho Marx

ACES!

Captive Audience

No matter where she may be in the house; Dusty always comes running whenever I sit on the toilet. She meows for scratches and purrs away. Tabitha did the same thing, until The Terrorist arrived.
I could be sitting on the couch for an hour and not see Dusty. Plop my ass on the commode and there she is.
What is it with cats and the toilet?

This is so Cool!

I just booked the first two tickets (seats 1 & 2) to see John Edward in Boston in February!!!!!!!
I'm giddy! Sqweeing with delight and having a total fan girl moment!

Mom & I talked about John Edward last week and I had told her that there wasn't anything scheduled in our area that wasn't already sold out or had passed. I recently bought his newest book - Practical Praying. I just happened to go to his site today, low and behold - 2008 dates! It's going to be a gallery setting (small group) not an auditorium and it could even be filmed for TV! (If it is - I'll be the one with the endlessly running tears and snot faucet!)

Whether or not you believe in psychic mediums, John has something going on. He comes out with such off the wall and unique validations for people. It would be more than just comforting to have it validated that my Dad is still here with us.

The timing of this has got to be more than just coincidence.


At last - something to look forward to!

More Pics

Anniversary

Although Mom states she doesn't have an anniversary anymore, today would have been their 44th wedding anniversary.
The following pics are from an early 80's anniversary limo ride & dinner.


Dad is singing Elvis in the center pic.

Their love was not only a love of a lifetime, it transcends death.
I know my Dad is sending love and roses still.

I Poisoned my Cat

I raced to the bedroom to break up what I thought was another cat fight. The banging from behind the night stand sounded intense. I moved the nightstand and Tabitha lurched out. I pulled her out further and to my horror she was in the midst of a full blown seizure. All her muscles were taunt, she was practically convulsing.

I immediately scooped her up and put her in the sink to wash off the greasy flea treatment that stained her back. It's the only reason I could think of for this happening: she was having a reaction.

D walked in as I was cuddling Tabitha in a towel and rocking her. D has experience with seizures. Her adopted standard poodle, Samantha, has suffered them more than once. She understood my worry.

Tabitha walked on her haunches but responded to petting, her hind end would raise when I hit her ass button. She vocalized a few times but was very disoriented and couldn't focus to eat or drink. D could see I had my hands full and left with a "Call me if you need me".

As the minutes ticked by, Tabitha worsened. She couldn't stand any longer. She just laid on her side, twitching uncontrollably. It reminded me of my Dad towards the end. The medication made him twitch and his arms and legs would flail.

I called the new vets office, closed. I called my previous vet. After some time on hold, the receptionist told me that the on call doc could see her but there'd be a $75 emergency fee....blah...blah.... I explained that I had treated Tabitha with some spot on flea treatement yesterday and that she had been perfectly healthy up to this point. I didn't get any indication one way or the other that I should bring her in immediately. I was told that I could watch her and if she had more than 3 seizures in an hour, I should seek treatment. I didn't feel reassured or guided in any direction.

I phoned D and she phoned a friend that works in a vet office with my info. D called back and said that her friend had seen an allergic reation such as this in a kitten recently, the kitten almost died. At this point, Tabitha couldn't even stand, her body was twitching badly and when she started purring in response to my petting and talking to her - she went into convulsive twitching.

It was 8PM at this point and I headed off to a local 24/7 emergency hospital.

I was afraid more than once, on the ride there, that I had lost her. I kept my hand on the carrier to make sure there was still movement. Right before I arrived, I think she seized again.

The receptionist took her right away down the hall, shouting I need help with a cat here. I couldn't even remember my own phone number when I was filling out the form. The receptionist was so patient and reassuring with me. I relayed my info about the flea treatment. I couldn't remember what brand it was, I had bought it back in the spring. I had one left over from a 3 pack. It was generic, I bought it at the grocery store. When I was finally done, they put me in exam room 4 to wait, it was 8:37.

I paced. Son called twice. D called. I wanted to throw up.

At 9:07 the Dr. came in. A young, fresh faced brunette. She confirmed my suspicions of it being a poisoning from pyrethrins. She reassured me to not feel guilty because it's sold as safe. But, it isn't. The Vet expressed her outrage at these products being sold. It's a common occurance for this to happen to cats treated with over the counter pyrenthins. They should be outlawed.

Tabitha was on IV fluid and heavily sedated with muscle relaxants to stop the twitching, which could lead to another seizure. They bathed her again, because the stuff is oil based. They would keep her overnight and, depending on how she was in the AM, I could take her home. She would need to be treated at home with muscle relaxants for a few days. She was honest with the treatment being expensive and some pet owners not being able to afford the cost. She would have an estimate drawn up and they would require a deposit on treatment.

This is my Princess. She's 13 years old, and moves like a kitten. (The vet commented on what great shape she is in for a 13 year old). This is my baby that will leap from the floor to my chest and rest on my shoulders as long as I will let her.

It was my fault. I did this to her. Tabitha was once an aggressive and easily spooked 2 year old & would attack strangers that held her. She has grown into a loving, affectionate, gentle lady that loves to greet company and won't even fight back a young punky interloper.

I paid the $516 deposit and left her in the capable hands of the hospital. They brought her to me, still wet from another bath, limp & sedated. They put tears in her eyes because she couldn't even blink. She was out of it, but relaxed. Only her whiskers were twitching now.I can call to check on her at any time (24/7). Hopefully, I'll be able to pick her up in the morning. I'll take the day off, if I need to.

I called Mom on the way home. Mom is out of work again because she is in A-Fib. Set off by being totally freaked that her car registration expired last Sunday. We were in Maine and I was planning on doing the bills for her again. She started without me and went into panic mode when she hit that particular bill. I tried to reassure her, but she was convinced that she'd be pulled over on the way to work and have her car towed and arrested since it'a a felony to drive unregistered in Massachusetts. I got online that night at home and processed the registration. The paper print out was little comfort to her since it wasn't a confirmation of registration. That Monday, she was convinced that every car was occupied by a police officer on her way home. She felt better when e-mail revealed a confirmation she could carry with her as proof of registration. She went into A-Fib Tuesday morning. She can't handle that kind of stress. I tried joking with her "Jeez -imagine if you did something really wrong!" She see's the cardiologist tomorrow to find out if she will be cardioverted again. It's my fault, I slacked off on going there and taking care of the bills.

My grief is nothing, compared to hers. I need to make sure I take better care of my Mother. I won't survive losing her too and, I need to be there for her.

The well is running dry here. If anything else happens, I just might fold like a house of cards.
I'm not looking for sympathy here. I've been extremely lax in posting, now you know why. I've read the very kind comments, I just haven't had the time, or frame of mind to respond, or post more frequently. At times, I feel as though I'm losing my mind, other times, getting through the day is all I can manage.

I start a "Loss of a Parent" support group Thursday. This new world without my Daddy completely sucks. I don't imagine that there is any "easy" or "good" way to deal with the loss of a parent. Devastating is an understatement.

In the stillness of remembering what you had...

I had a dream about my Dad this morning. The first time since he died. It was odd and disturbing.
It went like this:

I answered a ringing phone and my Dad was on the line.
"They made a mistake, I'm not dead" he said.
"I don't understand" I replied "What, are you in some kind of coma?"

Then the goddamn radio alarm went off and I woke up. I slammed the snooze button and tried to get back to the dream. Instead I became a secret observer, eavesdropping at the vets office. (This might have had something to do with Dusty licking my arm and sticking her whiskers in my face while I was sleeping).

I see the Vet speaking with his assistant as they are preparing my bill.
The assistant says "Oh, I understand, just keep zapping it until it hit's $400."

My alarm went off again and I staggered to the bathroom without even really opening my eyes.
As I was getting in the shower I smelled my Dad, ever so briefly.... but it was his scent none-the-less.

Strange Days indeed.

If Only

My eldest nephew, Shane, is seven.
He was driving by a cemetery with his father.

"Is that where Grampa is?"

"No, Grampa is in another cemetery, in Wilmington."

"Can't we go dig him up and take him to the hospital?"




If only....

The First of the Lasts

Today is the last first day of school my son will ever have.

12 years ago I put him on the Kindergarten bus for the first time.

I cried, so did my Dad, because he made sure he was there to see his Grandson get on the bus for the first time.

I wish I could call him up and share that with him.

The Hierarchy

As with any animal pack, there is a hierarchy. Mine is no acception. Even though I make jokes about princesses and diva's, there are grains of truth in those titles. Though the following post may sound like a soap opera, I assure you - it's true. Anyone that has ever been owned by more than one pet will relate.

Let me start with one item of note - Dusty is a female. Yes, the vet mis-sexed her. When I first found her and looked - I thought female. The vet said male. When we were in Maine on vacation, I held Dusty, belly up, to my Mom and asked "Do you see a penis or a lil vajayjay?" She thought as I did. There were no lil hidden testacles. Doesn't give me a lot of confidence in my new vet. Son just chimed in with "Another girl?" He lives in a home of 5 females, he's a bit outnumbered.

I am the Pack Leader of this crew. Everyone knows I am the Alpha Female, or The Boss, everyone except my 17 year old son. That's OK though, he's the fledgling male of this bunch. He's about to leave the nest. Unless he changes his attitude, he's going to be pushed from this nest, fledged or not.

Now, onto the pack standing.

I consider Cuddles the Queen Mum. She's been around the longest, she's either 20 or 21 - we're not certain. My Bro found her in a dumpster in his Jr. year of highschool, that's also the year he repeated. Hence the confusion. She has no real power. She is old. She just wants to live out her days in peace and comfort. She's earned it.

Tabitha is the princess. She's spoiled and feels she deserves all the attention. She self righteously feels that she is the only one qualified to torment the Queen Mum. Tabitha has begrudgingly allowed Julieta to remain, only because Julieta obeys her commands and stays out of her way.

All has been quiet and harmonious in our little kingdom until, Dusty.

Dusty is a usurper. Dusty has upset the delicate balance of things. Dusty doesn't give a shit about a hierarchy. Dusty is here to party, and wreak havoc. Dusty takes great delight in tormenting the Princess, she's the only one that fights back.

The Queen Mum made her position known from the beginning. Pretty much a "Don't Fuck with ME" stance. I like her style, lay down the rules from the beginning. Dusty got the message. Other than running back and forth from the bedroom and leaping over the Queen Mum in the hallway, just brushing her fur, Dusty basically leaves her alone. It's actually pretty funny to watch. Poor old Cuddles is hard of hearing and doesn't hear Dusty coming. By the time Cuddles hisses, Dusty is in the living room, only to repeat the process while heading towards my bedroom.

Julieta was heartbroken and insulted by the hostile reception she received from the new addition. She hung her head with rejection and retreated to her den. Dusty realized that Julieta wasn't going to eat her and has since decided that Julieta's tail is a most interesting prey - as long as the big threat; the teeth, are facing the other way. Dusty even became so brazen as to attack Julieta's tail when she was laying on the couch. Julieta wasn't in the mood for the sharp claws and made her feelings known by a growl and jab. Dusty's response was to turn her back against the couch (if I can't see the dog - she can't see me) and continue her assault. I was proud of her for setting some limits with a second, firmer, vocal admonition. There was nothing predatory in her action, just a "back off, bitch" message. Julieta has even expressed some playful interest by approaching Dusty with a wagging tail and playful stance. I've seen her attempt this with the other felines, rejection was all she got, and she immediately backed off. Dusty still isn't sure of Julieta's intentions and responds by becoming a Halloween cat. Kind of a joke at her size, even when turned sideways with a fluffy tail. I have a feeling this will change in the future. Being the two with the least seniority in the pack, I have a feeling they will become the best of friends.

Tabitha, on the other hand, had a "hissy" fit when Dusty arrived. Tabitha would hiss and run away. It took her a few days before she came out of the bedroom. Bad move on her part, gave up her power.

Dusty has become the Court Jester. Or, as my son referred to her this morning, "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour". She takes great pleasure in tormenting Tabitha on her thrown (the back of the recliner - the "highest" position in the living room). The taunts range from simple jumping and touching to all out pounces during naps.

Yes, the fur has flown.

Cat fights sound much worse than they actually are. Tabitha, being part Siamese, is especially vocal. The fights are, at times, so loud as to draw my son away from his video game. He appears from his room, eyes wide, wondering if he will find blood spatter on the walls. He's amazed at the ferocious sounding encounters.

I've only found the need to intervene with Dusty's behavior on a few occasions. Any interest in my bird (or Mom's Cockatiel when on vacation), has been met with a couple quick streams from a water spray bottle. I once found her hanging from the side of the bakers rack I have my birdcage on. Bird squawks alerted me. I always have the spray bottle handy and nailed her twice. She hasn't seemed to bother Galileo since, although, I don't know what happens when I am not at home. In Maine, after the first squirt - just the sound would cause "kitty burn out" ( the art of tearing up the floor trying to gain traction from back feet moving so fast). On vacation, Dusty spent her nights in a bedroom with me and Julieta. Julieta had one of two twin beds in the room. The second night, I had to put Dusty in her carrier because she wouldn't settle down. After that, she would go into purr mode and knew it was time to sleep. When we returned from vacation, I had to put Dusty in her carrier at 11:30 PM on the first night because she wouldn't stop harrassing the other felines. She spent the night there, on the bed with me. The next night, when the same behavior ensued, I put her in the bathroom with a litter box. Since then, she knows that when I go to bed - playtime is over. She's a smart kitty. There are going to be problems though, until Tabitha asserts herself.

I never thought of Tabitha as insecure, until now. She seeks more attention and affection to be assured of her position, which I lovingly give. She needs to get over the jealousy and assert her position as Queen. I'm sure she will reach her limit at some point and lay down a beating.

Until then, I'm enjoying the antics of the Court Jester.

Not Guilty

Google the words "no such thing as a coincidence" and see what you come up with. What follows falls into that category.

Not 5 minutes after I hit "publish" on my last blog my work phone rang. The caller ID came up as Bob & Ginny's number. I picked up the phone and said "You just read my blog, didn't you?" Bob chuckled but didn't give an answer one way or the other. He asked about my Dad's truck (still parked in front of the house) and we made arrangements for him picking it up, cleaning it out and selling it. The truck was part of the company Bob and my Dad started so many years ago.

My Mom and I have mixed emotions about the truck. It's a familiar and comforting fixture, parked in front of the house. It's also a dam breaking torrent of emotion, when you pull onto the street and for a nanosecond think "Daddy's home". It hasn't happened very often for me, but it's overwhelming when it does. Neither me, or my Mom currently have the mental capacity to sell it. I'm grateful that Bob and his son, Dan are taking care of it.

We arranged to meet at the house after I got out of work. I would try and track down the title and spare keys.

I told Bob that Mom and I had spoken about how guilty we've felt for not being in touch, about how I've missed talking to him and how hard a time I've been having. Bob expressed the same feelings. We chatted a bit more and said our goodbye's.

Not 5 minutes later, the phone rang again with Bob's number. He told me how he got off the phone, and spoke to his wife about what I had said when I answered the phone. Ginny then got online and read my blog.

"How weird is that?" I said.
"I know! I was wondering why you answered the phone like that". Bob responded.

I'm glad Bob picked up the phone and called me. We were both feeling the same way. We both needed that re-connection. I felt the warm fuzzies after I wiped my tears away.

The Force was strong that day.

Still have doubts?

I spent at least 45 minutes going through files and folders that afternoon looking for the truck title. I had found all the sets of keys and remote door doohickeys for it. I started going through the various compartments in the truck.

Where do you think I found the title?

In the glove box.

It was very odd to find it there. My Dad knew that the title should be kept someplace safe, certainly not in the glove box. Way too convenient for a thief. he Title for Moms car was found in a hanging file folder in Dad's Den/Office.

I was on the phone with Ginny, when Bob & Dan arrived to pick up the truck.

I received one of the most needed, and best hugs ever, when I went out to greet them.

There was something beyond human awareness at work that day.

The Universe?

The Force?

God?

A Higher Power?

My Dad?

Whatever it was...it was more than coincidence.

Random thoughts

I tried posting a couple pics of Maine last night but Picasa was not cooperating.
Plus.....unploading pics on dial up connections takes foreva!

Dusty is taking great delight in tormenting the shit out of Tabitha. He just wants to play. Tabitha hisses and growls....slinks across the floor.....Dusty is a hit and run driver. He loves to ambush, piss off and then retreat. It's pretty funny to watch.

I have a desk full of work to finish and things to tie up before I go on vaca, then I still have a million and one things to do at home to get ready & pack. I feel like I need to rent a UHaul just to get everything & everyone in one vehicle.

I have a major case of the guilty's going on too. I haven't spoken with Bob (Dad's business partner & best friend) since shortly after the party in June. I feel terrible about it. I've been having a very tough time and I don't want to dump on him. I know how hard it's been for he and Ginny and I know he'll probably be ticked that I haven't called for that reason. He would love nothing more than for me to lean on him - we both miss my Dad so much. I haven't sent him the pictures from the party yet either. I was without my PC for almost a month and haven't gotten it together enough to finish everything up. (That's part of why I want to bring my PC to Maine for vaca).

So here is a formal apology to Bob and Gin for my absence. I miss talking to you guys and would really like a great big hug. I'll give you a call from Maine and catch up. I love you guys!


On a footnote: My bro has had his ski mobiles under the deck and directly in front of the master bedroom slider for 9 months now (In Maine). He was told back in late April/early May that he need to get them out of there. I even have a trailer I was going to give him for it. As of Wednesday - they were still sitting there. I spoke with bro and told him he had a day and a half to get them out of there. If they are still there when we get up to Maine - I'm calling someone to come get them & sell them, bro can turn over the titles to Mom as payment for all the cash he has borrowed and promised to pay back. He has made all kinds of promises to Mom, he's never around (at all), never finished the yard work he promised to do in April, does nothing to help out my Mom. I'm fed up with him. I've had it with his lying ass. The prick.

OK - done venting for now. I'd better get my own ass in gear - so much to do, so little time!

Size Me

Oprah made it all the rage. Up until yesterday - I had never been fitted for a bra.

Don't get me wrong, I love "the girls" and want to take care of them. Having someone that reminds of my Grandmother measure and fondle them wasn't something I was looking forward to though.

Let me tell you ladies, run, don't walk to your nearest lingerie store and get properly fitted for a bra. I wish I had done it years ago. Marjorie, the grandmotherly lady that measured me was so matter of fact about the whole thing I was put at ease right away. She measured me right in the middle of the store, right over my clothes. To prove to me that she knew her stuff, she declared my size before measuring me, she nailed it. Not my boob - my size. Dirty minds!

She picked out two bras for me, one black, one white (fits the basic needs). I had received a gift certificate from my Aunt for this particular store. D had met me at the store after work, she needed a new sports bra. The sneaky wench got me another $50 gift certificate as a belated b'day and a thank you gift. She had left after getting her purchase but called me just a couple minutes later. "Make sure you buy one sexy bra and not just a bunch of old lady bras".

Marjorie got a hoot out of that and picked out a transparent brown lacy number for me. I left with 4 well fitting new bras and a smile on my face.

Ladies, a great bra not only lifts the boobies - it can lift your spirits.

It's almost as if there is some kind of link with our brains and nipples. Gravity takes over and sends them Earthward, our head follows. We look down, it is, after all , the direction they are pointing. With a new bra, man! They aim forward! I need to follow.....they even look perky! Much like me today.

Spend the $30 or $40 bucks to get a great bra. You're worth it, they are worth it, and you will feel better about just about everything. Cradle those girls in support and comfort - you'll be glad you did!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't click here unless you want to win a 37 inch flat panel LCD. Contest sponsored by Best Buy

Not too shabby.

One more day till vaca!

I'm going to try and post some PICs of Maine. I realized from KFarmers comment that I talk about it so much yet no one has the visual. A few pictures and you'll understand the magick of the place.

2 days till vacation

Need a laugh?

You can always count on Danny to at least make you smile.
******************************************************
Dusty thoroughly enjoys chasing Tabitha down the hall.
He thinks it's a game.
She's running for her life.
Although, she now ventures out of the bedroom and observes the whirling dervish from the height of the recliner.
Since Tabitha resembles Dusty's Mom, he sometimes mumbles his meows while heading straight for her.
One hiss reminds him "Not the Momma!"

Things have settled down enough though that I had all three cats on my bed at the same time - without flying fur. He is a hoot though, chasing every imaginary mouse or accidental hand movement he sees.

I will post video soon. He's just too funny not to share.
******************************************************
I saw two Red Drangonflies in my backyard the other day. I've never seen one that color before. It was pretty cool.
******************************************************
Sunday night son and I watched Rocky Balboa (most of it) on a 4X8 sheet of white plywood. It was very cool to watch a movie outside, with the Bats and the stars.
It will be even better when I get the permanent screen up (16X9).
******************************************************
I'm hoping we can see some of the Perseid meter showers in Maine this weekend. Although they peaked Sunday, we might still be able to see a few. There is little light pollution on the lake and son has never seen a meteor shower. Fail that - there is the Lunar Eclipse on the 28th. But New England isn't a great vantage point for this one.
******************************************************
It's HUMP DAY!
Enjoy, it's all downhill from here.

Two Years

Can you believe it's been two years?

Two very difficult horrible years.

My Grandmother has gone to North Carolina for 3 weeks with my Aunt & Uncle.
It's good, my Mom & Grandmother need a break from each other.

Only someone that lives with my Grandmother can truly understand just how hard it is.

Mom, son and I will be taking a weeks vacation soon and heading to Maine. There's a lot of work to do, but it will also be the first real vacation away from home for me in 9 years. Of course, with the dog, the kitten, the bird & the kid coming........

It won't be all work though. Mom wants to go to the ocean for a day.

I also splurged on a new toy. I already tried it out at home - it's so freakin cool! The refurbished Moviemate 25 all in one projector was a steal at $450. I have to give big kudos to Epson. I ordered the unit online on Friday, got free shipping and it was delivered MONDAY! Now that's some good customer service. Son thinks he died and went to heaven - Halo on the big screen?! A teen dream. It should be nice watching movies on the deck in the evenings.

And now - for a few laughs:

This is gonna catch on like wildfire......NOT

This is too cute for words.

Crazy like a Fox.

Backyard entertainment.

Happy Friday - have a good weekend, just not too good.

Dusty, the Double Dew Claw Devil

He's in full kitten mode. I have become a launching and landing pad. I have the scratches on my thighs to prove it. He bounces more than Tigger. I'm talking uncontrolled flight when he's going full tilt. He can leap coffee tables in a single bound, loves skidding across the kitchen floor on plastic bags or diving at a full run into a paper bag. He has brought my son to hysterical laughter chasing the feather & bell on a string.

He and Cuddles have napped together on the couch - within 6 inches of each other. He's dying to pounce on Julieta and will get very close as long as her back is turned, but he'll still verbally backfires (spits) when nose to nose. Tabitha has even started to venture out of the bedroom.

He has squirmed his way into my heart forever. He's even had free roam of the house for the last two nights. He responds well to a verbal "Nah uh" or hiss from me when he is about to get into trouble.

He does everything with gusto. He plays hard, sleep so soundly he has fallen off the windowsill and slept right through rain coming in the window and soaking him. He eats like a champ and who knew such a big stink could come out of such a lil butt.

He has made me laugh more in the last week than I have in the last two years. I have no doubt he was brought into my life for a reason and has already repaid me with love and joy.

I don't think I've saved him - He is saving me.

Random Surfs

Made in China isn't so cheap anymore. Maybe it's just me, but this is like a terrorists wet dream waiting to happen.

Our country really is starting to fall apart at the seams. My heart goes out to those family's. It's something I never really think is possible when I cross a bridge. At least, that's what I used to think. Now I'll be more likely to avoid bridges whenever possible.

For every disaster like this most recent one, there are at least a few heroes.



I got this E-mail today:

Hi,
My name is Katherine Johnson. I run a Humanitarian Organisation/Orphanage home
that caters for Children who have no homes .I have been doing this for some
years now with my Husband,James Johnson,and Few close friends of mine (Jenny
Scoggins and Michael Donald ). The name of My organization is Katherine
Johnsons Orphanage center, based in the city of Lancs , England , UK here. I
want you to know that Thousands of children’s lives were lost recently ,
when this deadly volcano came up and destroyed so many cities in Ecuador
,thousands of children were left homeless recently in Ethiopia ,Africa when
this Deadly flood swept across the country .Again severe watery diarrhea had
spread and killed so many children in Northern Australia .This are all
peoples Children just like me and you , who have been nurturing dreams of
becoming someone great someday.

It is because of the above sad experiences in the lives of so many children
that we came together few years ago ,to set up this foundation (Katherine
Johnson ORPHANAGE HOME ),with the aim of catering for this Children, and
given them a new sense of belonging , we feed , house them, and give them a
new future, which they taught they have lost finally .

God had been so good, and our Orphanage works had been growing steadily this
past few years. We have been able to build Orphanage home in South Africa, we
have set up a catering center for the children in Ecuador. We are set to do
even more, since there have been increase in the number of children suffering
from neglect.

As a result of this great works and because people want to be a part of
making this children happy(after all it is more blessed to give than to
receive, and again ,it is not how long we live that matters and will always
be remembered , BUT IT IS JUST the number of lives we are able to touch with
the few years we have to live that matters , and will be remembered forever
.),more personalities and Companies in USA are ready to give something to
improve the life of this children.The problem we are facing right now with
this people, who want to donate something to this Orphanage Children, is that
most of them are willing to donate something only through money order or
cashiers check, which is difficult to cash here in UK

THEREFORE WE ARE LOOKING FOR A GODFEARING ,HONEST AND RELIABLE REPRESENTATIVE
IN THE USA ,WHO WILL BE WORKING FOR US AS A PART TIME WORKER.WE ARE
WILLING TO PAY 10 PERCENT OF ANY MONEY WE RECEIVE TO THIS REPRESENTATIVE. I
WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT ACCORDING TO OUR ORPHANAGE POLICY AND RULES WITH
WHICH WE OPERATE,10 PERCENT OF ANY MONEY RECEIVED GOES TO OUR
REPRESENTATIVE,THE OTHER MONEY IS USED IN PAYING THE SALARY OF OUR VARIOUS
STAFFS AND GENERAL UPKEEPS ,AND THEN THE REMAINING PERCENTAGE IS CHANNELED
INTO TAKING CARE OF THIS CHILDRENS VARIOUS NEEDS.

Do understand that the cost of coming to the States and getting all this money
that had been donated ,is very expensive and time consuming, therefore we are
working on building an Orphanage home very soon in the States, and operating
from there.

These Donations are in Money order, cashier’s check or a special financial
facility such as, Equity Line of Credit, Business Line of Credit. or CREDIT
CARD. and they would come to you in your name, if you are willing to assist as
representative for this Children, so all you need do is cash the money order
,deduct your percentage and Western Union Charges, then wire the rest back to
us .
You are to receive the Money order or cashier's check payment which will be
sent to you by the FedEx or UPS from this great DONORS , , then you are to
take it to your bank account to enable you cash it ,and send the money back to
us , via Western Union money transfer .

NOTE: All charges of the Western Union Money transfer
will be deducted from any money you are receiving , so you are rest assured
that you WOULD NOT spend a dime out of your personal money.
If you are interested, please get back to me as soon as possible via
E-mail.
N: B, Please send to me the listed information below:
#Your full name:
#Your full home address :
#Your age,#Occupation and as well your #marital status,

#direct contact telephone number,


If you have a special financial facility such as, Equity Line of Credit,
Business Line of Credit. Or CREDIT CARD, Please indicate so as to forward the
requirement to you.

I will be needing your home address, so that I will forward it any of our
numerous donors who are willing to send something for this Children’s upkeep
right now, so they send you the cashier's check. via FedEx or overnight
shipment.
Remember for any of this assistance you render ,the souls of this
children’s will say special prayers for you ,and your life will become
immensely blessed too , because whatever we do in life for others , comes
back to us immediately.
Thanks for your assistant and God bless, please reply to
Katherine Johnson

Thanks for your assistant and God bless,

Katherine Johnson
Director, KatherineJohnsons Orphanage center,
London, United Kingdom.
katherine_johnson889@yahoo.co.uk

Now, we all know this is a hoax, right? Seriously, do people buy into this line of crap?

And, would someone please tell me why I have to be Godfearing in order for them to steal money from me? Seems like I'd only have to be stupid.

No matter how bad a day you may be having, it's better than this kids

I'd better get some work done toady. later!

Dusty Update

When I picked up Dusty from the Vet today, I found out just how special this lil 3 pound guy is. Everyone at the Vet was in love with him. They all commented on how well he had bounced back and that all he did was "make bread". Dusty is a kneading machine! They brought him out and put him in the new cat carrier I had bought and the love stood there kneading like crazy, brushing up against the bars for a scratch.

I paid the coughsixhundredfiftydollarbillcough and left. We haven't even started on immunizations yet, but this lil guy is worth every penny.

Dusty will have to have separate food water & toilet until he is cleared of all parasites. I still wanted to start introductions though. I put the closed carrier on the floor next to Cuddles (the old lady at 19). Cuddles showed mild interest and sniffed at the intruder. There was a hiss, no louder than someone blowing out a candle from the crate. When Tabitha approached and sniffed, Dusty retreated to the back of his small space. Tabitha turned tail and retreated to the bedroom.

This surprised me.

It was only a few years ago when one of sons friends brought his miniature Collie in the house(Picachu, no less). Tabitha's back was to the dog when it entered. The dog barked. Suddenly, it was like Tabitha had an Acme rocket attached to her back. Her feet started running so fast in place she practically dug a trench in the linoleum floor. She shot down the hall in a blur, only to return a few seconds later, looking like a Halloween lawn ornament. Her tail was the size of a Raccoons, she was walking sideways and shooting flaming knives from her glowing eyes. She reacted to a dog that outweighed her by 25 pounds like this, yet retreated from a three pound kitten half her size.

Julieta was next. Poor Julieta. She is the sweetest thing with a 22 karat gold heart. She heard the minute hiss from her one sniff, hung her head with dejection and walked away like nobody loved her.

The old lady Cuddles, was the only one left when I opend the door. Dusty eagerly came out to my open hands and turned into a vibrating mass of jello on my chest. Free of his fleas, he is the softest, most gentle and affectionate kitten there ever was. He never stopped making bread either. He became a spineless ball of fur, so relaxed, rolling on his back, trusting me to support him, as long as I kept rubbing any part of his body.

He looked straight into my eyes while he rythmically pumped his paws And revved his motor. He came straight to my face, ducked his head and pushed against my nose. I'm not sure exactly what came over me, but the tears started flowing and I couldn't stop them. I looked up at the picture of my Dad on the wall and spoke out loud to him, "I couldn't save you, but I could save him".

My Dad was such a gentle man, he had an affinity and connection with all animals. He had a pet squirrel as a kid. It would sleep in the bottom drawer of his bureau and come & go through an open window. Wild animals could sense something about him and would take food from his hand (I will post pictures to prove it & remember the Saw Whet Owl?.) One time at a warehouse where he serviced forklifts, a baby squirrel climbed into his cupped hands when he bent to the ground.

There was only one choice for me, regarding this 12 week old baby. It's more than a coincidence that I decided at that precice time to trim the shrubs. Why didn't I do it while I was on vacation a couple weeks ago? I was watching TV and looking at the window being crowded by the stray branches. It was a spur of the moment decision to grab the pruners and go do it. Had I not, I would have found Dusty's carcass days or weeks later. In the 13 years I have lived here, I have never gone out and trimmed The Neighbors shrub. I didn't feel compelled or any strange sensations. I just did it, and I'm so glad I did. I'll pay for it with shredded furniture, more dollars than I can afford, surprising foot ambushes, scratches galore, cleaning up stinky male marking (even after neutering), being woken up in the middle of the night by a cold nose & whiskers and most importantly, more unconditional love & appreciation than you can imagine. I have no doubt that his nickname of "Boopy" with be replaced at times with something more profane, like "lil shit". But I will never regret my decision to save him. I'd like to think, I have my Daddy to thank for that.

Getting back to the introduction business. It was an hour or so later, Cuddles and Dusty had circled each other a couple times. Dusty figured the situation might not be so bad and decided to try and approach Cuddles for a lil nose to nose.

The crustly old lady laid such a bitch slap on Dusty, he did a flip and landed on his back. He dutifully gave her a wide bearth beyond that point. He happened upon the food and water of the resident felines in his exploration, not unnoticed by Cuddles. She cornered him by the water dish. He immediately went into a submissive postion on his back - exposing his belly. The otherwise passive and lazy senior, Cuddles, gave a second very vocal, as well as physical notice to this intrusive punk.

It's only been an hour and a half of the "quarantine" in Sons room before Son appeared from his room complaining about the kitten waking him up with his wiskers.

That lasted longer than expected.

It's been 19 years since I've had a kitten in the house. I have a feeling my memory is about to be refreshed.

Dusty

I heard faint cries when I was trimming the neighbors Forsythia back. It had encroached beyond the two foot line and was rubbing against my windows and screens. That finished, I moved to the Butterfly bush that has grown wildly since spring. The cries became much louder and insistent....and close. I called out. "MEOW!" was the response in a small squeaky voice. I followed the cries and found this little guy under the leaves of a Hosta.




I tried to coax him out, but he didn't have the energy to move. I scooped up his thin, small, damp & dirty body. When I turned him belly up I saw a flea infestation like I have never seen before. This poor baby was literally having the life sucked out of him.




I brought him in on the porch and offered him food and water. He wasn't interested at all. He could only manage small cries. Son arrived home at this point and helped me put together a flea dip for this pathetic creature. I mixed the solution weaker than prescribed and put him in the warm solution on the picnic table. He managed a minimal squirm.

Once his entire body was soaked the water turned crimson from all the flea dirt. Son exchanged the solution for some fresh warm water, which again turned crimson. By the time I put him in the towel he was nothing but a wet limp mass. I scooted to the store to try and find a flea comb, without any luck.

I brought out the blow dryer and gently warmed his bony body while son brushed his fur. Hundreds of fleas were falling off him.

He purred the entire time. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable for him it must have been. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. This wasn't an unknown stray to me. This was my neighbors 12 week old kitten. Yes, THAT NEIGHBOR. She has two cats. One is all black and probably this gray guys mom. Neighbor took off for a week and left them outside, without any care or flea protection. This kind of neglect and cruelty makes me furious. Pet owners are responsible for the well being of their charges! Five bucks for a flea collar or $10 for some Frontline and this could have been totally avoided! Keep the cat inside for cryin out loud!

I tried calling animal control, but he only works 8-4. I let the listless one sleep in a bin on a comfy towel with some food & water for the night. He touched neither.

He wasn't much better in the morning. His gums were white - pure white, not pink like they should be. He was so anemic he would probably die. I called animal control from work and asked what would happen. Since he doesn't have facilities for cats, it would probably be euthanized. He told me "off the record" that, if I adopted this cat and The Neighbor kicked up a stink if she saw it in my window and tried to claim it as her cat, I could ask her to prove it.

I had made up my mind at that point to seek medical help and see if this sweet boy could be saved.

Basically, the fleas had sucked him dry. He tested negative for leukemia and FIV (feline AIDS), which are always fatal. I heard my options and the cost of the options (OMFG!), but there was only one choice. One more day out there, unable to move or eat and he would have died. He cried out to me for help, my only choice was to answer.

He has a name - Dusty. Son picked it out.

I got an update from the Vet early this evening after a blood transfusion. Dusty is up and about, eating heartily, meowing to anyone that walks by and still purring up a storm. He comes home tomorrow. Whats one more addition to the menagerie?

On a what comes around goes around note:

Friday, The Neighbors son, wife and 2 daughters stopped by for a visit. They spent 10 minutes on the deck brushing off the fleas from their clothes. Son talked to one of the grandsons, the entire house is infested with fleas. I haven't seen the neighbor in a few days and she didn't answer the door yesterday when son knocked. Nor did she answer on the several other occasions visitors have stopped by over the last 4 days. (Information I relayed to both the Police and animal control)

Hmmmm, maybe the fleas have sucked her dry.

Another Update: Neighbor is still away on vacation, I believe it's been about 2 weeks now. I'm hoping she likes it wherever she is and never comes back.

Finally Fixed

My PC is finally fixed.
Should be getting it back home today.
Guess I won't have any more excuses for not posting.


Went to Maine this weekend. It's both comforting and heartbreaking to be there. My Dad is everywhere you look, accept at the head of the table (or wearing a rut in the floor to the freezer for ice cream). Maine was his "Hut in the woods", his ongoing project.

Now, I have to try and finish what I can to try and sell it for my Mom. I wish there was some way we could keep it, we all do. It's just too tough supporting two household on one income (property taxes are a bitch). It's the logical thing to do. They had planned on it before my Dad died. It will financially take care of my Mom.

Once I get my PC back home, I'll try and post some more PICs of the place.

How would you feel if you had to sell off your parents dream? (No matter how justified or reasonable the circumstances).

Have I got a Deal for you

I try to neva pay full price for anything. I'm a frugal New Englander by choice and circumstance.
Hows that old saying go? "Use it up, wear it out, make do or do without".

I thought I did pretty good on my deal for my side by side fridge. That's nothing compared to my latest though.

Building 19 1/2
got a deal on appliances. They spread them around to the various Building 19's in the area. I ended up getting a previously used washer (had a few scuff marks that buffed right out). Do you know how expensive front loading washers are?
I got an LG washer for $350.
Yes, $350.
I can fit 3 times as much in this washer as my old one.
I'm now using the super capacity dryer to capacity.
It's got a gazillion settings on it.
It actually weighs the load to decide the length of the wash cycle (how cool is that?).
I'm doing fewer loads, using less detergent, water and electricity.
Win, win, win.
I never thought I'd be so excited about watching my laundry spin around in a little window.
I may not hear the Angels singing, but it sure is a great feeling to get such a good deal on such a great machine!

So, whats the best deal you've ever gotten on an appliance?

I'm still here

Yea, I am still here.
No, I haven't forgotten about you wonderful monkeys.
I miss you. I miss writing to you and hearing from you.
I have several posts simmering in my brain, I just don't have it in me to write anything too deep right now.

I had been very busy over the last couple weeks preparing for a party that my Dad's partner and family hosted this past Saturday. It was a gathering of people from the company my Dad and Bob did business with for more than 30 years (Right Bob?) You don't find many business associations like that in this day and age. It was a bit cool Saturday, but that didn't stop the kids from swimming. There was a boatload of food and drink. The company was good. The conversation was comforting. I heard more than a few enlightening stories.

I created a collage poster for Bob with Pics of my Dad:

I put together a slide show and a customized a 6 hour play list in iTunes. We also hung the 6 poster boards of photos from the wake. I brought my PC and speaker set up (I've got a good sound system for my PC). It was a big hit, everyone enjoyed it. "Got that puppy rockin" didn't I Bob? It was a joy for me to be able to do it, a labor of love, Cathartic. Pictures and music and memories are all I have left of him. Doing creative things to honor him keeps him close. I'm finding I'm better off when I am busy, at least I'm moving forward and it occupies my mind. When I'm not, that's when I fall apart.

Thank you Bob & family for putting on such a great party. Thanks to all the Martignetti
crew for coming. My Dad would have enjoyed himself very much, in fact, he probably did.

It was a good day.

************************************************************************************

I put my PC back together at home Sunday to edit some 35mm pics I took and it crashed on me. It just shut off, no warning. When I booted up I got a "Thermal Event" message. Not good. My IT guy at work is ordering a new fan/power supply for it. The mother board looks OK. I hope that's all it is. It only runs for a half hour now before shutting off and I don't want to risk blowing it up. What am I going to do without a PC at home for more than a week? I'll be without it that long cause Mr. IT Guy is going on vacation, the nerve. I'm just glad it didn't happen at the party.
Once I get it back up and running I'll post a few pics from the party.

Anyone that took pics at the party - please E-mail them to me (sharfa84@yahoo.com). I'd like to put them all together on photobucket or something like so everyone can see them.

I'm It

I've been tagged by KFarmer

Rules are each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

People who are tagged need to write posts in their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

I usually don't do meme's. I think I've only done one prior to this. I don't have any particular aversion to them, maybe it's just laziness. I'm doing this one, because it was KFarmer who tagged me. I'm not sure how insightful this will be. I haven't exactly been running on all cylinders as of late. I certainly don't think there is anything interesting or unusual about my habits, and this is going to take some thought. I could certainly use the distraction.

1. If I don't periodically do something creative (photography, crafts, bead/wire jewelry, home improvement projects etc...) I feel like I'll go postal. I go on creative binges. There is nothing like the satisfaction of creating something beautiful with your own hands.

2. I'm a procrastinator. This may not be a new fact, but you have no idea how bad it is. I'm a financial administrator for a living. I reconcile accounts, pay invoices and track spending on million dollar accounts daily. Yet, I don't have a running balance in my checkbook, and I let bills pile up before I finally sit down and pay them. If it weren't for auto bill pay, I'd be sitting here in the dark.

3. I always seem to find a parking space close to the entrance of a store. Grocery shopping, Home Depot, whatever...I always seem to find a space close to the entrance.

4. I may not be a mooner, but I have no problem lifting my shirt. (Tribute to K) Many a Laconia weekend I have bared my bits for all to see. There is no age or gravity distinction in a males eye's when it comes to breasts. Slap a nipple on any amount of fat (could be an ass cheek or a roll of blubber) and men drool. What a pair we would make eh, K?

5. I haven't been on a date in 5 1/2 years and I'm OK with that.

6. I'm embarrassed to have company over to my house. Living in a trailer park and all...

7. I believe in magick, fairies, dragons and ESP. I secretly wish I had some sort of special ability to prove to my mind, what I believe in my heart.

8. I belch, fart and curse like a sailor. Only with family, they deserve the best of me.

I'm not tagging anyone with this meme. If you care to share & play along, feel free.

They Say It's Your Birthday........

Normally, I would receive a phone call early in the morning on May 18th.

It would be my Daddy, wishing me a Happy Birthday.

I turn 43 years old today.

I was born on May 18, 1964.

I will never, ever, get that phone call again.

What was once a day of celebration, is now, another reason to grieve.

There are six birthdays in May, in my family: My bro(3rd), my Aunt(5th), my SIL(9th), my Son(14th), Me(18th), and Mom(29th). Add in Mothers Day and Dad's partner's son (4th) and it was like Christmas in May, with all the gifts.

Not anymore though.

Never again.

A Bittersweet Birthday

Son had expected us to insure, register, and pick up his truck at his fathers Monday morning. A one-track teenage mind didn't understand the concept of having to go to work or school when there was something so much more important to do. He felt his ticket to freedom slipping from his hands.

Patience has never been his strong suit.

I left work a little early and picked him up to go to the insurance company. "Do you think we'll make it to the registry in time?" He was a man on a mission and little things like my gas gauge being on empty became tremendous hurdles fate had thrown in his path.

I paid his insurance in full for the year and informed him he would have to get a job immediately and start paying it off. The only reason I was able to do that was because I finally received the SSDI dependent benefits. A substantial amount that has helped bail me out of not receiving any child support for over a year.

We made the registry at 4:35 (they close at 5). The worry wort was relieved when overhearing a conversation that if we make it through the door before 5, we could complete our transactions.

He kissed the license plates when they were handed to him. I could almost see right through his head because of the deep dimples created by the permagrin on his face. He started floating off the floor at that point.

I thought he would come out of his skin on the drive to NH. "I'm so happy!" is all he could keep saying. Freedom was within sight. The freedom of having his own transportation, of thinking he could come and go as he pleased, the freedom of not having to depend on Mom to go where he wanted. What memories that brought back to me.

I chatted with his father while he affixed the plates and, within a half hour, I entered the next stage of parenthood. The helpless, precious child brought into this world 17 years ago was driving solo, in his own truck, for the first time.

I couldn't deny it anymore. The boy I have given everything to, for half my life, is growing up and away from me.

We weren't even on the highway before he yelled out the window that his speedometer didn't work. I had to laugh. More memories came flooding back. That ticket to freedom comes with a heavy price. The innocence of childhood is suddenly replaced with the responsibility of adulthood.

It's a one way threshold every teenager races towards, and by the time we realize being an adult isn't as much fun as we thought it would be; it's too late. There's no going back. I felt the final twinge of pain, as the umbilical I had meticulously tried to maintain was severed.

None of these thoughts could dampen the happiness I felt for my son. The first thing he wanted to do was drive to Nana & Grampa's.

That's when a wave of sadness so enormous washed over me. My Father should have been here to see this day. He should have been here to laugh with delight over the knowledge that I will finally comprehend what I had put them both through when I got my first car.

Son followed me off the exit to get to my parents house. All the times we have driven that route and he never paid attention enough to learn it for himself. It was indeed a big new world to him. I left him on his own and drove home alone.

Mom was picking fresh Asparagus from the garden, when son startled her with his arrival. He couldn't wait for Nana to ask where I was, he blurted out that he was there alone. "You took your Mother's car?!" "No, I have my own truck!"

He beamed with pride as he showed off for his Nana and Great-Grandmother, then he had to ask for directions to visit a friend at work. I hope he develops a better sense of direction than his Mother!

Son didn't finally arrive home until 8:30PM. He was wound up tighter than a drum. It was 9:30 when he asked if he could drive me around the block, since I had never been in his truck.

I told him how happy I was for him between hiccuping sobs. "You've gotten such a raw deal your whole life baby, I'm so happy for you. I just want you to be careful and understand the responsibility that comes with this...and I wish Grampa was here to enjoy this with you".

He was so grown up, especially when he was trying to console his bawling Mother.