Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Lot Can Happen in 6 Months or Why You Never Saw Those Halloween Costume Pics

A little more than 6 months ago, son was graduating from high school. Those 6 months have been the longest of my life.

You faithful friends that have given me continued support and checked here often only to find I have been MIA certainly deserve an explanation and, since most, if not all are parents, will understand why I have been MIA.

You probably got the memo about the Mustang disaster.
One of my last posts indicated I was going to attend a Halloween Party for the first time in years.


I got a free T-Pass from work for the month of September, son was getting the privilege of dropping me off at the train station and using my car to go to work. The week before the Halloween Party, son got fired. Apparently, son wasn't always going to work.

October 30th I was up late finishing my costume. When I checked at 1:30 AM, my car was gone. Apparently, son had made a copy of my key and was stealing my car at night to go out. I had suspected, but this was the first time he got caught in the act, with the 16 year old drop out delinquent next door no less. Needless to say - I never made it to the party.

2 days later I caught son with a young girl in his room (she had climbed in through the window). I lost it. I went ballistic.

That was the last straw for me.

Grasping at straws he pleaded for me to take him to join the Army. He had that shot the week prior and had refused. I told him, CALL YOUR FATHER CAUSE I AM DONE.

X took son to recruiter that day and son moved to Dad's. Due to timing, son would not ship out until after Christmas. Wonderful POS father that he is, Dad would only let son stay until Thanksgiving. (God forbid he is ever inconvenienced by his only offspring). Son went off his ADHD meds at this time.

There was no way I could let him move back with me, so son asked my Mom if he could stay at her house until he shipped. This became a moot point when POS alcoholic drunk Dad stuck a loaded gun in son's face on November 24th. I'm not going to discuss my feelings on this matter since it would involve me going to prison for homicide. Son then went to Mom's to live.

Mom knew all the history so, son was basically under house arrest and could go nowhere & do nothing. 3 strikes and he would be out on the street. He did hit those 3 strikes. I don't know what they were, that's between them, but son made it through.

All in all, it was good for both of them, Mom enjoyed the company - the house has been too empty since my Dad died, and she had someone to do the little things that she couldn't do around the house. I had also informed son that if he pulled anything on my Mother or took advantage of her in any way, I would take him out of this world - since I had brought him into it, it was my right. Hurting my Mother in any way, shape or form, was not an option

Son had his second swearing in Tuesday December 29th and shipped out to Fort Jackson for basic training.

I had to stick to my guns and not let him move back home though, especially with the loser next door. Yes, it's one of the neighbor from hell's kids. They have two brain cells between the two of them and when they get together they cancel each other out. There was no way I could let him move back home and be able to go to work each day and leave son home alone.

Like I said.....the longest 6 months of my life.

Through all of this son has texted or talked to me daily. He knew I still loved him and wanted the best for him but, he had burned through all his chances with me - and there were many, many, many chances.

Through some planning, I have been on vacation since Christmas Eve. Good thing, since I spent most of Tuesday crying. My head knows all the facts: This is the best thing for him, he will be a changed person when he finishes basic, he will go in a boy and come out a man, he is safe. But, my heart is breaking. I wanted more for him. I wanted him to go to college, to become a responsible adult, to have goals and dreams and ambition.

Now, it's up to the Army to do what I failed to do and instill integrity, loyalty & honesty in my son.

He was so excited when he left. He was running on 2 hours sleep and adrenaline.

Cut to 1:50AM Wed. when he started texting me about how much it sucked, how scared he was, how much he loved and missed me and to tell his Grandmother he thought he was going to die there.

I finally got a call from him tonight and it broke my heart. He is hurting so bad, homesick and crying. BUT....he had the opportunity to be put on a flight home without consequences and he decided to stick it out....because he doesn't want to disappoint anyone. He called his Grandmother too. After a few bad connections, tears, and words of encouragement from his Grandmother and myself, he sounded better.

He is waaayyyyy outside his comfort zone. No more comfy bed and all you can eat while watching DVD's all day at Nana's. Reality is hitting him square in his eye's and it sux. I've never heard so may "I love you so much"es. I also got an I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through and how I never appreciated anything.....etc.....It's amazing what 2 hours or less sleep a night and being away from creature comforts for 48 hours can do to a person. Of course, I'd be drooling, in a straight jacket and babbling incoherently if I was in his situation. He hasn't even started basic yet, he's still in what they call purgatory.

So my friends, you are now up to speed on the goings on here at Sharfa's Space. Say a prayer for my son, Christopher. He's really a good kid with a lot of heart. He just hasn't been using much of his brain since he graduated. He has the intelligence and ability to make it through this, I pray I have given him the heart.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Does this Look Like a Taxi to You?

There have been a couple comments about the old Indian lady and whether or not she mistook me for a Taxi.

You be the judge.
Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Cleanup on Isle One

This happened in a grocery store I frequently shop at.

We are definitely taking over too much of the planet.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

People Are Strange

I went shopping on Columbus Day (last Monday). I'm actually going to a Halloween party for the first time in years. I'm really looking forward to it. Halloween was always my fav holiday. I haven't been into it for a couple years, for obvious reasons.

I was out and about running errands when son called and wanted a shake from Micky D's. As I was at the window waiting for my order I watched an older woman come out of the door and look directly at me, no big deal. Then...she walked over and opened my passenger door. Caught of guard, all I could say was "Can I help you?". She was a bit flustered, apologized and closed the door She then walked to the SUV behind me and got in. The female driver, obviously her daughter, had her hand over her forehead and was shaking her head. I started roaring! I could picture my Grandmother doing the exact thing with my Mom.

Alone, that would be a chuckle moment, but there's more.

I hit Micheal's for supplies for my costume. This particular Micheal's is in a strip mall with one entrance and a fair amount of traffic. As I was waiting at the light to exit, an Indian woman (in Salwar dress with a nose piercing) with a Micheal's bag came to my passenger window. She spoke broken English and said "Burlington Center" as she pointed in the direction I would be traveling. I thought she was asking me if that was the correct direction for Burlington Center and I said "Yes, that's where it is." She then started reaching for the door handle saying "Burlington Center, I help you."


Let's think for a moment here.

Here is a woman that appears to not speak English very well, offering to help me, an American born and raised - that obviously knows where she is going, assistance in getting to Burlington Center. I wasn't sure if she was playing a good con or rather naive of American ways. After thinking about it a few days though, it was a pretty good attempt for a Grandma. I was one of many cars in line. She singled out the single woman in her 40's (I'll die before I say middle aged, I am not that old!). It's probably worked for her in the past, and maybe it did on someone else after I left. I just said "No, Thank you" and rolled up the window. I'm thankful the light was green.

Would I have given her a ride if she was honest and just asked for one? Probably not. This woman wasn't homeless, she was well kept and dressed.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but after thinking about it for several days, I'm more annoyed about it than anything else. I'm not prejudiced by any stretch of the imagination, but I do take offense at my good nature being taken advantage of. This 'incident' made me think of an episode of Oprah that had Gabriel Union on. Gabriel was raped by a 'customer' that walked into a shoe store where she was working. The one line that stuck in my mind is "As women, we're raised to be polite and you don't want anybody to feel bad…but my body, my instinct, everything in my being was saying, 'Run. Just run out of the store."

Now, I don't think that older woman was going to rape me (chuckle), but...I do think it was a calculated attempt at manipulation. I bet she speaks English a hell of a lot better than she displayed to me. I'm just glad that for once in my life, I went with my first instinct and didn't second guess myself about being offensive.

I'll never forget when I was 17 and working at a deli-sub shop one night. A man came in and asked for change for a 20 dollar bill. I gave him back 2 fives and a ten and then he handed it back to me and started talking real fast about wanting different change than I gave him. It was a con to try and talk fast enough and spit out enough numbers to confuse me into giving him back more than the $20 he gave me. To this day - 24 years later, I'm still not sure if he got me or not.

Perhaps it was the feeling of that experience that kicked in when I instantly said 'No thank you'.

It disgusts me that there are actually people out there that prey on the naivete, or general goodness of others. Grandmother types or not.

My rant aside, how wierd is it that two over 50 women tried to get in my car in one day?

Thursday, October 09, 2008

It's the Little Things That Make Me Happy

I told you about the 'Lil fierce one' who is Mom's protector. Anyone that enters the house doesn't get up the stairs without Keegan making Mom jump out of her seat as he barks his fool head off and heads for the door.

The tables were turned Tuesday.

I crept into the house on tippie toes. It helped that Mom & Keegan were in the bathroom with the water running. Mom doesn't have the luxury of peeing alone anymore. Keegan follows her everywhere and will rest his head on her knee or pants when she's on the thrown. (Mom might think that's TMI but I think it precious).

I was coming down the hall just as Keegan rounded the bathroom door with Mom in tow.
I said "GOTCHA!"
He was able to get out one bark and it was as if he was shouting "SHIT!"
Then he immediately turned into a wiggling wagging excited ball of fur.

Scaring the hell out of my Mom's dog made my week.
I know, twisted.
You would have been tickled pink too, if you saw the look on his face.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

It's Good to be Missed.

I'm still alive and all is status quo.
I don't have any excuse, other than maybe being lazy or disinterested in the things that I enjoy.
Or, not having anything good to say.
I certainly don't want to turn this into a whine blog.
The creative juices haven't been flowing.
I feel like I've been a robot going through daily life.
I get up, work, cook, clean, sleep and do it all over again.
Pretty boring shit.
I think I'm finally starting to take an interest in my life again.
You're gentle proddings have helped.
I owe Stu a meme.
I'm on Suldog's shit list. (Does reading regularly your blog count for anything?)
K's been a concerned dear friend and I haven't forgotten that I owe her a music DVD either.
It was wonderful to hear from cicibug again! (Would luv it even more if she BLOGGED!)

Thank you my friends.
Next's OK to hit me over the head with a 2X4.
Sometimes I need that.

Son went back to his old job August 18th.
He's doing great at his job.
Of course, having Mom drive him every day doesn't give him room to screw up.
He still has his moments at home when I want to rearrange his face.
Gawd, does he push the limits of reason and sanity.

We went to court yesterday for his B&E.
He was not arrested when this happened.
According to the summons it was a misdemeanor charge for trespassing in an abandoned trailer and under $250 damage to the 'victim'.
There were no charges for contributing to the delinquency of minors.
Son was the only one that was 18, the others were 15 & 16 years old.
We waited around for 3 hours before being called in.
The clerk was the fastest talking woman I have ever heard.
I was allowed to stay in the room at son's permission for support.
I was not allowed to speak.
Which was fine with me.
He's supposedly an adult now and needs to deal with the consequences of his actions on his own....kind of.
The prosecutor was the same police officer at the hearing for the 3 minors involved.
They went to court in July.
The neighbor, Kirk, has been in trouble before and has quite a record. The prosecutor in his case told him he wanted to send him to juvie. Instead, he got 6 months probation. They all got community service.
I was very worried when we never got anything from the court regarding son.
We finally got a summons in the mail in September.
The officer read through the incident report and agreed to give a similar sentence that the minors received, a six month continuance.
That means: If son stays out of trouble for the next six months, the charge is removed from his record as if it never happened.
After that was agreed to by the court and prosecutor, the officer spoke directly to my son regarding hanging around with minors and that it's inappropriate and can get him in to trouble.
The officer made eye contact with me while he was saying this, I just kept nodding and smiling in agreement.
I had son get a letter from his employer prior to the hearing, we didn't need it.
We were in there less than 10 minutes.
Son did a good job answering 'yes, sir' and 'no, sir' when queried by the prosecutor. (I had given him some advice on how to behave. I only wish he'd be that way with me!)
Luckily, son had not been in any legal trouble prior to this incident, or since.
He got off easy.

Now that this has been resolved, son had better tow the line at home.
He's been warned.
Failure to show respect or screwing up at home will lead to a choice: Eviction or Enlistment.
It hasn't been perfect.
It's better than it was.
In my heart, I still believe he needs to go in to some form of the service.
He has no dreams or goals, at least none that he's expressed to me.
His biggest goal at the moment is to get another car.
He knows he's on his own with this one.
We all know how it turned out last time.

I've moved to a new office at work.
1/3 the size of my previous office.
I'm not happy with the move, and I never got satisfactory justification for it.
I'm making the best of it though.
I've been uber busy at work and have no time to post or even surf while at work.
I read blogs during my lunch break.
That's prolly a good thing though, I'm more productive and don't have time to screw off.
I've also got a great view of the Pru out my window.

Mom is doing better.
Her grief therapist told her she should get a dog, on a Tuesday.
That Thursday I took her to the Lowell Humane Society.
Saturday we picked up Keegan.
He's a cockapoo.
He is a loving puddle of fur.
The first night he spent whining and uncomfortable in his crate.
The second night he was in the 'big bed' with Mom, and has been there since.
He's just over a year old now.
He was living with an elderly gentleman that went in to the hospital and couldn't care for him anymore.

At the pound he was reserved & quiet, almost as if he was depressed.
There were 3 women in the room when we met and he went immediately to my Mom, jumped up on his hind legs and proceeded to hump her.
Love at first sight.
Of course, he has been neutered since, so no more humping.
No one will ever be able to sneak into my Mom's house again.
He barks like crazy when he hears someone come in.

Since there is no such thing as coincidence, I believe this was meant to happen.
My Dad would have loved Keegan, and vice versa.
Point of fact: Keegan lays on the couch in the exact spot my Dad used to sit.
Keegan would also lay on the back of the couch in my Dads den, a room my Mom never goes in to.
He also sleeps on my Dad's side of the bed, when he isn't snuggled up to Mom.
Not to mention, my Dad was part Scottish.
Keegan is a Gaelic name meaning little fierce one, and ohhh, does he think he's so tough!
Two lives were saved with his adoption.
It was meant to be and I believe my Dad had something to do with it.

Although Tabitha will still hiss and growl when Dusty is being a terrorist, there have been a few times lately when Tabitha is doing the chasing. The two of them sound like horses running up and down the hall. It's a hoot to see the lil shit jump right over her when Tabitha pounces. Ahhh, the quick reaction time of youth. I believe I was officially forgiven when Tabitha started coming in to bed with me again. It only took a year. That puss can hold a grudge.

I do have some interesting updates on the Neighbors from Hell, but, I think I'll save that for my next post.

Till then...Luv you all, and I've missed you!

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Playlist Song 43

Fields of Gold

Youll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
Youll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love
For to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley
Well forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold
I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that Ive broken
But I swear in the days still left
Well walk in the fields of gold
Well walk in the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
Youll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold

The Playlist Song 42

I Can't Help Falling in Love With You

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I cant help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
Would it be a sin
If I cant help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I cant help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling so it goes
Some things are meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I cant help falling in love with you
For I cant help falling in love with you

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Playlist Song 41

Can't Cry Hard Enough

I'm gonna live my life
like every days' the last
without a simple goodbye it all goes by so fast

and now that you're gone I can't cry heard enough
I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

gonna open my eyes and see for the first time
I've let go of you like
a child letting go of his kite

There it goes up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough
No, I can't cry hard enoug for you to hear me now

gonna look back in vain and see you standing there
when all that remains is just an empty chair
and now that you're gone
I can't cry hard enough, I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky
there it goes beyond the clouds
for no reason why
I can't cry hard enough, no I can't cry hard enough
for you to hear me now

The Playlist Song 40

Holes in the Floor of Heaven

One day SHY OF eight years old
Grandma passed away
I was a broken hearted little boy,
blowing out that birthday cake

How I cried when the sky let go
with a cold and lonesome rain
Momma smiled said don't be sad child
Grandma's watchin you today

'Cause there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin' down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
And sometimes if you're lonely
just remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me

Seasons come and seasons go
nothin' stays the same
I grew up fell in love
met a girl who took my name

Year by year we made a life
in this sleepy little town
I thought we'd grow old together
Lord I sure do miss her now

But there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin' down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me

Well my little girl is 23
I walk her down the aisle
it's a shame her mom can't be here now
to see her lovely smile

They throw the rice
I catch her eye
as the rain starts comin' down
she takes my hand says daddy don't be sad 'cause
I know momma's watchin' now

And there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin down
that's how you know she's watchin'
wishin' she could be here now
and sometimes when I'm lonely
I remember she can see
there's holes in the floor of Heaven
and she's watchin' over you and me

Watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me
Watchin' over you and me

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Synopsis of the last month or so

Son did graduate June 5th.
I had bought him a 1997 Ford Mustang as a graduation/birthday gift. A beautiful car, in mint condition with 80k miles on it. Now it looks like this:

Posted by Picasa

Since graduation, son stopped going to work.
He's been thrown out of the house 3 times.
He's overrun his checking account $300 (I am not paying it!)
He fell asleep at the wheel and totaled the car when he hit a telephone pole.
He wasn't injured.
He's stayed out all night, has been disrespectful & got arrested for B&E.
His bicycle was stolen, so now he has no wheels.

Generally - he's been putting me through the ringer.
He's currently at home. The attitude is marginally better, but that's only because he has nowhere to go, no means of support and no car to sleep in.
It was like someone flipped a switch when he graduated and he turned into this monster - someone I don't recognize.
He knows he's dancing on razor blades and if he screws up again he's on the street with a bag of clothes and that's it. I am not giving him any money.
He is waiting on a call from his boss - he does have his job back (which I will have to drive him to/from), so he can start working again.

I'm pushing him towards some form of military service. I'm not crazy about the idea, but at this point the boy needs to learn discipline, respect & he needs to grow the hell up. The thing is - with his current financial credit and getting busted for B&E - he'd probably be rejected. I can't take much more - so we're going to find out one way or another.

Just in case any of you were wondering - that's whats been going on the last month.

The Playlist Song 39

These Eyes

These eyes cry every night for you.
These arms long to hold you again.
The hurtin’s on me yeah,
But I will never be free no my baby, no no.
You gave a promise to me yeah and you broke it, you broke it. Oh, no.

These eyes watched you bring my world to an end.
This heart could not accept and pretend.
The hurtin’s on me yeah,
But I will never be free no no no.
You took the vow with me yeah.
You spoke it, you spoke it, babe.

These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.
These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.

These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.

These eyes cry every night for you.
These arms, these arms long to hold you, hold you again.
These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.
These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.
These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.
These eyes are cryin’
These eyes have seen a lot of loves
But they’re never gonna see another one like I had with you.
Baby, baby, baby, baby.

The Playlist Song 38

Roll Me Away

Took a look down a westbound road,
Right away I made my choice
Headed out to my big two-wheeler,
I was tired of my own voice
Took a bead on the northern plains
And just rolled that power on

Twelve hours out of mackinaw city
Stopped in a bar to have a brew
Met a girl and we had a few drinks
And I told her what Id decided to do
She looked out the window a long long moment
Then she looked into my eyes
She didnt have to say a thing,
I knew what she was thinkin

Roll, roll me away,
Wont you roll me away tonight
I too am lost, I feel double-crossed
And Im sick of whats wrong and whats right
We never even said a word,
We just walked out and got on that bike
And we rolled
And we rolled clean out of sight

We rolled across the high plains
Deep into the mountains
Felt so good to me
Finally feelin free

Somewhere along a high road
The air began to turn cold
She said she missed her home
I headed on alone

Stood alone on a mountain top,
Starin out at the great divide
I could go east, I could go west,
It was all up to me to decide
Just then I saw a young hawk flyin
And my soul began to rise
And pretty soon
My heart was singin

Roll, roll me away,
Im gonna roll me away tonight
Gotta keep rollin, gotta keep ridin,
Keep searchin till I find whats right
And as the sunset faded
I spoke to the faintest first starlight
And I said next time
Next time
Well get it right

The Playlist Song 37

While You See a Chance

Stand up in a clear blue morning until you see what can be
Alone in a cold day dawning, are you still free? can you be?
When some cold tomorrow finds you, when some sad old dream reminds you
How the endless road unwinds you

While you see a chance take it, find romance fake it
Because its all on you

Dont you know by now no one gives you anything
Dont you wonder how you keep on moving one more day your way

When theres no one left to leave you, even you dont quite believe you
Thats when nothing can deceive you

Stand up in a clear blue morning until you see what can be
Alone in a cold day dawning, are you still free? can you be?
And that old gray wind is blowing and theres nothing left worth knowing
And its time you should be going

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Of Celts & Suldogs

This ones for Jim over here. Tireless and faithful in enthusiasm for his home teams. He deserves to shout from the top o the Pru today.

Enjoy the success my friend.


Maybe now we can get away from three page basketball posts?
I'm just sayin'

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Playlist Song 36

My Immortal

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


Wednesday, June 04, 2008

The Playlist Song 35

Into The West

Into The West

Lay down,
your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.
You have come to journey’s end.

Sleep now, and dream
of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.

Tears from Heaven

The gloomy sky and falling rain match my mood and tears.
My son will graduate highschool tomorrow.
Yes, it's a joyous occasion - but someone is missing.
The raindrops are my Fathers tears to match my own.

Son suggested getting pizza & chicken wings afterwards.
After all, it's Thursday and son used to stay at Nana & Grampa's every Thursday and they'd get pizza & wings.

How fitting and perfect.
He should be here to see this.

Monday, May 19, 2008

They're Baaaaack

Remember the Neighbors from hell?

They're back.

They snuck in under cover of darkness Saturday night with their moving van. Boyfriend left in the morning giving kisses to his pregnant yet again Skanky Ho. Yes people - this is #7 for her, by at least 5 different men. Son #1 is with his father after being released from the mental hospital where he spent at least a year. Son #2, 15 or 16 is next door now, along with 2 more daughters and a mentally challenged 4 year old boy. There's one more that she doesn't have custody of.

My son spoke with son#2 and confirmed that they've moved back. I wanted to cry. I left a message with the park manager and spoke with him later in the day. He will not be in the office until Tuesday to look at what the court records say. I cannot go through this shit again.

It's been so nice the last couple years, quiet & peaceful. She cleaned up the yard - got rid of the junk vehicles. So much for her selling the place and moving to a retirement home.
I told you they were a bunch of liars. That's why you never got to see me dancing a jig in the street.As long as she was still there, there was always a chance the ho could be back.

The hell has already started. I was woken up at 11:45 PM last night by Skanky Ho screaming for her son out the front door. I get up at 5:30AM, mind you.

To top it all off, son is flexing his "I'm 18 and an adult so I can do whatever I want" wings. What he didn't realize is that I don't have to support his ass anymore and can throw him out if he doesn't want to obey my rules. He wouldn't last 5 minutes in the real world.

I'm feeling old, so very old. Yesterday was the worst birthday ever.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Playlist Song 31

That's the Way I Always Heard it Should Be

The Playlist Song 30 Don't Stop

Son was about 10 or 11 when he was in my Dad's truck and Daddy cranked this up. Son was mortified that Grampa listened to loud rock 'n' roll.

It's a good anthem.

The Playlist Song 29

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Talking Birds

This African Grey Parrot is a hoot! What a filthy mouth on him. I wonder where he learned language like that from? Speaking from my own experience with parakeets - they can carry on a logical conversation.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

The Playlist Song 28

The first time I heard this song was in the parking lot of the vets office.
I was taking my cat, Shotgun, to be euthanized.
I sat in the car with him in my arms, balling my eyes out.
He was 19.

The Playlist Song 27

For Mom.

The Playlist Song 26

This is one from when I was a kid that Daddy would sing....are we seeing a pattern yet?

The Playlist Song 25

The Playlist Song 24

Self explanatory.

Monday, May 05, 2008

The Playlist Song 23

I loved this song when it came out and the SNL skit only reinforced that plus gave me a different perspective.

The Playlist Song 22

The Playlist Song 21

The Playlist Song 20

The Playlist Song 19

The Best Album Ever.

This is another optimistic feel good song my Dad loved. He and Bob Marley shared similar values, and they both passed into the light from that God awful disease. Although, I don't think I could ever picture my Dad with Dreadlocks. I think he had a bit of Rastafarian in him, perhaps we all do, at least I'd like to hope we are capable of it.
If you've never listened to the entire Legend album, I suggest you go buy it. I don't care if you don't like reggae. There is no way in the world that you can't feel good when you plug this CD in and crank it up!

From the Official Bob Marley Website:
Bob Marley never wrote a bad song. He left behind the most remarkable body of recorded work. "The reservoir of music he has left behind is like an encyclopedia," says Judy Mowatt of the I-Threes. "When you need to refer to a certain situation or crisis, there will always be a Bob Marley song that will relate to it. Bob was a musical prophet."

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Easy Pork

I have a very easy, inexpensive, yet delish recipe that would be great for gatherings.
It takes about 5 minutes to prep and then you leave it to cook.

You can use a pork butt roast (that's the cheapest cut) or country style boneless ribs or even a center loin roast. Whatever floats your boat. Ribs even.

Cut the pork into large chunks (1x2 or thereabouts).

Throw it into a slow cooker.

If you like Chinese style, throw in one or two jars of Ah-So sauce and stir to coat.

You can use teriyaki, or BBQ sauce too.

Cover and cook on low for 5 or 6 hours.

I like to serve over a bed of rice with corn-on-the-cob.

If you like your pork a bit sticky, you can transfer from the slow cooker to a cookie sheet or roasting pan (or even a foil lined grill) and bake for about 20 minutes @ 350 degrees.

The delish taste will have people convinced you spent hours basting.


Now, be honest. You thought I was going to post about something else when you read the title, didn't you?

I Am Not That Old!

In exactly two weeks, at 6:04 PM, my son will be 18 years old.

That can't be right.

Let me think about this for a moment.....

Holy Frak!@#$%*

I am not that old!
Am I?
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The Playlist Song 16

No Worries. This is another song Daddy adopted and would sing out loud whenever we would be bitching & moaning about one thing or another.

The Playlist Song 15

The Playlist Song 14

This song was also played graveside at a friends funeral. He was only 26 or 27.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Playlist Song 13

I have the version sung by Bette Midler.

Daddy loved this song.

The Playlist Song 11 & 12

Ohh La La

There are two versions of this song on the list: This one by Rod Stewart whom I love and the other from the Without a Paddle Soundtrack.

I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger........

The Playlist Song 10

He is and will always be...

The Playlist Song 9

One from the Boston Boys.

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Playlist Song 8

This is for my Mom.

The Playlist Song 7

I also had this played at my wedding reception and dedicated to my Nana (Dad's Mom) and a bridesmaid's brother, who died in a car accident at 17 or 18 years old.

Now it's for my Daddy.

Today's Funny

Old Love
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, 'You need a piece of tail.'
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Handsome Fella

This handsome fella has been strutting his stuff with his harem of 8 hens around my Mom's house lately.There has also been another young male trying to impress the girls.Handsome fella was having none of that and would chase off the whippersnapper.Now the youngin struts around alone gobbling his lil heart out lookin for love.
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The Playlist Song 6

One of my fav episodes of Lost. I think my parents actually had the same 8 track!

The Playlist Song 5

The Playlist Song 4

If This Song Doesn't make you feel good.....then you really need to adjust your meds.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Playlist Song 3

"I will live while I can, I will have my ever after"
Get up and dance, you know you want to.

While there is time
Lets go out and feel everything
If you hold me
I will let you into my dream
For time is a river rolling into nowhere
We must live while we can
And well drink our cup of laughter

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

Oh, Ive been sad
And have walked bitter streets alone
And come morning
Theres a good wind to blow me home
So time is a river rolling into nowhere
I will live while I can
I will have my ever after

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

We go so fast, why dont we make it last
Life is glowing inside you and me
Please take my hand, here where I stand
Wont you come out and dance with me
Come see, with me, come see

And lovers try
til they get the best of the night
And come morning
They are tangled up in the light
So time be a river rolling into nowhere
They love while they can
And they think about the night so sweet

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

The Playlist Song 2

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Playlist - Song 1

I want to share with you the songs I put together for the party Bob had in honor of my Dad last year. It has become the soundtrack of my life. They are in no particular order, but every one of them is relevant to my Daddy. The playlist is about 9 hours long. Some are songs he loved, some are songs that remind me about him....I'll try to post one a day until we get through the whole list.
My Mom told me that I have a knack for this.


The family was big John Denver fans when I was growing up. I remember being together with family and singing more than one of his tunes. I still love his music and will watch any PBS program about him that comes up! Of course there a few of his songs that will show up on this list.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Being in the Now.

A friends band was playing at a local establishment Saturday evening. Both D and Stacy wanted me to go. Stacy's husband is the lead guitar/singer of the band.

It was 8 PM and my son is asking me if I'm going out. Mind you - I was still in my pj's and had never even showered for the day. I asked him why he cared. "Go out and have some fun, you never go out!". There was no ulterior motive on his part.

How lame am I that my almost 18 year old has to push me to go out and have fun?

So I showered, fluffed and buffed and put on a face and went out. I had a couple cold ones and a shot of Zambuca. I even danced once! I used to be one that would never get off the dance floor. I was winded after one dance - how frakin' sad is that?

It's time.

Time to get off the couch and the pitty pot.

Time to get back in shape and start living again.

What if, like my father, I died at 61? That's only 18 years away.
Do I want to look back on those 18 years and see that I spent them lying around like a useless lump, grieving and feeling sorry for myself?

Absolutely not.

I just started reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. Go buy it, it'll cost less than your lunch.

I've realized that my Dad didn't waste a moment of his life. He lived every moment he could to it's fullest. He lived in those moments, not worrying about the future or grieving about the past.
He knew that all he had was this present moment in time, he would always be in the here and now.

I think it's about time I did too.

Birthday Calculator

Interesting facts. Now I know why I feel very old sometimes, being 385,088 hours old.
Check it out for yourself.
Oh yea - and my ex is a Scorpio (my exact opposite according to this). If I knew then what I know now.....
18 May 1964

Your date of conception was on or about 26 August 1963 which was a Monday.

You were born on a Monday
under the astrological sign Taurus.
Your Life path number is 7.

Your fortune cookie reads:
Your heart is a place to draw true happiness.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 4 & 22.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 9.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 3, 6, 8 & 11.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2438533.5.
The golden number for 1964 is 8.
The epact number for 1964 is 16.
The year 1964 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 2/13/1964 and ending 2/1/1965.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Beaver; your plant is Wild Clover.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Epipy, the third month of the season of Shomu (Harvest).

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 7 Sivan 5724.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 8 Sivan 5724.

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is which is
12 baktun 17 katun 10 tun 12 uinal 9 kin

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Monday, 6 Muharram 1384 (1384-1-6).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 29 March 1964.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 3 May 1964.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 12 February 1964.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 17 May 1964.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 24 May 1964.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Monday, 7 September 1964.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Saturday, 28 March 1964.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 11 February 1964.

As of 4/22/2008 8:45:30 AM EDT
You are 43 years old.
You are 527 months old.
You are 2,292 weeks old.
You are 16,045 days old.
You are 385,088 hours old.
You are 23,105,325 minutes old.
You are 1,386,319,530 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:

Tina Fey (1970)Chow Yun-Fat (1955)George Strait (1952)
Reggie Jackson (1946)Brooks Robinson (1937)Dwayne Hickman (1934)
Robert Morse (1931)Pernell Roberts (1930)Pope John Paul II (1920)
Margot Fonteyn (1919)Perry Como (1912)Frank Capra (1897)

Top songs of 1964
I Want to Hold Your Hand by BeatlesCan't Buy Me Love by Beatles
There! I've Said It Again by Bobby VintonBaby Love by Supremes
Oh, Pretty Woman by Roy OrbisonThe House of the Rising Sun by Animals
Chapel of Love by Dixie CupsI Feel Fine by Beatles
She Loves You by BeatlesI Get Around by Beach Boys

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 6.27984344422701 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Friday.
Your lucky number is 6.
Your ruling planet(s) is Venus.
Your lucky dates are 6th, 15th, 24th.
Your opposition sign is Scorpio.
Your opposition number(s) is 9 & 11.

Today is not one of your lucky days!

There are 26 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 44 candles.

Those 44 candles produce 44 BTUs,
or 11,088 calories of heat (that's only 11.0880 food Calories!) .
You can boil 5.03 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1964 there were approximately 4.2 million births in the US.
In 1964 the US population was approximately 179,323,175 people, 50.6 persons per square mile.
In 1964 in the US there were approximately 1,523,000 marriages (8.5%) and 393,000 divorces (2.2%)
In 1964 in the US there were approximately 1,712,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

In 1964 the population of Australia was approximately 11,280,429.
In 1964 there were approximately 229,149 births in Australia.
In 1964 in Australia there were approximately 86,013 marriages and 7,917 divorces.
In 1964 in Australia there were approximately 100,594 deaths.

Your birthstone is Emerald

The Mystical properties of Emerald

Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Emerald is used for physical and emotional healing.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Agate, Chrysoprase

Your birth tree is
Chestnut Tree, the Honesty

Of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritable and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self-confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

There are 247 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 260 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.

Click on the picture
for more information.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Thursday, April 17, 2008

More Animal Love




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Animal Love

I'm sure there will be someone dissapointed with these search results for Animal Love.
Sorry - not that kind of love.

On with the "awwwww"'s and giggles.




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Wednesday, April 16, 2008


See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

By the end it reminds me of the seagulls in Finding Nemo:

I Wish You Enough

"I wish you enough!"©
By Bob Perks

I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.

I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.

I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.

Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."

She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.

But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he
were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

He then began to sob and walked away.

My friends, I wish you enough!
Bob Perks

Bob Perks is an inspirational keynote speaker. I recently got an "I Wish You Enough" e-mail. There was no author listed and the sexes in the story had changed. As has become habit for me when I get one of these stories, I Google it & Snopes it. To my delight, I found Bob Perks. I have no desire to infringe on any copyrights. Please, click on the links and go see what else Bob has to say.

To all my friends and family - I WISH YOU ENOUGH.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Yes, we passed the 365 day mark on Sunday.

We had a Mass at 8AM and folks back to Mom's house afterwards. I made an egg & meat casserole and the easiest French toast casserole that everyone loved. I used Peppridge Farm cinnamon swirl bread)
Here's the recipe:

French Toast Casserole
Makes: 8 servings Total Time: 2 hr 5 min
* 1 loaf (16 ounces) Cinnamon swirl bread, any variety, cut into cubes (about 8 cups)
* 6 eggs
* 1 cup of dried cranberries or raisins
* 3 cups fat free half and half
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
* Confectioners' sugar

1. In greased 3-quart shallow baking dish arrange bread cubes. Mix eggs, milk, and vanilla. Pour over bread. Cover and refrigerate 1 hour or overnight.

2. Uncover. Bake at 350 for 50 minutes or until golden. Sprinkle with confectioners' sugar. Serve with pancake syrup if desired.
This quick-to-assemble breakfast casserole can be refrigerated overnight for a special morning treat.

There were also Coffee & bagels and donuts and good conversation.
It was nice.

It sucked.
Just the fact of having to have this gathering....
I spent the day on the couch Friday, Saturday I shopped and cooked. Sunday I left Moms a bit after noon and went home to the couch again. Yesterday, I couldn't get out of bed. I took another day and was on the couch. I went through a couple boxes of tissues over the past couple days.

When they say "It gets easier" They're lying. It never gets easier, you just learn how to hide it better. You learn to live with and tolerate the pain. The heartbreak and missing him every single Goddamn day don't get any better.

It's been a year now, and I still don't know what we're going to do without him.

I miss you Daddy, and I love you so very much.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The sad part is

I've felt like this lil guy looks.......more than once!

Friday, April 04, 2008

It's Come to This

I understand that as teens become the little aliens they are, there is a communication breakdown. Sometimes, getting more than a grunt can be considered success.

I've tried to take special care in always keeping the communication lines open between me & son. At times it's been tough, especially when what I communicate isn't what son wants to hear, which has been more often the case than not.

Recent commercials I've seen on TV are hitting too close to home. You know the ones I'm talking about, with the kids speaking in text message. Grandma even gets in on the action with "ONYD!" (Oh no you didn't). I bet a lot of parents can relate to those ads.
I've recently become victim myself.

Case in point:
I was on the couch in the living room watching TV. Son was in his bedroom, 10 feet away, thumbs blazing away on his phone. Rather than shout through the wall, I picked up my phone and texted him "Are you going to eat dinner?" His response "LOL, not hungry yet".

How low I have sunk.