Wednesday, September 28, 2005


did not go as well as planned.

Son waited on the porch, whilst I corralled the felines to whom I am staff. Not an easy feat in itself. Propped on the couch with one under each arm in a firm hold, they were already pissed. Once Julietta made her entrance with muzzle in place, much hissing and growling ensued.

Poor Julietta, who had previous feline friends was quite offended at the rejection. She approached for a friendly sniff and was greeted by loud hissing in stereo. She backed away and put her head down. Cuddles, my fat calico kitty, proceeded to growl ferociously. This was a cat that had lived with a dog, albeit 11 years ago. She was the one I feared would run away. I was wrong. This crusty old lady (18) stood her ground. Her eyes were as big as saucers and her tail looked like she had been electrocuted, but she was loudly voicing her protest.

Tabitha, on the other hand (literally) was attempting to disappear into the cushions of the couch. This surprised me. Tabitha is the princess of the house. She gets extremely jealous of any attention I pay to Cuddles and will pounce on my poor senior citizen to let her know. She had dinnerplate eyes and a very big tail as well.

Luckily, neither cat bolted when released. Although they retreated to higher ground, they let the intruder know that this was their turf and they were not pleased.

Julietta kept a keen eye on the hostiles and gave them a wide berth.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

It's a GIRL!


Aren't I gorgeous

64.6 pounds, Brindle colored, 26 inches at her shoulder. She'll be 5 years old on October 1st.

It was a long night last night. My son's enthusiasm was barely containable. We finally left to bring her home around 7:30pm. We had to stop by my parents house of course. My Grandmother had been as excited as my son.

My son sat in the back seat, with one section down flat and a comfy cushion for Julietta to lay on. "She has her head on my knee! She has to keep her paws touching me!" Those words touched a chord deep within me. I can remember growing up and wanting to have a special connection with the family pets. I think he has always felt a little left out because I am nothing more than a bed for my cats. I sit on the couch and they are on me. Add the bird, who adores me, to the mix and I look like Mrs. Doolittle. I hoped he would bond with Julietta.

All of those fears were laid to rest when we were at my Grandmothers. My son went to get the muzzle from the car to show the family. Julietta trotted like a horse to the door, she bolted back to the table whining...where's my boy? Where did he go? It was my turn to feel a wee bit green with envy. She had taken to my boy like a duck to water. My heart warmed. Every boy should have a dog. There is nothing that can be compared to the loyalty of a dog. A best friend that will never get mad at you, or bored with your company. Just being with you is enough. She will be waiting at the door, hearing his footsteps on the road home. The sheer joy in her eyes at seeing her "boy" can melt away the worst of days. The adventures they will go on!

He beamed from ear to ear when Nana told him how upset she was that he had left, how she was crying for him. "She missed me? She was crying for me?" It had happened, that inexplicable connection that would make them friends for life. None of us could be happier.

The connection, excitement and a whole new environment for Julietta made for a long night for me.

Monday, September 26, 2005


I got a phone call yesterday from the greyhound lady. She was all apologies for not having gotten back to me sooner. We are going to be allowed to adopt Bugsy. There is another problem though - Bugsy has shown interest in their test cat. He is going to be tested again. If he isn't cat approved, at least we will be able to adopt another.

I think it will be him though. If I can teach my cats not to chase my bird, I can probably teach the dog not to chase the cats. One swipe from Tabitha's claws could do the trick too. We will see.

Friday, September 23, 2005


There has been a development in my dog adoption. I received a call Tuesday from the lady about my reference at my vet. They don't have a record of me bringing my cats in. That's because I have not brought my cats in. They are indoor cats and I was told years ago by my vet (different than current one) that I didn't really need to bring them in unless they were sick - but they would have to get vaccinated if they ever were brought in.

This didn't jive too well with the lady in charge of adoptions. I relayed my history of pets and how I feel about them, to me they are family members, not pets. I offered to bring my cats in immediately for rabies vaccines if that would be required of me. She didn't want me to do that just yet - she needs some more time to think about if I would be a good adoptee parent or not....And she'd call me later in the week.

So I have been waiting to hear from her. I understand her position. She doesn't want to send the dog off to someone that wouldn't take care of him or provide annual checkups/proper medical care. It's very disappointing to me. I've waited 11 years - until I felt able to give the proper care and attention a dog requires. I've waited until I felt my son was old enough and responsible enough. I've waited until I was in a position that I could afford medical treatment if it is required. And I'm still waiting.......

I do hope I get a phone call today and I can pick up my boy tonight or tomorrow. I do hope the lady realizes that this dog will be treated like a member of the family. That I will provide whatever care necessary to keep him healthy and happy. Hell, if I will do it for my bird, of course I'd do it for a dog!

If I am not permitted to adopt Bugsy.......There are a lot of other Greyhounds out there that need good homes. Please, send a little positive mojo Bugsy's way so that he gets to make mine, his forever home. Thanks.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Road Rash

Pocket Mini Bike

My son acquired one of these about a month ago. He's been pretty good about being careful on it, at least when within sight of our home. I don't let him ride it after dark, or any main roadways. He always wears his helmet too. Good thing too - he wiped out last night. He found out that sand is slippery when you are on a bike. He tore up his elbow pretty good, and has slight road rash on his back. He's lucky. It could have been a lot worse.

Unfortunately, he doesn't see it that way. He can be such a drama queen. He almost immediately started in with being too injured to go to school tomorrow. "You'll live, you're going to be sore, but you are going to school tomorrow". That was all the sympathy I could muster for him, and it pissed him off. "Fine! Then I will go to the nurses office and stay there for the day! You'll have to come pick me up!" I wasn't taking the bait though. He actually had me put a sling on his arm because it hurt too badly to straighten it out. He was milking it, big time.

He calmed down once the adrenaline rush subsided. He soaked in a nice hot bath for a bit and felt better afterwards. Once he was convinced he didn't need stitches or hospitalization he turned his attention to the bike. It got pretty scratched up too, he believes the forks are bent - I couldn't see it. I finally told him to leave it until tomorrow because he was too shaken up to think clearly.

I've been extremely fortunate my son has never had a serious injury. The only ER trip I ever made for him was when he was 6 and hit himself in the head with the claw end of a hammer. It required 3 stitches to close. I blew the motor in my Ford Tempo doing 80 on the way to the hospital. This could have been a lot worse. A lot.

Blood an guts visions kept flashing through my head as I bandaged him up. My cool demeanor belied my inner turmoil. As parents we always want to keep our kids safe, no matter how old they are. It's not easy for a mother to let her child go. He isn't my blond little baby anymore. I couldn't just kiss it and make it better like I used to.

I said a prayer and thanked God for watching over my boy. I know his Guardian Angel works a lot of overtime, for that, I am grateful.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Tonights the Night


Season 2 Episode 1 tonight.

I think I've practically seen the entire episode already via clips on the web.
I've also read the spoilers and know the entire episode already.
Won't stop me from watching tho.

I am sooo addicted

Tuesday, September 20, 2005


I was in the grocery store last night with my son. He has a nasty cold at the moment, but he's been sucking it up pretty well. He's felt well enough to clean and rearrange for the arrival of our newest family member. I'm not sure which of us is more excited.

Anyway, we were in the baking isle and I told him he could pick out some jello and I'd make it for him. He wanted a dessert that would be easy on his sore throat. Right. The nachos and salsa were so hard to get down he only ate half the jar and half the bag.

It never fails with kids: You give them a choice of A or B and they always want C. He whined that he wanted pudding. Uh huh - the last 8 pack of pudding I bought, I saw it in the fridge once, then it was gone. One night. I repeated myself; "Which flavor of jello do you want?". He scanned and then focused on the top shelf, where there was no jello, "Cool! Oreo cookie pudding!". Of the wall of pudding, jello and dessert mixes, my son finds Waldo. Kids are Bloodhounds when it comes to anything Oreo - they can sniff them out wherever they may be.

He looked at me with his puppy dog face, even dropped the bottom lip for good measure. I surrendered. Shaking my head in defeat, I turned and pushed my carriage further up the isle. That's when I heard a chuckling from behind. I turned to see a sister on the Battlefield of Dessertness. She looked at me with empathy, "I shake my head the same way".

She understood my pain, she had been there herself. We smiled knowingly at each other and parted ways.

Suddenly, I didn't feel so alone in the War of Motherhood.

Monday, September 19, 2005


***Your Brain's Pattern***

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Another way of saying, I am in my own little world, no?

And no, I will not be sharing my Saywer fantasies with you.
I try to keep a PG-13 rating here.

Riddle me this

I have some news....I'm not going to share it just yet.
Possibly by Friday or Saturday - when it actually happens.

NO, I am not pregnant. Good God, you people.

It's good news, not that being pregnant wouldn't be....especially since it would have been an immaculate conception if I were.

It's something that I have been thinking about for quite some time now, though I am not sure that I have mentioned it here.

Dare to take a guess?

I predict Kfarmer will be the first to guess correctly.

Friday, September 16, 2005

It's a wonder I get any work done

I am not obsessed


I just like the show

and Sawyer....mmMmMmMmMmm Saywer

Oh yes, quite yummy.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Diary of a Manipulative Mom

I had a goal this weekend. I had a goal to clean off my porch which had accumulated so much stuff it was difficult to get from the front door to the back. I had a goal to clean out the shed. I had a goal to get rid of all my unused and unwanted stuff that was just taking up space. I was determined to reach that goal.

I knew I couldn't do it alone - it was a big job. I had to figure a way of getting help to do a tough, dirty, sweaty job that had to be done. The only help in sight was my son, his friend, and his friend's brother and sister that were hanging around playing.

I announced my plans. I promised some kind of reward, whether it be pizza or burgers & dogs....I stopped short of cash - teens are expensive these days. The four agreed to help. The 6th grade sister of the friend claimed she didn't need a reward, she liked cleaning. I liked this girl.

We dug in with vigor. I handed item after item and directed which pile it would go to: shed, trash or give away. Things moved fairly quickly. A half hour passed and there were was the discovery of a couple water guns beneath the boxes of Christmas decorations, clothes and books. The boys proceeded to do what boys will do while, I'll call her "J", and I continued to sort. "Boys can't pay attention for very long. They get bored so easy...Unless they are playing video games". This was one sharp little girl. Did I say I liked her?

I gave them a break for a bit and hung up some laundry. J parked herself on the grass and chatted with me while I did. The late summer heat forced sweat on my brow. The sounds of boys giving chase and laughter wafted on the slight breeze. It was a moment I paused and relished. I will not have many of these days left. I have not had enough of these days.

My son doesn't have a lot of friends. It seemed, that any time he made a friend in our neighborhood the Munster children next door got a hold of them and turned them away from my son. (I should interject that I live next door to the neighbors from hell - A Grandmother, Mother and 5 children living in a two bedroom, 14x72 mobile home. I have more horror stories than Steven King. Someday I will tell them to you). It was nice that he had re-connected with this particular boy. He is polite and softspoken, as are his brother and sister. I could tell from their interaction that they come from a family of love. Being told that they were going to host a family made homeless by Katrina only confirmed this.

Once the laundry was done, I put everyone back on task, the first of many times. Four hours later, we were done. The kids had a nice seating area where they could watch TV and play video games and I had a clean porch and shed.

I then moved indoors to empty the dishwasher and clean off some counters. I was followed by my ragged troop. They settled down to watch a movie while I kept working. I set to the counters, once the sink and dishwasher were empty. A generous spray of cleaner on the empty counter drew J like a moth to a flame. She stood in front of me with eager eyes. My hand held the sponge in midair. Our eyes met.....She was like a rabbit eyeing a carrot. "You want.." "Yes please!" She wasn't kidding when she said she liked to clean. I really like this girl. I wonder if she'd like to adopted.

Once everything was complete, we were still all hot and sweaty. What's the best thing on a hot summer day after working hard? Besides, an ice cold beer.

Second choice? ICE CREAM of course! A phone call home to get Mom's approval and we were off. I took them to a local place where the regular sized cones of homemade ice cream are so huge that a cup is mandatory with your cone. I swear a regular contains an entire pint of ice cream. I couldn't even finish a kiddy cone!

The five of us claimed a picnic table and indulged. Farts (not me of course!), giggles, general silliness and sloppy full faced ice cream bowl dives ensued. What? You think I was going to let them in my new car with drippy, melting ice cream??? As we enjoyed our cool summery goodness. I thanked them all for their tremendous efforts and saw each of them blush, when I said I couldn't have gotten it done without such a great team of hardworking kids.

Once home, they each went off with their bag of treasures: 4 models, a rabbit fur coat half eaten by the squirrels that got into the shed, a black dry erase board and markers, and an old SuperNintendo with games.

What makes the entire day extra special is that my son hadn't had any meds. Medication that helps him lead a normal life. Medication that allows him to think before he acts. Medication that I should have mailed away for sooner. I was waiting on a delayed mail order that would be delivered Monday. I was responsible for him not having any medication for that day. A point he voiced loud and often when I reprimanded him. I chose to save the one day of meds I had for Monday so he wouldn't have to miss school. There were trying moments where I had to reel my son in for his hyper, out of control behavior. There were moments where I had to shout at his cursing because he was showing off for others, trying to be the tough guy. I bit my tongue so hard it bled and I pulled patience up from the tips of my toes that I didn't even know was there. I overlooked a lot, including the fact that he took full advantage of the fact to behave badly. He knew it too, he didn't protest much when I said it was time for everyone to go home and the day was done.

I may have overlooked, but I did not forget. I would not let him forget either. I would deal with his transgressions Monday, when we were both better able to discuss them. Then we will move on.

It was a long, hard day with lots of bad, and good. The good is what I want to remember 5 years from now.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


For the first time - I have been tagged.
This is a fun one though, at least I don't have to come up with witty remarks about the last book I read!
Thanks for being gentle with me KFarmer

10 years ago: A year and a half after my divorce. Trudging along at my part-time UPS job, making ends meet. My son started kindergarten, Grandpa was there for his first day, there were tears. Optimistic about life & the future, 31 years old and in the best physical shape of my life - I was pretty hot. I'll have to post a PIC sometime to prove it.

5 years ago: On the brink of bankruptcy. Depressed & 60 pounds heavier after coming out of a really, really bad relationship. Managing as best I can as a Mom. He is 10 now, still quite manageable and a good kid.

1 Year ago. I finally paid off all my credit card debt! Woo Hoo! 3 years at my new job and I love it! Maybe next year I can buy a car?! One more debt to go first. Maybe now I can start thinking about me and taking better care of my self, lose some weight. Son has decided he knows everything there is to know and I have become the dumbest person in existence. He has developed a mouth on him that I'd like to duct tape shut at times. I wish his father would visit more consistently.

Yesterday: Was awoken at 5 AM by son getting in the shower. He's a sophomore now. When did that happen? He's taller than I am, good looking, too smart for his own good. He informed that there are a lot of "hot" freshman girls this year. Help me! Drove to work in my 2 month new car with the rocking stereo cranked up playing a CD I created with music for my Grandfathers memorial DVD. Stopped by and visited with my Grandmother after work. Watched Blade Trinity with my son and his friend after supper. Fell asleep on the couch. Life is so much better now. All I have to do is get my ass in gear and get fit!

Five songs I know all the words to- Stevie Nicks:Leather & Lace, Oh Danny Boy, Nickelback: Neveragain, Sarah McLaughlin:Angel, John Denver:grandma's Feather Bed

5 Snacks: chips & salsa, cheese & crackers, popcorn, chocolate & fruit salad.

5 Things I'd do w/ $100 million dollars: Build my subterranean energy efficient dream home. Renovate and donate my current home to a family devastated by Katrina. Pay all my bills. Retire my parents to Florida. Invest & save.

5 places I would run away to: Ireland, Hawaii (on the same island they film Lost, of course), Alaska (during the 6 months of daylight), Colorado, a private Caribbean island all my own.

5 things I would never wear: Sox with sandals! Puuullease!, tube tops (a banana hammock for breasts), fur (only faux!), print pants, muumuus.

5 favorite TV shows: Lost, House, Buffy, Stargate SG-1, Extreme Home Makeover, Anything Star Trek (I know, that's 6, it's just too hard to choose!)

5 greatest joys: (other than my son)-gardening, crafting, motorcycle rides, reading, the love of a pet.

5 favorite toys: car, PC, DVD player.......I need more toys.

5 people I'm tagging: MM (Sorry, but I see a very entertaining post in this one), Izchan, Batonga, Joseph K & Rurality. Please, only if it will be fun for you, don't feel obligated.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Spammers Suck

My apologies for having to word verify comments. I have become the victim of spammers and it was necessary.

A Brief Glimpse

My favorite photo

I wanted to share a bit of what has been occupying my time recently. I had trouble figuring out how to post multiple pics to one post, instead I have 4 posts with pics. I'll figure out how to do that later.

This is my fav pic of my Grandfather when he was younger, about 22 here, 1940. This looks so gangsta to me. It looks like he's saying "I'd like to make you an offer you can't refuse.." And...yes, that is a picture of his mother on the table.


My son with his Great-Grandfather.

My son was a year old in this pic. It was taken at my parents place in Maine. I love how they are looking at each other.

The brief Hemingway period

He looks so Hemingway here. The only time I ever saw him with facial hair. He kept it briefly because it itched too much. I have only seen a couple other photos with a thin mustache when he was in his 20's.


This was the same weekend as the pic with my son. It was a familiar sight to see him reading the paper. Don't ya just love the red shoes with the sox? At least they were white sox and not black.

Friday, September 02, 2005


I've been busier than a bee in a field of flowers. That's my excuse for not posting. At least the OT is good. 50 hours last week, and that was with taking Monday to go to my Great Aunts funeral. I'll be working over the weekend as well. I've fallen behind at work with vacation and a week off for my Grandfathers passing. Putting out fires and taking care of urgent matters have put me even more behind in my regular work.

There are big changes afoot as well. My boss is moving to England next week. I will become the contact person for our office and responsible for wrapping up the end of our NSF (National Science Foundation) funding. All of our Directors accounts are being moved to me, as well as our Co-Directors. I will be losing approximately 10 accounts and taking on 20-30 more. It's a great opportunity for me to step up to the plate, learn new things, grow, and hopefully shine. I just hope I don't fall flat on my face. I'll just try and go with the flow and do the best I can. Luckily, I have a great support system and knowledgeable people I can turn to.

I've been visiting my Grandmother after work almost every day. After 63 years of marriage, I cannot even fathom what she is going through. On more than one occasion, she had said: "I can't believe he's gone". I sit and talk with her about her day. I cry with her. I listen. I encourage. I let her know how much I love her. I let her know she is not alone. All I can do is be there for her.

She told me how she was napping in her rocker/recliner and was woken up by someone grabbing her toes. She is extremely ticklish in her feet and hates having her toes touched. I know this for a fact.

I was about 12 years old when I was sitting on the floor at her feet and I started tickling her. She grabbed a hold of my ponytails (hey, it was 1975!), and started pulling and shouting. The more I tickled, the harder she pulled and the louder she shouted. I was laughing so hard I couldn't stop. It was an AFV moment for sure.

Anyway, my parents were both working and there was no one else in the house. I told her it was Papa teasing her by grabbing at her toes. She agreed. It was something so very typical of my Grandfather. She went on to say that she can't believe that he is laying there in the cemetery. At that point, we both had tears running down our faces. I told her: "He isn't there, he's here. He's young again and at peace. He's watching over you, making sure you're OK, letting you know he's OK".

A day or two later she told me how she had shut off the bedroom light and went to the kitchen. She then noticed the bedroom light was on again. It may or may not be true but, I have a feeling that, my Grandfather is going to be blamed for similar occurrences in the future. She still comes out with many humorous quips and has that sparkle in her eye. She is coping as best she can, that is all anyone can ask.

Once home from work, I've been doing the regular stuff (laundry, cleaning, cooking dinner & cleaning up), then getting on the PC to scan and edit pictures for the tribute DVD I am working on. Do you have any idea how time consuming that is? It's a long process to scan, edit and figure out dates for photographs, some dating back to the 20's and 30's. It's especially tough with the older albums that I have to scan. The pictures are pasted to the albums and it takes several scans to get one page completed. I'm up to about 400 pictures now, with many more to go. In my spare time (right! My lunch breaks at work), I have compiled about 17 songs for the background music. I only hope I can actually do what I've envisioned. I've never created a photo DVD before. I pray the software I have is compatible and user friendly enough for me to make it all come together.

It has been a labor of love, perhaps even a coping mechanism for my grief. Looking at captured moments in time, from the 87 years of my Grandfathers life, I have learned more about him in the last 3 weeks than I had in the 41 years of mine.

I never felt like my Grandfather was an affectionate man. I felt there was a wall between us, or that he kept a certain distance. Perhaps it was because of his upbringing. I have been told that his mother was a very tough woman. You'd have to be, to raise 7 children during the Depression era. Maybe it was losing two brothers in World War II. Maybe it was just the way he was.

He never failed to help out a family member in need. I lived with my Grandparents for a few years during my most rebellious period, much to parents disapproval. He bailed me, and other family out financially, on more than one occasion. He would help out anyone that asked, yet never asked for help himself. Paradoxically, he was both generous and miserly. He donated to his church weekly, yet bought the cheapest cut of steak, when he could afford sirloin. He would give you the shirt off his back to help you, while simultaneously voicing judgment. He would criticize often and praise rarely. He was intelligent, honest and hard working. He was stubborn and opinionated. He had a strong religious faith and was passionate in his beliefs. He was a voracious reader and had a thirst for knowledge. He felt a sense of duty and community. He was always active and involved in various organizations. I don't think I ever heard him grumble about his life, not once, no matter how bad things were. Even when he was enduring radiation treatments and dying from cancer - he never complained. He was a complex man, he was a good man.

I have discovered: although he rarely expressed his love, affection or pride in his offspring's accomplishments - it was there. It's there in the photographs and items he squirreled away over the years. The newspaper cuttings, report cards, photo albums and documents have shown me a side of my Grandfather I never knew existed. It is more than the residual packrat compulsion of growing up without, during the Depression. He saved what was important to him. His interest in photography was more than a hobby, it was his way of capturing the moments that mattered to him. He recorded every birth, graduation, marriage, holiday, birthday, anniversary or event of his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren in volumes of albums.

What he seemingly couldn't express to those he loved in life, he has shown in the pieces he cherished and saved. Pride, protectiveness and love ran deeply within my Grandfather.

I miss his presence. A presence I didn't truly appreciate while I had the chance.