I don't do resolutions.
I try to reflect on the past year and find, in myself, what I need to improve upon.
Am I moving in the right direction?
What have I done to grow, mentally, emotionally & spiritually?
What could I have done better?
What are my weaknesses?
What don't I like about myself?
What have I done for others?
I pray for more strength in 2007.
I pray for clarity and direction in my life.
I pray for the will to be more self disciplined and to not procrastinate.
Most of all, I pray for a miracle for my Dad & Mom.
I pray, with all the pieces of my heart, for their good health and happiness.
I wish you all that you need in 2007.
Amen.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Merry Christmas
I'd like to wish each and every one of you the very bestest of Holidays! Julieta even got dressed up to send her wishes too!
Friday, December 22, 2006
Found Something
I found something yesterday that I thought I had lost for good, my Christmas spirit. It started creeping in during our office lunch. Gifts were exchanged, food and snacks were abundant. The atmosphere was relaxed and the conversion came easy. A far cry from my borderline meltdown a few hours prior when sitting in a 15 mile traffic backup from a 9 car pileup on the highway. My good friend D was stuck in the same traffic and talked me in to getting off the highway and meeting for a cup o coffee. It was a good idea.
That feeling came in to focus at my parents house after work. Sitting at the kitchen table chatting with my Mother, seeing the sparkle back in her eyes, looking around at all the decorations, my heart started to swell. It felt wonderful to just sit and talk, to complain about all that there is still left to do. The traditional gathering at Mom & Dads for Christmas Eve is on, I had written it off, with the way things were going.
I have so much still left to do: baking and wrapping and shopping. I'm behind at work. My house is a mess. the checkbook is almost empty and it's all OK. It'll all get done, and if it doesn't, that's OK too. We'll be together. Together with family, drinking nog & eating too many delicious high calorie treats, talking and laughing, taking pictures, taking naps after the maelstrom of present opening passes and our bellies are full of the Christmas dinner. Watching my nephews tear through all their gifts so fast that they don't even realize what they're actually getting and then be looking for more! Laughing till we cry, when watching Chevy Chase take his rocket sled ride down the hill for the hundredth time. Listening to Christmas music. Making memories. Treasuring every second of it. Yup, it doesn't get any better than that.
I hope you've found your Christmas spirit.
I found something yesterday that I thought I had lost for good, my Christmas spirit. It started creeping in during our office lunch. Gifts were exchanged, food and snacks were abundant. The atmosphere was relaxed and the conversion came easy. A far cry from my borderline meltdown a few hours prior when sitting in a 15 mile traffic backup from a 9 car pileup on the highway. My good friend D was stuck in the same traffic and talked me in to getting off the highway and meeting for a cup o coffee. It was a good idea.
That feeling came in to focus at my parents house after work. Sitting at the kitchen table chatting with my Mother, seeing the sparkle back in her eyes, looking around at all the decorations, my heart started to swell. It felt wonderful to just sit and talk, to complain about all that there is still left to do. The traditional gathering at Mom & Dads for Christmas Eve is on, I had written it off, with the way things were going.
I have so much still left to do: baking and wrapping and shopping. I'm behind at work. My house is a mess. the checkbook is almost empty and it's all OK. It'll all get done, and if it doesn't, that's OK too. We'll be together. Together with family, drinking nog & eating too many delicious high calorie treats, talking and laughing, taking pictures, taking naps after the maelstrom of present opening passes and our bellies are full of the Christmas dinner. Watching my nephews tear through all their gifts so fast that they don't even realize what they're actually getting and then be looking for more! Laughing till we cry, when watching Chevy Chase take his rocket sled ride down the hill for the hundredth time. Listening to Christmas music. Making memories. Treasuring every second of it. Yup, it doesn't get any better than that.
I hope you've found your Christmas spirit.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Home Again
Mom's home. She's feeling a lot better, but still short of breath. She was on her way to congestive heart failure, luckily, they Cardioverted her in time. There's some fluid in her lungs that should clear up with meds and bring her O2 stats back up. She's home and on her way to a full recovery.
Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.
Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.
Converted
Got the word from Dad; Moms converted to normal sinus rhythm and feels a hell of a lot better.
Whew!
Not sure if she's coming home tonight or not, will wait for another update from Dad.
Whew!
Not sure if she's coming home tonight or not, will wait for another update from Dad.
Things are looking better..... it's even Beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you roam..
Mom Update, as requested
Late last week they changed her Cardiovert from Monday to Wed. (for unknown reasons) - they should have left it on Monday.
About 11:30 yesterday, Mom was feeling so bad & her heart rate was so erratic, that she drove herself to the local urgent care facility. It must be the RN mentality, it didn't even occur to her to call an ambulance. OY! I found out about it all when Dad called me to drive him so he would be able to drive Mom's car home.
We arrived at the window of the urgent care area. After a few minutes one of the "extremely busy" nurses at the desk looked up and and droned her mantra "You need to be seen? Please sign the sheet and have a seat." Dad leaned in "I'm here to see Sharfa's Mom". Slightly annoyed at the nurses tone with us, I muttered "Bitch" under my breath. Dad muttered "Don't fall over". I didn't understand his meaning until the locked door was opened by a woman with the biggest bosom I had ever seen. She was the definition of an "apple" figure. She gave new meaning to the term "barrel chested". The exertion of moving her large frame from the desk to the door showed in her flushed face.
We were directed to the last room on the left. Mom was curled up, covered with blankets and on nasal O2. She looked pale and fragile to me. She sat up when we entered and she pointed out the heart monitor which switched back and forth from her pulse to heart rate. It looked like a slot machine run amuck. The numbers flashed different every time: 161, 89, 142, 93, 130......Her breath was shallow and short.
We got the lowdown on what was going on. They were waiting to hear back from Mass General to see if she could be a direct admit. Going through Emergency, they would have to repeat everything she had already been through at Urgent Care. A misnomer if there ever was one. If you've ever seen ER, this was the opposite of that. Things seemed to move in slow motion, and I worry that Big Barbie would have a heart attack if she ever had to do anything urgently.
Mom put her hand to her forehead "Fuck! It isn't going to be much of a Christmas". This is how my parents are. Here is my Mother, lying in a hospital bed with her heart racing like Seabiscuit, and she's worried about all the shopping she hasn't been able to do. Worried about there not being enough presents under the tree, worried about everyone else. "Screw Christmas" my Dad and I both said. "You'll get the Convert done tomorrow and feel like your old self" Said Dad. "I hope so" Mom whispered.
We joked and laughed. It help relieve some of the tension. We heard the on call Dr. on the phone with Mass General and the three of us leaned towards the door - trying to eavesdrop on what was being said. "Lasix, heart normal size....lungs" Only bits and pieces could be heard. Mom was worried about having to go into Boston by ambulance, worried about the exorbitant charge they nail you with. "So what" I said "They need to monitor you and have everything handy should something happen. Daddy certainly can't plug you into the car radio for monitoring".
Mom and Dad finally told me to go home, they didn't know how much longer it would be. Everything was under control and I had a sick kid (home from school) at home. Dad called me later. They took her in by ambulance, he went home and she would call when she got settled. There wasn't much of anything he could do anyway.
Dad will be heading there after working a bit this morning. He'll keep me posted.
I'm home with the sick kid again. He's feeling better but still has the stuffy head, sore throat, achy, waking up every hour thing. Too bad - I made a very pretty Tiramisu for the staff Christmas party today.
I told my Dad we should just forget Christmas. "Let's just sit around, eat all day and have a movie marathon, or like Chunks suggested play Scrabble" Sounds like a plan to me.
I know Mom is really scared, even though she tried to hide it. Strangely though, I'm not. I know everything is going to be OK. I'll be in the kitchen, baking a few hundred cookies and breads and treats, if you need me.
I'll post more as I hear.
About 11:30 yesterday, Mom was feeling so bad & her heart rate was so erratic, that she drove herself to the local urgent care facility. It must be the RN mentality, it didn't even occur to her to call an ambulance. OY! I found out about it all when Dad called me to drive him so he would be able to drive Mom's car home.
We arrived at the window of the urgent care area. After a few minutes one of the "extremely busy" nurses at the desk looked up and and droned her mantra "You need to be seen? Please sign the sheet and have a seat." Dad leaned in "I'm here to see Sharfa's Mom". Slightly annoyed at the nurses tone with us, I muttered "Bitch" under my breath. Dad muttered "Don't fall over". I didn't understand his meaning until the locked door was opened by a woman with the biggest bosom I had ever seen. She was the definition of an "apple" figure. She gave new meaning to the term "barrel chested". The exertion of moving her large frame from the desk to the door showed in her flushed face.
We were directed to the last room on the left. Mom was curled up, covered with blankets and on nasal O2. She looked pale and fragile to me. She sat up when we entered and she pointed out the heart monitor which switched back and forth from her pulse to heart rate. It looked like a slot machine run amuck. The numbers flashed different every time: 161, 89, 142, 93, 130......Her breath was shallow and short.
We got the lowdown on what was going on. They were waiting to hear back from Mass General to see if she could be a direct admit. Going through Emergency, they would have to repeat everything she had already been through at Urgent Care. A misnomer if there ever was one. If you've ever seen ER, this was the opposite of that. Things seemed to move in slow motion, and I worry that Big Barbie would have a heart attack if she ever had to do anything urgently.
Mom put her hand to her forehead "Fuck! It isn't going to be much of a Christmas". This is how my parents are. Here is my Mother, lying in a hospital bed with her heart racing like Seabiscuit, and she's worried about all the shopping she hasn't been able to do. Worried about there not being enough presents under the tree, worried about everyone else. "Screw Christmas" my Dad and I both said. "You'll get the Convert done tomorrow and feel like your old self" Said Dad. "I hope so" Mom whispered.
We joked and laughed. It help relieve some of the tension. We heard the on call Dr. on the phone with Mass General and the three of us leaned towards the door - trying to eavesdrop on what was being said. "Lasix, heart normal size....lungs" Only bits and pieces could be heard. Mom was worried about having to go into Boston by ambulance, worried about the exorbitant charge they nail you with. "So what" I said "They need to monitor you and have everything handy should something happen. Daddy certainly can't plug you into the car radio for monitoring".
Mom and Dad finally told me to go home, they didn't know how much longer it would be. Everything was under control and I had a sick kid (home from school) at home. Dad called me later. They took her in by ambulance, he went home and she would call when she got settled. There wasn't much of anything he could do anyway.
Dad will be heading there after working a bit this morning. He'll keep me posted.
I'm home with the sick kid again. He's feeling better but still has the stuffy head, sore throat, achy, waking up every hour thing. Too bad - I made a very pretty Tiramisu for the staff Christmas party today.
I told my Dad we should just forget Christmas. "Let's just sit around, eat all day and have a movie marathon, or like Chunks suggested play Scrabble" Sounds like a plan to me.
I know Mom is really scared, even though she tried to hide it. Strangely though, I'm not. I know everything is going to be OK. I'll be in the kitchen, baking a few hundred cookies and breads and treats, if you need me.
I'll post more as I hear.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Conversion
Mom is going in to Mass General Monday to be converted. No, not to the religion of Hospital worship, but to a normal heart rhythm. They will sedate her and shock her heart.
Apparently, it's not a big deal and they do this all the time. Not with my Mother you don't!
Seriously though, it's an outpatient procedure and she should be fine. She just can't take feeling like she has been anymore. I don't blame her, she's wiped out at the slightest effort. Meds should help keep her from reverting back to A-Fib.
I only wish everything could be fixed with a good jolt of electricity.
"CLEAR!"
Apparently, it's not a big deal and they do this all the time. Not with my Mother you don't!
Seriously though, it's an outpatient procedure and she should be fine. She just can't take feeling like she has been anymore. I don't blame her, she's wiped out at the slightest effort. Meds should help keep her from reverting back to A-Fib.
I only wish everything could be fixed with a good jolt of electricity.
"CLEAR!"
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Bah Humbug!
I have a question for all of you:
Where are you at with your Christmas Shopping? I know that Holiday Shopping is the more politically correct phrase. Go HERE to find out exactly how I feel about that.
Are you already done? I hate you.
Not even started yet? At least I'm ahead of you
Got some but oh so much more to buy, bake, craft? High fives! We're in the same boat
Can I say how much I hate shopping!
People are soooooooooo rude, ignorant and selfish. Like Chunks said a little freakin courtesy goes a long way. These people that take up entire isles and cannot be bothered to get out of the way are going to find my foot up their ass very soon!
That's why I've let my fingers do some of the shopping online and I'm firing up the oven and glue gun for the rest of it.
So, Where you at?
Where are you at with your Christmas Shopping? I know that Holiday Shopping is the more politically correct phrase. Go HERE to find out exactly how I feel about that.
Are you already done? I hate you.
Not even started yet? At least I'm ahead of you
Got some but oh so much more to buy, bake, craft? High fives! We're in the same boat
Can I say how much I hate shopping!
People are soooooooooo rude, ignorant and selfish. Like Chunks said a little freakin courtesy goes a long way. These people that take up entire isles and cannot be bothered to get out of the way are going to find my foot up their ass very soon!
That's why I've let my fingers do some of the shopping online and I'm firing up the oven and glue gun for the rest of it.
So, Where you at?
NUMB3RS
2 = Small Tumors untreated, Chemo rounds scheduled (2 months)
3 = The number of Tumors we thought he had
6 = Weeks until follow up
9 = Tumors treated
11 = Tumors Total
14 = Hours at the hospital
80-90 = What Mom's heart rate has dropped to, though it's still irratic
It was a very, very long day for my folks. I haven't seen the PICS Mom took of Dad with the Halo on yet. Tough to eat wearing that thing and, he couldn't wear his glasses, so he couldn't even read. They left 2 tumors untreated because they would have had to reconfigure the machine and apparently thats very time consuming. They found a total of 11 because they did a high contrast MRI, the extras decided not to show up on the regular MRI. In a way that could be considered a good thing. At least they are small and they zapped what they could.
Dad had chemo when he went to the oncologist Tuesday. It kind of surprised my folks because they thought this was more of an update consult. His #'s were up a bit - but that could have been due to the Gamma rays. All the hair that started to come in on his head is going to fall out again.
January is the follow ups. He'll also have lung, ab., pelvis MRI as well as head MRI and then we'll see where we are at.
Mom is about the same. Pulse rate down in the 80-90 range - but irratic. She still hasn't converted. She's got an upcoming appointment as well to see what her next step is.
Hurry up and wait.....again.
Thank you for all your well wishes and mojo!
3 = The number of Tumors we thought he had
6 = Weeks until follow up
9 = Tumors treated
11 = Tumors Total
14 = Hours at the hospital
80-90 = What Mom's heart rate has dropped to, though it's still irratic
It was a very, very long day for my folks. I haven't seen the PICS Mom took of Dad with the Halo on yet. Tough to eat wearing that thing and, he couldn't wear his glasses, so he couldn't even read. They left 2 tumors untreated because they would have had to reconfigure the machine and apparently thats very time consuming. They found a total of 11 because they did a high contrast MRI, the extras decided not to show up on the regular MRI. In a way that could be considered a good thing. At least they are small and they zapped what they could.
Dad had chemo when he went to the oncologist Tuesday. It kind of surprised my folks because they thought this was more of an update consult. His #'s were up a bit - but that could have been due to the Gamma rays. All the hair that started to come in on his head is going to fall out again.
January is the follow ups. He'll also have lung, ab., pelvis MRI as well as head MRI and then we'll see where we are at.
Mom is about the same. Pulse rate down in the 80-90 range - but irratic. She still hasn't converted. She's got an upcoming appointment as well to see what her next step is.
Hurry up and wait.....again.
Thank you for all your well wishes and mojo!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Going Under The Knife
This PIC is from 1973 (I believe or '75) of my Dad and his best friend Bob. Dad is on the right - love the hippy hair and those 70's shirts?!?! I believe this was a celebration party from when Dad & Bob formed their business partnership.
Thank you Bob & Ginnie for the PIC.
The procedure Dad is having tomorrow is called Gamma Knife or Stereotactic Radiosurgery. I pray it works as well as they claim and it annihilates the brain metastases.
I need to give a shout out to KFarmer
and her persistence in calling me a second time when I was being a shit and didn't return her call. Thank you for your support and kind words - they lifted me up.
If it's not too much to ask, would you all mind sending a lil magick this way tomorrow and help give the Gamma an extra kick? I'd really like to see my Dad smile like that again.
Thank you Bob & Ginnie for the PIC.
The procedure Dad is having tomorrow is called Gamma Knife or Stereotactic Radiosurgery. I pray it works as well as they claim and it annihilates the brain metastases.
I need to give a shout out to KFarmer
and her persistence in calling me a second time when I was being a shit and didn't return her call. Thank you for your support and kind words - they lifted me up.
If it's not too much to ask, would you all mind sending a lil magick this way tomorrow and help give the Gamma an extra kick? I'd really like to see my Dad smile like that again.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Hope
What a powerful word that is.
With it, anything is possible.
Without it, we are lost.
Mom & Dad were very encouraged by their appointment yesterday, regarding the targeted radiation therapy. I could hear it in my Dads voice last night. The brain tumors are "small", they have a very high success rate treating tumors such as this. The treatment can be done as many times as needed (not just a one time shot as my Dad previously believed). The treament irradiates the tumors without damaging the normal surrounding tissue.
Moms pulse rate is slowly coming down. Her heart still gets racing at the slightest effort. But. It's coming down.
Encouraged.
High success rate.
As many times as needed.
Slowing heart rate.
Hope.
With it, anything is possible.
Without it, we are lost.
Mom & Dad were very encouraged by their appointment yesterday, regarding the targeted radiation therapy. I could hear it in my Dads voice last night. The brain tumors are "small", they have a very high success rate treating tumors such as this. The treatment can be done as many times as needed (not just a one time shot as my Dad previously believed). The treament irradiates the tumors without damaging the normal surrounding tissue.
Moms pulse rate is slowly coming down. Her heart still gets racing at the slightest effort. But. It's coming down.
Encouraged.
High success rate.
As many times as needed.
Slowing heart rate.
Hope.
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