Captive Audience

No matter where she may be in the house; Dusty always comes running whenever I sit on the toilet. She meows for scratches and purrs away. Tabitha did the same thing, until The Terrorist arrived.
I could be sitting on the couch for an hour and not see Dusty. Plop my ass on the commode and there she is.
What is it with cats and the toilet?

This is so Cool!

I just booked the first two tickets (seats 1 & 2) to see John Edward in Boston in February!!!!!!!
I'm giddy! Sqweeing with delight and having a total fan girl moment!

Mom & I talked about John Edward last week and I had told her that there wasn't anything scheduled in our area that wasn't already sold out or had passed. I recently bought his newest book - Practical Praying. I just happened to go to his site today, low and behold - 2008 dates! It's going to be a gallery setting (small group) not an auditorium and it could even be filmed for TV! (If it is - I'll be the one with the endlessly running tears and snot faucet!)

Whether or not you believe in psychic mediums, John has something going on. He comes out with such off the wall and unique validations for people. It would be more than just comforting to have it validated that my Dad is still here with us.

The timing of this has got to be more than just coincidence.


At last - something to look forward to!

More Pics

Anniversary

Although Mom states she doesn't have an anniversary anymore, today would have been their 44th wedding anniversary.
The following pics are from an early 80's anniversary limo ride & dinner.


Dad is singing Elvis in the center pic.

Their love was not only a love of a lifetime, it transcends death.
I know my Dad is sending love and roses still.

I Poisoned my Cat

I raced to the bedroom to break up what I thought was another cat fight. The banging from behind the night stand sounded intense. I moved the nightstand and Tabitha lurched out. I pulled her out further and to my horror she was in the midst of a full blown seizure. All her muscles were taunt, she was practically convulsing.

I immediately scooped her up and put her in the sink to wash off the greasy flea treatment that stained her back. It's the only reason I could think of for this happening: she was having a reaction.

D walked in as I was cuddling Tabitha in a towel and rocking her. D has experience with seizures. Her adopted standard poodle, Samantha, has suffered them more than once. She understood my worry.

Tabitha walked on her haunches but responded to petting, her hind end would raise when I hit her ass button. She vocalized a few times but was very disoriented and couldn't focus to eat or drink. D could see I had my hands full and left with a "Call me if you need me".

As the minutes ticked by, Tabitha worsened. She couldn't stand any longer. She just laid on her side, twitching uncontrollably. It reminded me of my Dad towards the end. The medication made him twitch and his arms and legs would flail.

I called the new vets office, closed. I called my previous vet. After some time on hold, the receptionist told me that the on call doc could see her but there'd be a $75 emergency fee....blah...blah.... I explained that I had treated Tabitha with some spot on flea treatement yesterday and that she had been perfectly healthy up to this point. I didn't get any indication one way or the other that I should bring her in immediately. I was told that I could watch her and if she had more than 3 seizures in an hour, I should seek treatment. I didn't feel reassured or guided in any direction.

I phoned D and she phoned a friend that works in a vet office with my info. D called back and said that her friend had seen an allergic reation such as this in a kitten recently, the kitten almost died. At this point, Tabitha couldn't even stand, her body was twitching badly and when she started purring in response to my petting and talking to her - she went into convulsive twitching.

It was 8PM at this point and I headed off to a local 24/7 emergency hospital.

I was afraid more than once, on the ride there, that I had lost her. I kept my hand on the carrier to make sure there was still movement. Right before I arrived, I think she seized again.

The receptionist took her right away down the hall, shouting I need help with a cat here. I couldn't even remember my own phone number when I was filling out the form. The receptionist was so patient and reassuring with me. I relayed my info about the flea treatment. I couldn't remember what brand it was, I had bought it back in the spring. I had one left over from a 3 pack. It was generic, I bought it at the grocery store. When I was finally done, they put me in exam room 4 to wait, it was 8:37.

I paced. Son called twice. D called. I wanted to throw up.

At 9:07 the Dr. came in. A young, fresh faced brunette. She confirmed my suspicions of it being a poisoning from pyrethrins. She reassured me to not feel guilty because it's sold as safe. But, it isn't. The Vet expressed her outrage at these products being sold. It's a common occurance for this to happen to cats treated with over the counter pyrenthins. They should be outlawed.

Tabitha was on IV fluid and heavily sedated with muscle relaxants to stop the twitching, which could lead to another seizure. They bathed her again, because the stuff is oil based. They would keep her overnight and, depending on how she was in the AM, I could take her home. She would need to be treated at home with muscle relaxants for a few days. She was honest with the treatment being expensive and some pet owners not being able to afford the cost. She would have an estimate drawn up and they would require a deposit on treatment.

This is my Princess. She's 13 years old, and moves like a kitten. (The vet commented on what great shape she is in for a 13 year old). This is my baby that will leap from the floor to my chest and rest on my shoulders as long as I will let her.

It was my fault. I did this to her. Tabitha was once an aggressive and easily spooked 2 year old & would attack strangers that held her. She has grown into a loving, affectionate, gentle lady that loves to greet company and won't even fight back a young punky interloper.

I paid the $516 deposit and left her in the capable hands of the hospital. They brought her to me, still wet from another bath, limp & sedated. They put tears in her eyes because she couldn't even blink. She was out of it, but relaxed. Only her whiskers were twitching now.I can call to check on her at any time (24/7). Hopefully, I'll be able to pick her up in the morning. I'll take the day off, if I need to.

I called Mom on the way home. Mom is out of work again because she is in A-Fib. Set off by being totally freaked that her car registration expired last Sunday. We were in Maine and I was planning on doing the bills for her again. She started without me and went into panic mode when she hit that particular bill. I tried to reassure her, but she was convinced that she'd be pulled over on the way to work and have her car towed and arrested since it'a a felony to drive unregistered in Massachusetts. I got online that night at home and processed the registration. The paper print out was little comfort to her since it wasn't a confirmation of registration. That Monday, she was convinced that every car was occupied by a police officer on her way home. She felt better when e-mail revealed a confirmation she could carry with her as proof of registration. She went into A-Fib Tuesday morning. She can't handle that kind of stress. I tried joking with her "Jeez -imagine if you did something really wrong!" She see's the cardiologist tomorrow to find out if she will be cardioverted again. It's my fault, I slacked off on going there and taking care of the bills.

My grief is nothing, compared to hers. I need to make sure I take better care of my Mother. I won't survive losing her too and, I need to be there for her.

The well is running dry here. If anything else happens, I just might fold like a house of cards.
I'm not looking for sympathy here. I've been extremely lax in posting, now you know why. I've read the very kind comments, I just haven't had the time, or frame of mind to respond, or post more frequently. At times, I feel as though I'm losing my mind, other times, getting through the day is all I can manage.

I start a "Loss of a Parent" support group Thursday. This new world without my Daddy completely sucks. I don't imagine that there is any "easy" or "good" way to deal with the loss of a parent. Devastating is an understatement.

In the stillness of remembering what you had...

I had a dream about my Dad this morning. The first time since he died. It was odd and disturbing.
It went like this:

I answered a ringing phone and my Dad was on the line.
"They made a mistake, I'm not dead" he said.
"I don't understand" I replied "What, are you in some kind of coma?"

Then the goddamn radio alarm went off and I woke up. I slammed the snooze button and tried to get back to the dream. Instead I became a secret observer, eavesdropping at the vets office. (This might have had something to do with Dusty licking my arm and sticking her whiskers in my face while I was sleeping).

I see the Vet speaking with his assistant as they are preparing my bill.
The assistant says "Oh, I understand, just keep zapping it until it hit's $400."

My alarm went off again and I staggered to the bathroom without even really opening my eyes.
As I was getting in the shower I smelled my Dad, ever so briefly.... but it was his scent none-the-less.

Strange Days indeed.

If Only

My eldest nephew, Shane, is seven.
He was driving by a cemetery with his father.

"Is that where Grampa is?"

"No, Grampa is in another cemetery, in Wilmington."

"Can't we go dig him up and take him to the hospital?"




If only....

The First of the Lasts

Today is the last first day of school my son will ever have.

12 years ago I put him on the Kindergarten bus for the first time.

I cried, so did my Dad, because he made sure he was there to see his Grandson get on the bus for the first time.

I wish I could call him up and share that with him.

The Hierarchy

As with any animal pack, there is a hierarchy. Mine is no acception. Even though I make jokes about princesses and diva's, there are grains of truth in those titles. Though the following post may sound like a soap opera, I assure you - it's true. Anyone that has ever been owned by more than one pet will relate.

Let me start with one item of note - Dusty is a female. Yes, the vet mis-sexed her. When I first found her and looked - I thought female. The vet said male. When we were in Maine on vacation, I held Dusty, belly up, to my Mom and asked "Do you see a penis or a lil vajayjay?" She thought as I did. There were no lil hidden testacles. Doesn't give me a lot of confidence in my new vet. Son just chimed in with "Another girl?" He lives in a home of 5 females, he's a bit outnumbered.

I am the Pack Leader of this crew. Everyone knows I am the Alpha Female, or The Boss, everyone except my 17 year old son. That's OK though, he's the fledgling male of this bunch. He's about to leave the nest. Unless he changes his attitude, he's going to be pushed from this nest, fledged or not.

Now, onto the pack standing.

I consider Cuddles the Queen Mum. She's been around the longest, she's either 20 or 21 - we're not certain. My Bro found her in a dumpster in his Jr. year of highschool, that's also the year he repeated. Hence the confusion. She has no real power. She is old. She just wants to live out her days in peace and comfort. She's earned it.

Tabitha is the princess. She's spoiled and feels she deserves all the attention. She self righteously feels that she is the only one qualified to torment the Queen Mum. Tabitha has begrudgingly allowed Julieta to remain, only because Julieta obeys her commands and stays out of her way.

All has been quiet and harmonious in our little kingdom until, Dusty.

Dusty is a usurper. Dusty has upset the delicate balance of things. Dusty doesn't give a shit about a hierarchy. Dusty is here to party, and wreak havoc. Dusty takes great delight in tormenting the Princess, she's the only one that fights back.

The Queen Mum made her position known from the beginning. Pretty much a "Don't Fuck with ME" stance. I like her style, lay down the rules from the beginning. Dusty got the message. Other than running back and forth from the bedroom and leaping over the Queen Mum in the hallway, just brushing her fur, Dusty basically leaves her alone. It's actually pretty funny to watch. Poor old Cuddles is hard of hearing and doesn't hear Dusty coming. By the time Cuddles hisses, Dusty is in the living room, only to repeat the process while heading towards my bedroom.

Julieta was heartbroken and insulted by the hostile reception she received from the new addition. She hung her head with rejection and retreated to her den. Dusty realized that Julieta wasn't going to eat her and has since decided that Julieta's tail is a most interesting prey - as long as the big threat; the teeth, are facing the other way. Dusty even became so brazen as to attack Julieta's tail when she was laying on the couch. Julieta wasn't in the mood for the sharp claws and made her feelings known by a growl and jab. Dusty's response was to turn her back against the couch (if I can't see the dog - she can't see me) and continue her assault. I was proud of her for setting some limits with a second, firmer, vocal admonition. There was nothing predatory in her action, just a "back off, bitch" message. Julieta has even expressed some playful interest by approaching Dusty with a wagging tail and playful stance. I've seen her attempt this with the other felines, rejection was all she got, and she immediately backed off. Dusty still isn't sure of Julieta's intentions and responds by becoming a Halloween cat. Kind of a joke at her size, even when turned sideways with a fluffy tail. I have a feeling this will change in the future. Being the two with the least seniority in the pack, I have a feeling they will become the best of friends.

Tabitha, on the other hand, had a "hissy" fit when Dusty arrived. Tabitha would hiss and run away. It took her a few days before she came out of the bedroom. Bad move on her part, gave up her power.

Dusty has become the Court Jester. Or, as my son referred to her this morning, "The Blue Collar Comedy Tour". She takes great pleasure in tormenting Tabitha on her thrown (the back of the recliner - the "highest" position in the living room). The taunts range from simple jumping and touching to all out pounces during naps.

Yes, the fur has flown.

Cat fights sound much worse than they actually are. Tabitha, being part Siamese, is especially vocal. The fights are, at times, so loud as to draw my son away from his video game. He appears from his room, eyes wide, wondering if he will find blood spatter on the walls. He's amazed at the ferocious sounding encounters.

I've only found the need to intervene with Dusty's behavior on a few occasions. Any interest in my bird (or Mom's Cockatiel when on vacation), has been met with a couple quick streams from a water spray bottle. I once found her hanging from the side of the bakers rack I have my birdcage on. Bird squawks alerted me. I always have the spray bottle handy and nailed her twice. She hasn't seemed to bother Galileo since, although, I don't know what happens when I am not at home. In Maine, after the first squirt - just the sound would cause "kitty burn out" ( the art of tearing up the floor trying to gain traction from back feet moving so fast). On vacation, Dusty spent her nights in a bedroom with me and Julieta. Julieta had one of two twin beds in the room. The second night, I had to put Dusty in her carrier because she wouldn't settle down. After that, she would go into purr mode and knew it was time to sleep. When we returned from vacation, I had to put Dusty in her carrier at 11:30 PM on the first night because she wouldn't stop harrassing the other felines. She spent the night there, on the bed with me. The next night, when the same behavior ensued, I put her in the bathroom with a litter box. Since then, she knows that when I go to bed - playtime is over. She's a smart kitty. There are going to be problems though, until Tabitha asserts herself.

I never thought of Tabitha as insecure, until now. She seeks more attention and affection to be assured of her position, which I lovingly give. She needs to get over the jealousy and assert her position as Queen. I'm sure she will reach her limit at some point and lay down a beating.

Until then, I'm enjoying the antics of the Court Jester.

Not Guilty

Google the words "no such thing as a coincidence" and see what you come up with. What follows falls into that category.

Not 5 minutes after I hit "publish" on my last blog my work phone rang. The caller ID came up as Bob & Ginny's number. I picked up the phone and said "You just read my blog, didn't you?" Bob chuckled but didn't give an answer one way or the other. He asked about my Dad's truck (still parked in front of the house) and we made arrangements for him picking it up, cleaning it out and selling it. The truck was part of the company Bob and my Dad started so many years ago.

My Mom and I have mixed emotions about the truck. It's a familiar and comforting fixture, parked in front of the house. It's also a dam breaking torrent of emotion, when you pull onto the street and for a nanosecond think "Daddy's home". It hasn't happened very often for me, but it's overwhelming when it does. Neither me, or my Mom currently have the mental capacity to sell it. I'm grateful that Bob and his son, Dan are taking care of it.

We arranged to meet at the house after I got out of work. I would try and track down the title and spare keys.

I told Bob that Mom and I had spoken about how guilty we've felt for not being in touch, about how I've missed talking to him and how hard a time I've been having. Bob expressed the same feelings. We chatted a bit more and said our goodbye's.

Not 5 minutes later, the phone rang again with Bob's number. He told me how he got off the phone, and spoke to his wife about what I had said when I answered the phone. Ginny then got online and read my blog.

"How weird is that?" I said.
"I know! I was wondering why you answered the phone like that". Bob responded.

I'm glad Bob picked up the phone and called me. We were both feeling the same way. We both needed that re-connection. I felt the warm fuzzies after I wiped my tears away.

The Force was strong that day.

Still have doubts?

I spent at least 45 minutes going through files and folders that afternoon looking for the truck title. I had found all the sets of keys and remote door doohickeys for it. I started going through the various compartments in the truck.

Where do you think I found the title?

In the glove box.

It was very odd to find it there. My Dad knew that the title should be kept someplace safe, certainly not in the glove box. Way too convenient for a thief. he Title for Moms car was found in a hanging file folder in Dad's Den/Office.

I was on the phone with Ginny, when Bob & Dan arrived to pick up the truck.

I received one of the most needed, and best hugs ever, when I went out to greet them.

There was something beyond human awareness at work that day.

The Universe?

The Force?

God?

A Higher Power?

My Dad?

Whatever it was...it was more than coincidence.