Today marks 3 years since I lost my Dad. In some ways I am still so lost. In other ways life has forced me to move forward, at times, kicking and screaming. My lack of blogging is just another symptom of my grief. I don't have the words or the desire to write the words. It's a slow process, creating a new life without a loved one in it. There is no timetable or schedule to follow. Each person recovers and adapts at their own pace. The emptiness and loss does not lessen with time. We just build up a tolerance for it.
My intention is to Blog more often, not just pictures and quips but actual blogs. I think writing will help me on my path back to truly living instead of existing and enduring each day. I'm going to try. I know he would want me too. Just be patient with me. I do still check your blogs even if I don't comment, I stop by to visit.
I know there are things that I've done that he's disappointed in and others he is proud of or at least he would be if he was still here. I know that he has moved beyond such petty things as pride and disappointment-where he is, there is only love, no judgement. I know he sends me signs that he is still watching over me and although I want so much more, it will have to do.
I love you Daddy with all my heart and I miss you every single day of my life. Please continue to guide me and let me know you're around. Some days that's all that keeps me going.
6 comments:
My God. I can't believe it's been three years. Time keeps on ticking eh?
Neither can I, of course losing two years in a fog of grief makes it seem like yesterday.
It will be four years in December that I lost my mom and 3 years in December that I lost my younger sister. I live my life like you...in a fog. Your post really moved me and I just want you to know that unfortunatly, you are not alone. Hugs to you.
Leah - my heart goes out to you. It really sucks being in the club.
It has been a while since I stopped by, but that doesn't mean that I stopped thinking about you. I cannot believe it's been three years.
I am glad that your Dad is still looking over your shoulder. I wish you strength to get through another day and then another after that. Most of all, I wish you happy times and a smile here and there to light your heart.
It's 3.45 a.m. and I just happened upon your blog and read this post. I lost my dad July 5 2006 and still feel as lost as you do. I have 2 kids, 14 and 11 and a husband thats deployed. Life goes on but I feel sometimes like I'm on the outside looking in and observing life going by. Be strong. its no fun being in this club.
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