I am alone for the weekend. At last. I haven't posted much lately because I just haven't had the energy. I am slowly having my lifeforce sucked from me by a hormonal teenager.
Oh sure, they start out all helpless and cute. Then they figure out exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want. The CIA should start reciting them at this age. They ply you with the puppy dog eyes and when they don't get their way they whip out their secret weapon. The Temper Tantrum. Whether you are hell bent on world domination or just trying to get the grocery shopping done, a temper tantrum can bring you to your knees in an instant.
Eventually they outgrow this and things fall into a comfortable routine for a few years. Any minor bumps along the way are easily resolved. Mom & Dad still hold the answers for everything, they can make all that is wrong right again. It may seem as though these innocent souls are busy learning and discovering new things. It may seem they are on the right path. It may seem that they still look at you with those adoring eyes. Dad is their Superhero, Mom is the rest of their world.
DO NOT BE FOOLED.
This is nothing more than a ploy to lull you into complacency. They are only waiting for the hormones to kick in to execute the evil plan they have been devising. Once puberty hits, you will realize you have been setup.
Once the center of their world, you now become the bane of their existence. You may have felt like The Oracle, but you have suddenly become the stupidest person on the planet. Once they move into their Sophomore year of Highschool they have surpassed your limited knowledge. Your logic and reason are not applicable in their world any longer. Your purpose in life has suddenly become nothing more than a barrier to their greatness. You're "ruining" their lives. You never want them to have any fun or be happy, and if their not happy, there is no way in hell you will be.
They are above the menial labor of cleaning their room or taking out the trash. Why should they pick the towel up off the floor if they are only going to use it again for their second or third shower of the day? The floor is much more convenient for dirty clothes, putting them in the hamper is much too exhausting. Why should the bed be made up only to sleep in it 12 hours later? The sink is much closer for dirty dishes than the empty dishwasher. Wearing 3 outfits a day is why we have washing machines! You have become nothing more than a tyrant that uses them as your personal slave.
This is the point when you realize that your once perfect child has been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with a lifesucking vampire clone.
I tried using a bunch of really cool links to enhance this post. Alas, I must have done something wrong and none of them worked. I'll have to work on figuring out what I did wrong and attempt it again.