Sunday, May 24, 2009

To Kill a Mockingbird

I have, in my neighborhood, a mockingbird. He is either in love. or looking for love.

The Son-of-a-Bitch never stops.


Remember that Lionel Ritchie song, All Night Long?

Yea, it's like that.

We don't need no stinkin' full moon. A porch light will do.

I haven't put the A/C in yet, so the windows have been open at night.

I am an animal lover, you all know this. I have an English Budgie in residence. I love birds. "D" is amazed at my useless knowledge of pointing out different species and knowing mating habits.

I'm rather pacifistic at heart, unless you threaten those I love, you can go your merry way.

But this sleep deprivation terrorist has to go down.

Someone please tell me, why don't birds ever get hoarse?

If a human ever carried on like this fucker, they'd have laryngitis for a month.

He is the Energizer Bunny of birdom.....and I want him dead.

I'm not talking distant calling here. He bounces between three houses. All within 100 feet of mine.

I've always been against having a gun in my home....until now.

I'd like nothing more than to have a Dumb and Dumber version of this feathered friend duct taped to the top of the telephone pole (10 points to those that get the reference).

I pray that he either gets laid or stops bragging about getting laid before I go totally postal on his ass.


KFarmer said...

That bird species is well known in my yard. I have "Fat Bob" who sings every morning, all day long and probably into the night (but I can't hear him as he hangs on the back porch).

Good luck with the "relocation" process :) those rascals are full of beanie weenies... :)

Roxrocks said...

Oh my god! We had a bird a couple of springs ago that had taken residence in the trees in front of our house. That sonofabitch squawked morning noon and night for an eternity! It had a nest full of equally squawky babies! I feel your pain!

Get yourself some earplugs. The little orange ones that are shaped like marshmallows.

Ericka said...

did you watch 'newhart?' there was an episode where the b*tchy little maid throws a slipper out her window at an annoying chirpster and ends up killing it. then it turns out to be some endangered song bird and everyone goes on a hunt to figure out who hurt it.

probably if you did it in, you'd not be trapped in sitcom hell, but is it really worth the chance? ;-)

Anonymous said...

We have two in our yard. They gang up on our cat, Gaby. Wish I could think of something to do. She can't roam the yard in peace,
poor thing.