Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Yes, we passed the 365 day mark on Sunday.

We had a Mass at 8AM and folks back to Mom's house afterwards. I made an egg & meat casserole and the easiest French toast casserole that everyone loved. I used Peppridge Farm cinnamon swirl bread)
Here's the recipe:

French Toast Casserole
Makes: 8 servings Total Time: 2 hr 5 min
* 1 loaf (16 ounces) Cinnamon swirl bread, any variety, cut into cubes (about 8 cups)
* 6 eggs
* 1 cup of dried cranberries or raisins
* 3 cups fat free half and half
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
* Confectioners' sugar

1. In greased 3-quart shallow baking dish arrange bread cubes. Mix eggs, milk, and vanilla. Pour over bread. Cover and refrigerate 1 hour or overnight.

2. Uncover. Bake at 350 for 50 minutes or until golden. Sprinkle with confectioners' sugar. Serve with pancake syrup if desired.
This quick-to-assemble breakfast casserole can be refrigerated overnight for a special morning treat.

There were also Coffee & bagels and donuts and good conversation.
It was nice.

It sucked.
Just the fact of having to have this gathering....
I spent the day on the couch Friday, Saturday I shopped and cooked. Sunday I left Moms a bit after noon and went home to the couch again. Yesterday, I couldn't get out of bed. I took another day and was on the couch. I went through a couple boxes of tissues over the past couple days.

When they say "It gets easier" They're lying. It never gets easier, you just learn how to hide it better. You learn to live with and tolerate the pain. The heartbreak and missing him every single Goddamn day don't get any better.

It's been a year now, and I still don't know what we're going to do without him.

I miss you Daddy, and I love you so very much.


Anonymous said...

At my MIL's funeral in January, someone told me that it doesn't get easier, ever. This stunned me because I thought it was harsh. Some time has passed and I've surfed the waves of grief a bit and I'm finding that the sadness is a constant but how I REACT to that sadness is what makes the difference. It feels good to curl up in it for awhile, but it's still important do dust ones' self off and find ways to honor our lost ones in ways that make us feel good.

It's hard though, isn't it?

Fat free half and half? WTH?! Fat free is not an option when you are making comfort food. I'm definitely going to try your french toast casserole!!

Sharfa said...

Rox - It's soooo Frakking hard!

Believe me when I say, you don't notice the fat free part. I also used egg beaters instead of whole eggs. If you've got fewer calories and fat, yet it tastes just as good - that just means you can have MORE! There is a twisted logic to my thinking.

Suldog said...

It doesn't get easier, Sharfa, but the pain gets a bit more muted with each year. If it didn't, we'd all go insane.

I guarantee you he wouldn't want you to be sad. You will be; that's natural. But still...

God bless.

Melissa said...

I third what everyone says. Missing them, wishing they were still here, being sad when you think that you won't see them again..it never goes away.

But some kind of peace sinks in there to your soul eventually. I don't know why or how, but it does. Maybe it's them telling you it will be ok, that it is not forever, and you must live every minute you have left. Maybe it's god or goddess. I don't pretend to know.

Missing them is the honor you pay them for the love they put into your life.

Wow, I miss my own Dad today. Thanks for letting me feel that through sharing it with you.

Take care,

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