Thursday, November 30, 2006

A Not So Great Birthday

Mom was admitted to the hospital Monday with heart problems. She is in A-Fib.

They are using medication to try and get her back to a normal heart rhythm. She's out of work until at least December 10th. She's in good spirits and says she's OK. This is something that could have been going on for a while before she became symptomatic. It's another wait and see situation. They want to give the meds a chance to convert her back to normal rhythm before they do an Electrical Cardioversion.

Mom got a call Monday evening from my Dad's Doc. Dad finished his 4th round of chemo and had a CT scan. There is slight growth of the tumors in his brain. Mom suspected something was going on because Dad's been having some memory issues recently.

Happy Fuckin' Birthday.

The next step with Dad is a fairly new treatment using targeted radiation to kill the cancerous brain cells.

I wish it was better news I had to share, especially since I hadn't given you all an update in a while.

My parents amaze me with their courage. They're dealing with all of this realistically and so much better than myself. The love they share glows between the two of them every time they hug - which is often.

I turn into a weepy mess every time I sit down to write at this blog - hence the lack of posts. There is a very important post that I have been putting off writing for 6 months(procrastination being a talent I come by honestly!). Perhaps, I will only write it when I am emotionally ready, which I feel I am getting close to. On the other hand, I feel like the story I want to tell is stopping up the works, so to speak. I've come to realize that until I get it out, I won't be able to move forward. I need to move forward. There is so much to tell and do, and I feel stuck by the weight of this story in my head and heart. Therefore, I'll be spending time writing this weekend and hopefully have something worth reading next week.

Now that I've been all polite and nice, I need to rant for a moment:

This is too much shit for one family to go through! No one deserves this. Dad's got cancer, Moms having heart problems, Bro is separated, heading for divorce and totally fucked up, me - I'm hanging on by an emotional thread. It's not right, it's not fair! My parents have worked too long and hard to be totally fucked over just when they should be chillin and enjoying all those years of sacrifice and hard work. I really wonder what the entire point of living is, if these are the rewards for doing the right thing. Oh and can I say how much I am looking forward to Chrismas this year.....right, NOT.

End of rant.

To steal a line from Chunks:
I must be dropping an egg and that's why I'm so emotional.


James Cooper said...

One of the aspects of my personality that drives my girlfriend crazy sometimes is that I tend to take a rather simple and non-spiritual view of the world. When things like disease happen it's not because the person deserved it but due to myriad factors including simple probability. In that respect I minimalize the problem and focus on the people affected and the way with which they deal with and work through it all.

In the case of your parents and you yourself I find inspiration. The bond that exists between all of you, the love that is shared and the strength that is derived from it, is just amazing. This is a great trial, this is undeserved adversity of tremendous degree, but rather than give up or allow themselves to succumb to despair, your family is fighting on and holding fast to each other.

I know it isn't easy, I know it can be heartbreaking, but I want you to know that it's people like you and your parents who help me fight through whatever challenges I find myself facing. For whatever it's worth, thank you. Whenever you need to share something I'll be right here.

Sharfa said...

Just wow.
Thank you James.
I'm blown away again....

Suldog said...


All any of us can do is live in the moment. You're letting out some anger and that's good for your psyche.

Now, take every chance you can to hug the people you love and to tell them that you love them. And to let them hug you and tell you that they love you. Not only is it a pleasant way to pass the time, it's highly therapuetic - both now and for the future.

My prayers, as usual.

Ericka said...

i'm sorry things are rough right now. :-(

izchan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
izchan said...

*hugs* ... I am sorry to hear this but you know that your friends are around. We take what we can to make ourselves stronger just so that the people that we care can go on longer.

*hugs so more* ... rant ... its good for the soul.

Chunks said...

Wow, I have been dealing with my own pile o'crap and haven't been here for a while and then I stop by and it seems like we are living a parallel life or something.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom and your dad and their recent health issues. Try to enjoy and treasure the time you have with them. (I know you will anyway but try hard to stay 'in the moment') This is the worst time of the year to try to stay rational, I blame to damn Christmas music, but try to keep your chin up, at least while everyone is watching.

You can use that drop an egg line every month if you need it. I think I stole it from JT. Peace, sister. (Oh man, that sounded kind of hippy-ish. So did this!)

Sharfa said...

Thank you so much everyone!