A Not So Great Birthday

Mom was admitted to the hospital Monday with heart problems. She is in A-Fib.

They are using medication to try and get her back to a normal heart rhythm. She's out of work until at least December 10th. She's in good spirits and says she's OK. This is something that could have been going on for a while before she became symptomatic. It's another wait and see situation. They want to give the meds a chance to convert her back to normal rhythm before they do an Electrical Cardioversion.

Mom got a call Monday evening from my Dad's Doc. Dad finished his 4th round of chemo and had a CT scan. There is slight growth of the tumors in his brain. Mom suspected something was going on because Dad's been having some memory issues recently.

Happy Fuckin' Birthday.

The next step with Dad is a fairly new treatment using targeted radiation to kill the cancerous brain cells.

I wish it was better news I had to share, especially since I hadn't given you all an update in a while.

My parents amaze me with their courage. They're dealing with all of this realistically and so much better than myself. The love they share glows between the two of them every time they hug - which is often.

I turn into a weepy mess every time I sit down to write at this blog - hence the lack of posts. There is a very important post that I have been putting off writing for 6 months(procrastination being a talent I come by honestly!). Perhaps, I will only write it when I am emotionally ready, which I feel I am getting close to. On the other hand, I feel like the story I want to tell is stopping up the works, so to speak. I've come to realize that until I get it out, I won't be able to move forward. I need to move forward. There is so much to tell and do, and I feel stuck by the weight of this story in my head and heart. Therefore, I'll be spending time writing this weekend and hopefully have something worth reading next week.

Now that I've been all polite and nice, I need to rant for a moment:

This is too much shit for one family to go through! No one deserves this. Dad's got cancer, Moms having heart problems, Bro is separated, heading for divorce and totally fucked up, me - I'm hanging on by an emotional thread. It's not right, it's not fair! My parents have worked too long and hard to be totally fucked over just when they should be chillin and enjoying all those years of sacrifice and hard work. I really wonder what the entire point of living is, if these are the rewards for doing the right thing. Oh and can I say how much I am looking forward to Chrismas this year.....right, NOT.

End of rant.

To steal a line from Chunks:
I must be dropping an egg and that's why I'm so emotional.

Happy Birthday Daddy

Today is my Dad's 61st birthday.

We celebrated over the weekend and I actually gave him his present on Thanksgiving. Mom & Dad were going away over the weekend and, who can't use some reading material when relaxing? Mom snatched up Marley and Me first, so Dad was left with Nora Roberts.

Happy Birthday on the actual day, Daddy. May it be a good day, and I'm praying with all my heart for many, many more birthdays that we can celebrate. Love you!

Dog Breath

It's not easy to sleep when you have a panicked, panting, trembling and whimpering Greyhound 6 inches from your face.

So it was at 2:30 AM this morning. It's been so unseasonably warm here that we had a thunderstorm last night. It took her about an hour to settle down and go back to sleep.

At least she's getting better about them & my new curtains are still in one piece.

Bestest Friends

What's the matter?

Nothing.

I hear that sound in your voice, whats going on?

Gawd, I hate you! (laughs) How do you do that?

I can see right through you!(laughing)

I know, and I hate you for it! Can't hide anything from you.

I can hear it, you're just going through the motions, doing what you have to to get by. Ya gotta snap out of it girl!

Yea, you're right.



My bestest friend D knows me too well.