Friday, January 20, 2006

Denial ain't a river in Egypt

I had an eye exam last night. It's been a couple years and I needed a new prescription to order replacement contact lenses. Lately, I've noticed that I see better up close without my glasses on. It's a fact I've tried to ignore and not consciously admit. I've pretended not to notice. I've tried to forget it (Where is that selective memory loss when you need it?). I've poo-pooed it. I've tried to convince myself that maybe my eyesight has just improved.

It hasn't worked.

That naggy voice inside my head just won't shut up. She keeps taunting me. You're getting old lady! Your eyes are showing your age! Go away. The eyes are the first thing to go, just you wait. You'll see. Next, you'll start feeling aching in your joints. Arthritis will kick in. Shut up! You're gonna get all wrinkly and OLD. Yea? Bite me, bitch.

After all the "put your chin here so I can shine a bright light in your eye to blind you" business, he broke the news gently. My distance vision hasn't really changed, but, my up close vision has.

I could hear that witch chuckling. He's gonna say it.Shhh! You're gonna look like an old woman. You know, like the ones at the senior center with the glasses hanging on beaded chains resting on their sagging breasts. QUIET YOU! Or, you'll have that hideous line right in the middle of the lenses that shouts OLD! Stifle yourself!

The Docs voice came back into focus just in time to hear that word.


She roared. I cringed.

The optimist in me came out. It really isn't all that bad. I could get bifocals, but it's not a necessity...Yet. Glasses have come a long way, and you can get bifocals with no line or a practically invisible line. Even if I got them, the reading portion of them would be like window glass - no prescription. Chew on that, whench. I could just continue what I have been doing and remove my glasses when I need to see up close. I can get the lowest power reading glasses at the drugstore for when I am wearing contacts. Eventually, I will have to get bifocals. But, not today.

I had the last laugh. She, had nothing more to say.

We then proceeded on to the second portion of the exam, where he dilated my pupils and put the yellow dye in. Everything checked out fine.

I tried to pick out new frames but couldn't focus well enough to choose. The ride home was a trip. It was dark by the time I left. Lights looked like kaleidoscopic starbursts. Bright headlights hurt, and practically blinded me. It took concentrating on the road directly in front of me to get home.

I was starting to feel pretty crappy by the time I got there. Sore throat, stuffy head. I'm home sick today. Great. I get sick just in time for the weekend.

For the moment, I've postponed one of the many inevitable betrayals my body will make as time goes by. I'll take it.


Rurality said...

I feel your pain. Really.

I used to have the delusion that when I started going far-sighted that it would actually correct my near-sightedness. Har-dee-har-har.

(I've got the glasses with no line and they really do work great.)

Joseph K said...

I need an eye check up, and one of my eyes has been acting weird. I am not encouraged, but it is what it is. There are some hip bifocals you can get...

Magazine Man said...

My doctor actually said the word "tri-focals" to me on my last visit. Haven't been back since. He makes me old.

What DO trifocals do anyway? I imagine they turn everyone into 3-D style monsters, leaping out at me from every direction.

Which actually might be kinda cool...

KFarmer said...

Wednesday night when I was driving home from work, I realized I could not see. It was raining and everything was a big fat blur. I looked up in time to see the power pole and stopped- I had ran off the road and into an intersection. It took me an hour and 1/2 to get home and by the time I got there I was seeing monsters (I thought my wind shield wiper was a spider leg and the body was sitting on the roof of my car). Needless to say, the first thing I wanted when I got home was a beer.

Go get your glasses (after you have had some chicken soup). Please. Ok-breaking out the big guns on this one-Pretty please w/sugar on top :)

PS- and yes, I no longer drive in the rain. Looks like I am going to be late for work this morning-boo hoo.

Sharfa said...

Thanks everyone - now I don't feel so bad.

JosephK - get the to an optometrist.

MM - Why am I not surprised? Trifocals, and you're younger than I. It must be the result of all that work you do, reading and writing (so much more than the rest of us). That, or maybe compounded head injuries.

KFarmer - Holy Crap girl! Your ride sounds a lot scarier than mine! MY distance vision hasn't changed, so I am ok with the prescription I have. Really. I either have my glasses on or contacts in when driving. I'm no fan of driving in the rain at night either, even if you had 20/20 vision it's still tough.