Monday, October 17, 2005

Food for thought

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... One you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

Most of this is freakishly true, cept for the part where it says: "you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered" Neva been that way, neva will. Maybe that's part of my problem. One thing is for certain though - once you hit your 40's, (man, the sound of that really fucking sucks. I am not that old!) your tolerance for insecurity is much lower.

Basically, it boils down to: Be good to me. I will be good to you. I will not screw you over. I want what I want. This is what I want. If you cannot deal with that, or you choose to screw me over, then bubye.

It actually took me 35 years to get up off the floor and truly learn that concept.

Human beings have been practicing this relationship thing for many thousands of years now. I want to know why we aren't better at it. Why do we still tolerate abuse & mistreatment? (I am guilty of it). Why haven't we written down the rights and wrongs of relationships? Why is it just the three "r's" and not the four: reading, writing, rythmatic & relationships?

Why is the formula for the theory of relativity more important than; the formula for raising a child to adulthood successfully or the formula for having a happy, fulfilling life & marriage?

And, why the hell don't children come with directions???

Friday, October 07, 2005

Territory Wars

I called to the cat howling in the kitchen window. There must have been an intruder in the yard she was warning off. She ran down the hall and leapt on the bed with a "reeeeoow!"

This caused Julietta to bolt upright and trot down the hall to the living room rug. I turned on the nightstand light only to be greeted by a "RUFF!" The first time she had barked since moving in with us. It was an assertive, insistent bark.

I walked down the hall to see what that was all about. She looked up at me with eyes that said "Get that thing out of our den or I'm sleeping on the couch!". It wasn't until she sniffed the entire bedroom and was convinced the unwelcome feline was gone that she settled into her crate.

Next I'll be hearing "Maaaawm! She's touching me. Am not. Yes you are! I'm not touchiiing you......"

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Stealth Tactics

Julietta is settling in nicely and I think the pussies have resigned themselves to the fact she's staying. Neither of the cats had set foot in my bedroom where Julietta's crate is since she arrived. Until last night.

I had just climbed into bed and turned out the lights. I opened my eyes to see a silhouetted black cat slinking across the nightstand. I heard her purr as she rubbed against my cheek. She stayed for a few minutes of scratching but then retreated to the safety of the living room, after all, "that thing" was in here.

This is fine for now - it's still warm out. Warm enough to leave the windows open every night. Unseasonably warm. That will change though. We will see how long it takes before the call of body heat becomes stronger than ego.

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Patch

Trying again

Friday night I had my last cigarette. Saturday morning I woke up sick as a dog with a bad cold. Either someone up there is trying to help me, or has a twisted sense of humor. Using a nicotine patch definitely helps with the cravings. Plus - you have very vivid, intense dreams.

Last night for instance - I dreamt that I found out my son was buying drugs from hearing him talk in his sleep. Oh, and paranoid Mama ain't going through his drawers later? I realize it's been on my mind lately - he's at that age. I watch him closely when he returns from hanging with friends. The subconscious mind is an amazing thing, especially when nicotine powered!

Saturday, October 01, 2005


Julietta is settling in quite nicely. Her appetite has picked up. The cats have settled down and just glare at the beast that had invaded their home. Julietta still tries to be friendly, getting closer each time before being hissed at. She actually got close enough to touch Tabitha, who reared up on her hind legs and batted at her nose. Julietta thought this was a cue to play and immediately dropped into a play stance with butt high in the air, ears up and front legs down. Tabitha gave a Screw you! I am not playing! hiss, and that was the end of that.

Wednesday, I left to pick my son up from the bus stop. I was gone for 15 minutes. I left her loose in the house. Upon our return all we could hear was a mournful wailing and crying emanating from the house. She doesn't like being separated from her people. Going to work Friday would be tough.

Bedtime is going much smoother now. Her first night she cried for 45 minutes in her crate. I had to reverse position on my bed and left my hand hanging through the crate bars. Now, she will lay in my bedroom doorway, waiting for me to go to bed.

We left the house at 6:15 AM Friday. Julietta was in her crate. I was already feeling pangs of guilt for leaving her. I had planned on leaving work early, only doing a partial day, but I got hung up in a two and a half hour meeting with my boss. I didn't get home until 1:45.

I heard meek winces from my bedroom when I entered the house. I immediately went to her and was very surprised by what I had found. The king sized sheet and bedspread that I had left on top of the crate had been pulled in through the bars and torn to shreds. Ouch. She was supremely pissed at being left alone. Guilt overflowed. I can only imagine what she went through. She must have cried and wailed and thought we had abandoned her. The bedding was soaked with saliva and sweat (greyhounds do sweat). She was pleased to see me and I did my best to reassure her. We immediately went for a walk, for the first time she was pulling on her lease to get to her toilet. She peed and pooped and felt relieved enough to finally dance a jig of joy and express how happy she was that I was home. Poor thing must have been so uncomfortable. We started back home and she peed & pooped again!

For the next hour I couldn't turn around without her being right behind me. If she could have climbed into my back pocket, she would have. We both went to pick up her boy from the bus stop. She collapsed on her living room bed once we were home. I think she was emotionally exhausted. We both spent a lot of time brushing and scratching her last night. I was almost ready to start calling her Thumper for all the spots we hit that caused her legs to start going involuntarily. She reluctantly went into her crate for bed.

My plan is to leave her for short periods today and longer periods tomorrow. Greyhounds can develop separation anxiety and I want her to know that we will always be back and will not abandon her.

The love that has developed so quickly in my heart for this gentle soul has filled a void as only a dog can. When her intelligent brown eyes look into mine, all the annoyances of the day melt away. To watch her toss her stuffed mouse high in the air and play like a puppy is a hoot. She actually rolled on her back and was kicking her long legs high in the air. Surprising behavior from a 5 year old dog. This was one of the best decisions I've ever made.