Friday, June 17, 2005


First off, my apologies for not posting in a while. I've been busy. Doing what? I'll share that over the next couple days.

I was going to do a second post about installing the fridge and moving the cabinet with my son. I will forego the gritty details and say that we bickered like an old married couple doing home renovation. We finally did get the cabinet moved and the fridge in, after a few heated exchanges. It may not have been a smooth process, but we got it done.

It feels good to purchase a quality appliance. I've only had to do it one other time - with the ex, when we bought a fridge, but that wasn't like this. Any other appliance, washer & dryer, dishwasher and car for that matter, I had received as gifts. I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful and giving family. They take care of me. And I've carried a lot of guilt because of that.

Don't get me wrong - I'm very very grateful, but I also feel embarrassed that I received those items because I couldn't afford to buy them myself. I'm a single parent adult, I should be able to support myself and my son on my own. This is tough for me to admit. I'm a proud person that does not like to ask for help. That pride got me into a lot of trouble that has taken me a long time to get out of. That's a long story. One I may post about sometime, but not today.

That being said, it was an extra sweetly satisfying moment to personally purchase and install a brand new side by side refrigerator and, I got a great deal to boot! It's difficult to describe my feelings: satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, giddiness, independence and yes, even a sense of pride.

Picture it:
I open the doors to this pristine, white, energy efficient icebox. The light shines on my smiling face, and I hear the Angels singing.

Isn't it funny that buying a new refrigerator might be nothing more than a pain in the butt necessity to one person and a joyous accomplishment to another?

I guess it's all a matter of perspective.


izchan said...

Pride ... always gets the better of me.

Its ok for me to give to others, but it is very hard for me to take from others.

its ego and its stupid.
But that's what I am made of.
I can only be myself.

Batonga said...

I have also been lucky to have a family that gives big gifts when I have needed them. My perspective is that, without those items, such as a car, I can do and go without, because I have done so before. But I was given a gift that adds to the convience for my life and a gift that is a privelage. So it kind of helps ease the guilt, by not thinking of the gifts as a necessity that I needed... this is not to say, my truck always stay cleans and pretty, just in case a certain someone was to wonder how I was keeping up his gift.