Thank you again for all your kind words and encouragement.
To answer a couple questions from yesterday's comments:
I've collected 20 PICS so far. I need to get on a couple people (Hello, Rivers family!?!) to send me theirs and I need to start putting it together!
Dad had a follow up CT a couple weeks back. Everything is shrinking. The tumor in his lung has shrunk by 1/3. It's good news - but I want more, I think we all do.
I have heard that I am not alone in the feeling overwhelmed department. Check out my weekly Tarot reading below, I sometimes think this guy has line directly to my head. His readings are accurate - week after week:
We'll again pull two cards -- the first suggests something we should focus on for the week. The second suggests things we might consider in order to fully benefit from the attributes of the first card.
The cards are:
Two of Pentacles (reversed)
Ace of Pentacles
Note that we have two cards of the same suit. Pentacles usually refer to physical or fiscal matters -- so we'll keep this in mind as we talk about the cards.
The Two of Pentacles refers to complex times. I like to say it's like when the phone rings -- and the doorbell also goes off and the teakettle starts whistling and the dogs see someone in the back yard and start barking and the kids are yelling and ... well, you get the idea. Times when feel you're pulled in many directions -- or you may feel like you're a juggling act and someone keeps adding more and more juggling balls to the mix. You're trying so hard to handle many different conflicting items that something is sure to get short changed. The reversal really amplifies this message -- we should consider matters where we're juggling many related matters while trying to deal with one main issue. Again, the double Pentacles strongly suggest fiscal or physical issues.
UM...I feel like I'm on Candid Camera, that or this guy reads my blog!
The Ace of Pentacles suggests trying a new approach. Sometimes the way to overcome a obstacle is to address and resolve each issue in turn. Sometimes, the best way to overcome an obstacle is to scrap the old approach and begin again, trying a completely new approach. Let's consider if we may have some physical issue -- maybe trying to lose weight, or get blood sugar under control, or simply getting into better physical condition. We may find that we keep coming up with all kinds of reasons why we can't quite address the matter today. Perhaps we're going about things the wrong way -- perhaps we'd be better served by re-evaluating our goal and how we can attain it. A new approach may be more successful.
Same thing with fiscal issues -- outstanding debts, overloaded credit cards, or bummer jobs, for instance. You may feel like you're running in place. No matter how you address the obstacle, next month you're basically in the same position. Again, the Ace of Pentacles suggests considering a new approach may be worthwhile.
Note that sometimes just thinking about creative or new ways to address a situation results in you being better able to resolve the situation in the old way! Maybe seeing different options makes it seem less hopeless -- and it's always easier to operate effectively when you don't feel trapped!
And that's about it this week; I look forward to seeing you again next week. As always, if you're interested in a private reading, please try my sponsors above or my list of readers at http://www.woodsongtarot.com/readers.html . I also welcome your comments at http://woodsongtarot.blogspot.com !
Woodsong -- visit Tarot by Woodsong at http://www.woodsongtarot.com
Looks like it's time to try a different approach, after all, it's in the stars.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Empty the Cache
Dad called called this morning. He said everyone's asking why I haven't blogged. I haven't been around to see them much either.
Truth is, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed at work. My son and I have slipped in to a pretty good routine since his return (which needs it's own post). I fell behind at work with vacation/time off and now have a bunch of deadlines that need attending. I've got a court date coming up the 29th with the ex which needs to be looked at. He decided he wants to give up custody and never see his son again. I haven't been on top of my financials at home, things are late.
I'm walking around with a sick feeling in my stomach all the time, not knowing what to attend to first. I feel like a chicken running around with it's head cut off. Which gets kinda depressing, and when I get depressed I do nothing. Great way to get back on top of things, no? Being overwhelmed with a frosting of guilt really bites.
I need about 80 hours to get caught up at work. I need to just sit down and do what needs to be done at home. My wonderful boss might be hooking me up with a pro bono lawyer to take care of the ex.
I haven't forgotten you, my dear blog. I need to take care of a few priorities so I have the free brain space to write. Right now, there's too much in my head. Need to empty the cache, so to speak.
Truth is, I'm feeling rather overwhelmed at work. My son and I have slipped in to a pretty good routine since his return (which needs it's own post). I fell behind at work with vacation/time off and now have a bunch of deadlines that need attending. I've got a court date coming up the 29th with the ex which needs to be looked at. He decided he wants to give up custody and never see his son again. I haven't been on top of my financials at home, things are late.
I'm walking around with a sick feeling in my stomach all the time, not knowing what to attend to first. I feel like a chicken running around with it's head cut off. Which gets kinda depressing, and when I get depressed I do nothing. Great way to get back on top of things, no? Being overwhelmed with a frosting of guilt really bites.
I need about 80 hours to get caught up at work. I need to just sit down and do what needs to be done at home. My wonderful boss might be hooking me up with a pro bono lawyer to take care of the ex.
I haven't forgotten you, my dear blog. I need to take care of a few priorities so I have the free brain space to write. Right now, there's too much in my head. Need to empty the cache, so to speak.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Thank you
for all your 9/11 posts. I am very interested in the various remembrances of that day.
My Mother was pregnant with me, when JFK was assassinated. Every American citizen, above the age of 6, can recall where they were when they heard the news. The Kennedy Assassination was a polarizing event for America, not unlike 9/11.
September 11, 2001 is an event that will forever affect all Americans. For one, all too brief moment, race, color, and creed had no meaning. America, the almighty, had been humbled irrevocably. Our once immune continent had finally felt the effect of terrorism. We were Christened into a worldwide community. We lost our innocence, our virginity.
We were notified, at the cost of three thousand innocent American's, that we were not beyond the reach of fanatics that despised our way of life. Are you happy with our elected officials response to that notification?
I know that I wanted some form of retribution, or vengance for 9/11. I carry a void of lies and empty promises, from our current government officials telling me that those responsible would pay. It's been 5 years now, and Osama Bin Laden has still not been brought to justice. With all our advanced technology, how can one, physically handicapped individual, still evade our capture?
I have no answers, only opinions. I admit ignorance at all the politics involved. Politics sicken me, to the point that I don't even watch the evening news. BUT, with all our prestige of being the most powerful governmet on the planet, why does it seem beyond our capabilities, to capture a physically handicapped terrorist that apparently murdered 3,000 American Citizens?
On a much, much, lighter note: Why can men remember the exact screwdriver needed to change a license plate, yet not remember a birthday or anniversary?
My Mother was pregnant with me, when JFK was assassinated. Every American citizen, above the age of 6, can recall where they were when they heard the news. The Kennedy Assassination was a polarizing event for America, not unlike 9/11.
September 11, 2001 is an event that will forever affect all Americans. For one, all too brief moment, race, color, and creed had no meaning. America, the almighty, had been humbled irrevocably. Our once immune continent had finally felt the effect of terrorism. We were Christened into a worldwide community. We lost our innocence, our virginity.
We were notified, at the cost of three thousand innocent American's, that we were not beyond the reach of fanatics that despised our way of life. Are you happy with our elected officials response to that notification?
I know that I wanted some form of retribution, or vengance for 9/11. I carry a void of lies and empty promises, from our current government officials telling me that those responsible would pay. It's been 5 years now, and Osama Bin Laden has still not been brought to justice. With all our advanced technology, how can one, physically handicapped individual, still evade our capture?
I have no answers, only opinions. I admit ignorance at all the politics involved. Politics sicken me, to the point that I don't even watch the evening news. BUT, with all our prestige of being the most powerful governmet on the planet, why does it seem beyond our capabilities, to capture a physically handicapped terrorist that apparently murdered 3,000 American Citizens?
On a much, much, lighter note: Why can men remember the exact screwdriver needed to change a license plate, yet not remember a birthday or anniversary?
Monday, September 11, 2006
9/11
9 11
5 years.
How can it be 5 years already?
I watched several documentary/movies/specials over the weekend. Flight 93 was really good. I felt it was a realistic recreation of the events of that flight.
The Anatomy of 9/11 had me in awe of how they can figure out exactly what happened when the towers fell and why. I also learned about the inadequacy of the radio communications, which contributed to so many Firemen's deaths.
Last night I watched 9/11 and cried, almost through the entire movie. It aired on CBS, commercial free and unedited for language. If you haven't seen this yet - watch it. You won't be sorry, just have the kleenex ready.
On that day 5 years ago, our office gathered in the conference room and watched in horror as The Towers came down. That's when I left work and dismissed my son from school. Like the rest of the world, I spent the next few hours glued to the TV, numb from the reality of it all.
I remember "the look" on everyones face, numbness, and the eerie silence in the skies in the following days.
What angers me the most today, 5 years later?....Those responsible have still not been brought to justice as was promised to us, and we are involved in a war that we were led to believe was a necessary reaction to these attacks. Lies.
Where were you that day? What were you doing when you heard? How do you feel about it today?
5 years.
How can it be 5 years already?
I watched several documentary/movies/specials over the weekend. Flight 93 was really good. I felt it was a realistic recreation of the events of that flight.
The Anatomy of 9/11 had me in awe of how they can figure out exactly what happened when the towers fell and why. I also learned about the inadequacy of the radio communications, which contributed to so many Firemen's deaths.
Last night I watched 9/11 and cried, almost through the entire movie. It aired on CBS, commercial free and unedited for language. If you haven't seen this yet - watch it. You won't be sorry, just have the kleenex ready.
On that day 5 years ago, our office gathered in the conference room and watched in horror as The Towers came down. That's when I left work and dismissed my son from school. Like the rest of the world, I spent the next few hours glued to the TV, numb from the reality of it all.
I remember "the look" on everyones face, numbness, and the eerie silence in the skies in the following days.
What angers me the most today, 5 years later?....Those responsible have still not been brought to justice as was promised to us, and we are involved in a war that we were led to believe was a necessary reaction to these attacks. Lies.
Where were you that day? What were you doing when you heard? How do you feel about it today?
Monday, August 28, 2006
Overspill
This post is a bit raw. It's disjointed and more a stream of consciousness than anything. I've been avoiding posting about Dad's Cancer, because I've been avoiding thinking or feeling about it. You can only do that for so long before it smacks you in the face again. That happened yesterday afternoon. It's almost like I can only keep the emotions contained for so long before they swell up and need to be released. That being said, here's a Dad update.
Dad has a CT scan scheduled for today. Yesterday, He told me how he is anxious to see the results. I told him that I'd be thinking good thoughts and praying for positive news. I know there will be good results. I am willing good results. I want to know, I don't want to know. Dealing with this is such a rollercoaster of emotion.
I am in awe of my parents strength and love. October will bring their 43rd Wedding Anniversary. They have always been a team. Life has thrown all kinds of crap their way, this being the biggest steaming pile of shit anyone could step in. They are handling this with more courage and calm than I could ever imagine. I wish I could find a love like theirs someday.
Dad opened his Social Security statement from the daily mail. He told me he would receive the same benefit, if he took disability now or retired at 66. He kind of shrugged and said he's going to do that, apply for disability now. He said it so matter-of-factly, casually.
This simple statement struck me on many levels. Does he think he won't see 66? No. He said he was going to fight. But. Fighting doesn't necessarily mean winning. As always, Dad's being realistic, sensible. I cannot accept that reality. To me, there is no being sensible under these circumstances. The only acceptable option is beating it. Cancer does many unpredictable things: it goes into remission, it disappears. I know Dad believes this.
When we first got the diagnosis, my parents planned to sell the place in Maine. Dad didn't want to leave Mom with the burden of a second home. The last time I was in Maine, Dad made a comment to me & my brother about "Maybe we won't sell it at all". The look in his eye told me, he was thinking they wouldn't have to, that he would beat this.
Maybe, it's just because he's feeling so tired from the Chemo. The treatment that's wiping out the Cancer is also wearing down his spirit. Radiation and Chemo take an expensive toll on the healthy part of the body while killing off the cancerous cells.
I told Dad to go for it, as far as Social Security goes. Take the benefits. He's worked so hard for so long. They both have. I am not saying that to encourage enjoying the time his has left, like it's a limited time. My parents deserve to retire to Florida, play lots of golf and have their children visit often. (What do you think that spare bedroom would be for anyway?)
This isn't just a kick in the balls you defeatingly accept. I told him to go for it as a "Fuck You Cancer", I am going to beat your ass and live!
Dad has a CT scan scheduled for today. Yesterday, He told me how he is anxious to see the results. I told him that I'd be thinking good thoughts and praying for positive news. I know there will be good results. I am willing good results. I want to know, I don't want to know. Dealing with this is such a rollercoaster of emotion.
I am in awe of my parents strength and love. October will bring their 43rd Wedding Anniversary. They have always been a team. Life has thrown all kinds of crap their way, this being the biggest steaming pile of shit anyone could step in. They are handling this with more courage and calm than I could ever imagine. I wish I could find a love like theirs someday.
Dad opened his Social Security statement from the daily mail. He told me he would receive the same benefit, if he took disability now or retired at 66. He kind of shrugged and said he's going to do that, apply for disability now. He said it so matter-of-factly, casually.
This simple statement struck me on many levels. Does he think he won't see 66? No. He said he was going to fight. But. Fighting doesn't necessarily mean winning. As always, Dad's being realistic, sensible. I cannot accept that reality. To me, there is no being sensible under these circumstances. The only acceptable option is beating it. Cancer does many unpredictable things: it goes into remission, it disappears. I know Dad believes this.
When we first got the diagnosis, my parents planned to sell the place in Maine. Dad didn't want to leave Mom with the burden of a second home. The last time I was in Maine, Dad made a comment to me & my brother about "Maybe we won't sell it at all". The look in his eye told me, he was thinking they wouldn't have to, that he would beat this.
Maybe, it's just because he's feeling so tired from the Chemo. The treatment that's wiping out the Cancer is also wearing down his spirit. Radiation and Chemo take an expensive toll on the healthy part of the body while killing off the cancerous cells.
I told Dad to go for it, as far as Social Security goes. Take the benefits. He's worked so hard for so long. They both have. I am not saying that to encourage enjoying the time his has left, like it's a limited time. My parents deserve to retire to Florida, play lots of golf and have their children visit often. (What do you think that spare bedroom would be for anyway?)
This isn't just a kick in the balls you defeatingly accept. I told him to go for it as a "Fuck You Cancer", I am going to beat your ass and live!
Newly Hatched
I was walking Julieta, in her spiffy new handmade raincoat last night (pictures to come), when I saw a leaf in the street. At least, I thought it was a leaf, until it moved. It was actually this little guy:
That's a newly hatched Snapping Turtle Chelydra Syrpentina Serpentina
So newly hatched, he still had his egg tooth & yolk sac attached to his underside & his shell is still soft. I brought the little fella home and put him in some water and called my son. Every year we find Sun Turtles laying eggs in our yard. He's taken to marking them in permanent ink with the date to see if they come back each year.
Two years ago he caught this nasty looking fella:
Isn't that a face only a mother could love? He must have weighed in at 15 pounds, and had the nasty disposition Snapping Turtles are known for. They hiss and open up that ominous beak just daring you to get too close. You risk losing fingers if you do. They are extremely quick when they attack. It's how they hunt for food. They lie in wait, completely still and snatch their prey with speed only visible by slow motion camera. Though you can't tell from this picture - they can extend their necks halfway down their backs. They should only be picked up by their hind ends, hands safely away from their steel trap jaw.
The hatchling was much more docile, almost tame. He curled up his little tail and tried to pull inside his shell. Wouldn't you, if you were picked up by a giant 30 minutes after you hatched?
My son has visions of a new pet and wants me to set up a habitat for it. Although, it may be cute now, Snapping Turtles grow very quickly. The last thing we need is another reptile. We already have an Albino Corn Snake and a Leopard Gecko , add to that: two cats, a bird and the dog....Well, you get the picture.
He's waited for years in the hopes of catching a hatchling. I couldn't let this guy go without letting son see him first. He comes home Friday. We'll release it in the pond before son starts school next week. I'll bring the camera, maybe we can get some pics of the Swans with six babies that are on the pond too.
In the meantime, I have to go dig up some worms and buy some crickets to feed him.
That's a newly hatched Snapping Turtle Chelydra Syrpentina Serpentina
So newly hatched, he still had his egg tooth & yolk sac attached to his underside & his shell is still soft. I brought the little fella home and put him in some water and called my son. Every year we find Sun Turtles laying eggs in our yard. He's taken to marking them in permanent ink with the date to see if they come back each year.
Two years ago he caught this nasty looking fella:
Isn't that a face only a mother could love? He must have weighed in at 15 pounds, and had the nasty disposition Snapping Turtles are known for. They hiss and open up that ominous beak just daring you to get too close. You risk losing fingers if you do. They are extremely quick when they attack. It's how they hunt for food. They lie in wait, completely still and snatch their prey with speed only visible by slow motion camera. Though you can't tell from this picture - they can extend their necks halfway down their backs. They should only be picked up by their hind ends, hands safely away from their steel trap jaw.
The hatchling was much more docile, almost tame. He curled up his little tail and tried to pull inside his shell. Wouldn't you, if you were picked up by a giant 30 minutes after you hatched?
My son has visions of a new pet and wants me to set up a habitat for it. Although, it may be cute now, Snapping Turtles grow very quickly. The last thing we need is another reptile. We already have an Albino Corn Snake and a Leopard Gecko , add to that: two cats, a bird and the dog....Well, you get the picture.
He's waited for years in the hopes of catching a hatchling. I couldn't let this guy go without letting son see him first. He comes home Friday. We'll release it in the pond before son starts school next week. I'll bring the camera, maybe we can get some pics of the Swans with six babies that are on the pond too.
In the meantime, I have to go dig up some worms and buy some crickets to feed him.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Eye See You
The crows and bluejays were causing a ruckus, cawing and squawking. It was springtime in Maine and something was upsetting them. Upon investigation, Dad found this little guy:
I love this picture. Yes - those are my Dad's gentle hands.
How freakin cute is that? It's a fledgling Northern Saw-Whet Owl. The poor thing hadn't mastered flying just yet and was huddled at the base of a tree. Maybe Mom just got fed up and pushed him from the nest before he was ready to fly. Can't say I'd blame her - I have those thoughts all the time. The babe did try to fly and ended up in the lake - needing rescue. He never tried to attack or bite - was very docile.
(Got any witty captions for this photo?)
One of the neighbors took the owl to a local game preserve. It was probably released a short time later. It's very rare to see a Saw-Whet owl, I wish I was there.
I love this picture. Yes - those are my Dad's gentle hands.How freakin cute is that? It's a fledgling Northern Saw-Whet Owl. The poor thing hadn't mastered flying just yet and was huddled at the base of a tree. Maybe Mom just got fed up and pushed him from the nest before he was ready to fly. Can't say I'd blame her - I have those thoughts all the time. The babe did try to fly and ended up in the lake - needing rescue. He never tried to attack or bite - was very docile.
(Got any witty captions for this photo?)One of the neighbors took the owl to a local game preserve. It was probably released a short time later. It's very rare to see a Saw-Whet owl, I wish I was there.
Comparing Bites
Magazine Man posted an entertaining story about being lunchmeat for a spider. Various commenters have told of their own experiences with spider bites.
Unfortunately, I've had some experience as well. I never saw the attacker. It was a drive by biting. Two punctures close together on my neck. Unlike MM, I had no physical symptoms. What was both interesting and gross though, was how the skin necrotized from the poison. The wound ended up being more than 1/4 deep and I am left with this scar:
Here's a closer look:
This happened 3 years ago. My advice to you is: Be wary of spiders, especially the ones you don't see.
Unfortunately, I've had some experience as well. I never saw the attacker. It was a drive by biting. Two punctures close together on my neck. Unlike MM, I had no physical symptoms. What was both interesting and gross though, was how the skin necrotized from the poison. The wound ended up being more than 1/4 deep and I am left with this scar:
Here's a closer look:
This happened 3 years ago. My advice to you is: Be wary of spiders, especially the ones you don't see.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
The Party's Almost Over
Pardon my lack of posts the last week. I haven't really had anything interesting to say, I'm still working on a 2 or 3 part post, it's just emotionally wrenching to get through.
Son was home this weekend and spent about 5 minutes with me. He comes home for good in two weeks. He'd better come home with an improved attitude. He was not at all pleasant t0 be around this weekend. I cannot believe he is a junior this year. I am getting old.
Any money he made over the summer (very little) he spent on a new Boost Mobile cell phone. The big plans of working all summer with his father never really happened (like so many of ex's promises.) Son was supposed to be saving for car insurance so he can register his truck. He thinks he's so smart. He informed me that he can't get a job without his truck. I laughed. I felt very old and cliche` when I informed him: "When I was your age, I road my bike 4 miles to and from my after school job." (Uphill, both ways, in blizzards). He'll just have to do the same or, get a job near a school bus drop off point and I can pick him up after work. His normal teen tendency towards instant satisfaction is exacerbated by his ADHD. He's certainly old enough to learn some patience and how to save money if he wants something. At this rate though - he'll be walking until he's 30.
The summer is almost over and, I am sad. It was much easier to adjust to being alone than I though it would be. Kind of nice actually. The house stays clean. I do two loads of laundry a week instead of one a day. I run the dishwasher once every 10 days instead of 2 or 3. My grocery bill is 1/3 of what it is when he is home, ditto with the electric bill. I have only been home two of the last 8 weekends. Having a life is kinda nice. Already, I can't wait for next summer.
One comment son did make this weekend brought me some satisfaction though. He begged me on Friday to buy some of his favorite junk food for snacks. He complained that he gets no snacks and only kool aid to drink at Dad's. (Maybe Mom isn't the Wicked Witch after all). I granted his request with the stipulation that this is a one time deal, when he moves back home he will have whole foods to snack on - no more, sugar filled, empty calorie, expensive cakes, cookies or preprocessed crap. He's going to have to learn to live without Doritos and Hostess and God forbid, - eat more fruit!
While I have learned to enjoy some freedom for the first time in several years, I hope my son & ex have learned a bit too. Ex: that it isn't so easy being an actual parent of a teenager. Son: that it really isn't so bad living with Mom and he actually has it pretty damn good with me. We will see how quickly the memories fade once school starts.
Here's to one last weekend of FREEDOM.
Son was home this weekend and spent about 5 minutes with me. He comes home for good in two weeks. He'd better come home with an improved attitude. He was not at all pleasant t0 be around this weekend. I cannot believe he is a junior this year. I am getting old.
Any money he made over the summer (very little) he spent on a new Boost Mobile cell phone. The big plans of working all summer with his father never really happened (like so many of ex's promises.) Son was supposed to be saving for car insurance so he can register his truck. He thinks he's so smart. He informed me that he can't get a job without his truck. I laughed. I felt very old and cliche` when I informed him: "When I was your age, I road my bike 4 miles to and from my after school job." (Uphill, both ways, in blizzards). He'll just have to do the same or, get a job near a school bus drop off point and I can pick him up after work. His normal teen tendency towards instant satisfaction is exacerbated by his ADHD. He's certainly old enough to learn some patience and how to save money if he wants something. At this rate though - he'll be walking until he's 30.
The summer is almost over and, I am sad. It was much easier to adjust to being alone than I though it would be. Kind of nice actually. The house stays clean. I do two loads of laundry a week instead of one a day. I run the dishwasher once every 10 days instead of 2 or 3. My grocery bill is 1/3 of what it is when he is home, ditto with the electric bill. I have only been home two of the last 8 weekends. Having a life is kinda nice. Already, I can't wait for next summer.
One comment son did make this weekend brought me some satisfaction though. He begged me on Friday to buy some of his favorite junk food for snacks. He complained that he gets no snacks and only kool aid to drink at Dad's. (Maybe Mom isn't the Wicked Witch after all). I granted his request with the stipulation that this is a one time deal, when he moves back home he will have whole foods to snack on - no more, sugar filled, empty calorie, expensive cakes, cookies or preprocessed crap. He's going to have to learn to live without Doritos and Hostess and God forbid, - eat more fruit!
While I have learned to enjoy some freedom for the first time in several years, I hope my son & ex have learned a bit too. Ex: that it isn't so easy being an actual parent of a teenager. Son: that it really isn't so bad living with Mom and he actually has it pretty damn good with me. We will see how quickly the memories fade once school starts.
Here's to one last weekend of FREEDOM.
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