Heard this morning in the car....

I left a list of chores for you to do after school on the coffee table.

It better not be a long list. I'll leave. You're going to have to clean the house when I'm gone.

Listen, the dishes I told you to take car of Monday are still sitting in the sink three days later.

I have homework.

You are not going to do 20 minutes of homework and then play 6 hours of videogames. You make most of the mess in the house, you don't have a job, you will do your chores and be grateful for it.

Maybe I won't be home when you get there. Maybe I'll just move out.

Promise?!

Silence

Perky Dreams

My girlfriend D has been trying to get me to go to her kickboxing class for a few weeks now. I finally gave in and went Monday. It was an intense hour. I was winded, dripping with sweat, and my arms weighed ten pounds more than when I went in. I felt good though. I came home and soaked in a hot bath, in hopes of alleviating any muscle soreness the next day.

Either the water wasn't hot enough, or I didn't soak long enough. I hurt in places I didn't know existed. We had done a lot of push-ups, punches and lifting/tossing heavy balls. I thought my boobs were going to fall off, my chest hurt so badly. I could barely lift my arms over my head. I felt like an arthritis 90 year old, and I walked like one too.

My legs weren't as sore. All the walking I've been doing saved me there. But, three days later and my hips still complain when I get up from sitting.

I'll be 42 in a couple weeks and I'm not happy about it. I want to fight aging with every fiber of my being. I want to wear a bathing suit without a big T-shirt over it.I want to be around to see my grandchildren someday. So, it looks like I'll be going back for more punishment.

I look at it this way: All of that upper body work just could reverse a bit gravity damage. It just might make the girls perky again.

Hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

Back from vacation

I was home for April vacation with my son. We didn't do anything really. Saw Ice Age 2, the big meltdown - which was great, did yard work...and that's about it. It was a relaxing week though. I stayed away from my PC for the most part - didn't check work E-mail once - now it's going to take me half the day to go through it all.

Anyhoo, we watched the Chamber of Secrets last night and I came across this in my E-mail:


More Funny Videos at Crapazoid.com

This is too funny.

Panic Attack

I arrived home tonight, after a brief thunder and hail storm to a disaster in my living room. I think I've told you how petrified of thunderstorms the dog is.

Today's storm scared the shit out of her, literally. She also ripped up one of my curtains and destroyed the curtain rod. It was when I was letting her out that I found the teeth marks in the door nob and a dent in the door.

My poor baby must have been going out of her mind. Either I'm pulling the crate out again and using that, or I'm looking into a Storm Defender coat for her.

At this point, anything is worth a try to relieve her panic.

Yes, it's all about me

Last night was a bit better. My son came with us for a walk.

Julieta did OK until my son found a basketball in a length of road where people dump all kinds of stuff. He bounced it and I thought she was going to piddle. I understand the life she's led and she's never seen a basketball before - my son doesn't. She didn't want to go anywhere near that loud thing and she'd squint her eyes every time it hit the pavement. Poor thing. We figured out a good trick though. My son lagged behind a bit and every time I said "Pick up the pace" to the dog, he'd bounce the ball. She moved a lot quicker then and kept right in the "heel" position next to my left leg.

We walked for about a half hour and then got back to the house. We didn't do enough distance in that half hour so I went out again and did a couple more loops around the park. I got in 2.5 miles.

My son was whining that he didn't want me to go back out, he wanted me to stay and watch The Goblet of Fire with him. My petit mon ami is a sabateur! Just shy of 16 and he didn't want me to go back out?! I've raised a woos. Well, little chick is in for a rude awakening. It's been all about him for the last 16 years. Like any mother would do, I've sacrificed, gone without, and put off things I'd like to do. I always tried to do what was best for my son. This has backfired on me in a way. Part of it is his age, but part of it is that he's become spoiled and selfish and thinks he's entitled to whatever he wants. 4 words - Dude, get a job!

It's time I started taking some time for me and taking care of me. I deserve it.

Pick up the Pace!

You'd honestly think that you'd have a hard time keeping up with a dog as fast as a Greyhoud when out for a walk. And, honestly, you'd be wrong.

Julieta loves to go for a walk. She loves to stop and smell the shit, and even leave P-Mail. She freezes up when she hears a any dog barking and needs an encouraging push in the butt to get moving again. She knows where the big loud dog lives and will do anything to avoid the area. She has to stop and say hello to any human being within eyesight, and she's got great vision. We have to stop by the side of the road to let cars pass, she's got no "car sense". She freezes and whimpers if she sees another dog, even if it's one of those little dust mops. She approaches with caution and doesn't like excited puppies getting in her face.

I thought I'd be able to incorporate walking the dog with my walk training program. No such luck though. All the stopping and starting does nothing for my intensity or heart rate. I had to drop the dog back at the house and got in a quick mile.

The dogwalking will have to be a separate leisure pace from training. Bummer.

Fear and Loathing in Massachusetts

Where could someone possibly be going at 1:45 AM, on a Wednesday night/Thursday morning? Why do they feel it necessary to rev the motor every single time they start the engine? Is it to announce to the neighborhood - we're leaving now! Of course they announce their return at 2:20AM by revving the motor again before shutting of the engine. The headers amplify the throaty rumbling as if to shout - We are so fucking cool.

It must have been a Dunkin Donuts coffee run, yea, that's it - coffee.

Daylight Sleeping Time

Is anyone elses ass dragging with the time change?

My biological clock is all jammed up, she's demanding a nap after work to make up for getting ripped of an hour of sleep this morning.

Who am I to argue?

And the Clampetts Live On

No pictures of me dancing a jig have been posted, so I am sure that you have all guessed by now that my neighbors haven't left. In fact, now there is a new boyfriend in the picture. Yes, charming looking black dude with braids and a do-rag. He resembles the street corner drug dealers you see on Cops, and his face is showing some mileage. He doesn't seem to have a vehicle of his own, so they come & go in her ex husbands car that she is driving because her mini van is busted and has been sitting in the driveway for 6 months now. He only appeared in the last week and it seems like he just showed up one day and now he lives there, or the Mom shows up in the morning in the clothes she left in the previous night.

Isn't that a family oriented Mom with her priorities in the right place?

I also saw her son sneakily hanging outside the house Friday. Like he was going to try and climb in a window until he heard some noise in the house. He scuttled off and miraculously reappeared at 2PM. Hmmm....left the house after the bus pick up time had come and gone.....shows up before the bus would even drop him off. I doubt Mom is even aware that her son skipped school since she was sleeeping off arriving back home at 3AM (I know this because I was woken up by the loud exhaust as she pulled in the driveway).

There must be a special hell for mothers like her, at least I hope there is.

I've got a 4 month log of the noise that I have to listen to day in & day out. I have to copy it into word and drop it off at the managers office, for all the good it will do.

Random Anecdote

Every once and a while my son shows a wit and humor that both surprises and delights me. It's a side of him I don't see near often enough. It rarely peeks through the sulking, angry teenage angst. It's a dry wit that I hope will develop in his adulthood. He deadpans hilarious quips that make me do a doubletake.

Case in point:

I complied with my sons request for Pringles at the grocery store, knowing the entire container would be gone in a matter of hours. These were new Pringles though. Something for the salt craving couch potatoes that yearn to learn. (Uh huh, right). Maybe it's just a new marketing tactic aimed at parents, junk food that's good for your kids brain. I didn't feel guilty buying them, it's something I may allow him to indulge in only 3 or 4 times a year.

You see, these Pringles are printed with green dye trivia questions on them. Trivial Pursuit in a can, and you get to eat the salt laden pressed potato substance cards when you're done reading them. You win the game (and a few clogged arteries) when you finish the can. At least the chips are more likely to be consumed individually this way.

Son was actually surprised that I knew the answers to so many completely useless questions. "What's the nearest galaxy to ours?" "What madmade wonder of the world can be seen from space?" Etc. He liked it better when I said I didn't know. We did this back and forth for a while until he came to one question I couldn't answer. "What was the heaviest dinosaur that ever lived?" He queried. I thought for a moment guessed Brachiosaurus.

He grinned with delight at stumping me. "Bruhathkayaosaurus matleyi, It weighed in at 220 tons. Sheesh, and you think you're fat."