Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Random Anecdote

Every once and a while my son shows a wit and humor that both surprises and delights me. It's a side of him I don't see near often enough. It rarely peeks through the sulking, angry teenage angst. It's a dry wit that I hope will develop in his adulthood. He deadpans hilarious quips that make me do a doubletake.

Case in point:

I complied with my sons request for Pringles at the grocery store, knowing the entire container would be gone in a matter of hours. These were new Pringles though. Something for the salt craving couch potatoes that yearn to learn. (Uh huh, right). Maybe it's just a new marketing tactic aimed at parents, junk food that's good for your kids brain. I didn't feel guilty buying them, it's something I may allow him to indulge in only 3 or 4 times a year.

You see, these Pringles are printed with green dye trivia questions on them. Trivial Pursuit in a can, and you get to eat the salt laden pressed potato substance cards when you're done reading them. You win the game (and a few clogged arteries) when you finish the can. At least the chips are more likely to be consumed individually this way.

Son was actually surprised that I knew the answers to so many completely useless questions. "What's the nearest galaxy to ours?" "What madmade wonder of the world can be seen from space?" Etc. He liked it better when I said I didn't know. We did this back and forth for a while until he came to one question I couldn't answer. "What was the heaviest dinosaur that ever lived?" He queried. I thought for a moment guessed Brachiosaurus.

He grinned with delight at stumping me. "Bruhathkayaosaurus matleyi, It weighed in at 220 tons. Sheesh, and you think you're fat."

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Missing you

I've been so busy kicking ass at work that I haven't had time to blog. When I get home at night, the last thing I want to do is get back on a computer. I have neglected you dear blog and I miss you. I'm taking 5 minutes after scarfing down lunch to post a quickie.

I spoke with the ex briefly on Saturday. I only got about every 4th word that he said (get a better cell phone asswipe), but what I did get didn't surprise me. I think it was about having our son spend the summer with his father, he could get a summer job and save some money to put into this wonderful money pit of a pick up truck that was supposed to be a Christmas present. Aren't presents supposed to be presents and not cost you anything? What good is a truck for a present that my son will have to sink a couple thousand dollars into just to get it legal & drivable? This is my ex's idea of a great gift.

Now, I bet you're asking yourself what happened to living with his father? The only positive spin I can put on this is that my ex actually thought something through. It wouldn't have been easy driving 30 miles to drop my son off to school every morning and to pick him up. Perhaps my ex realizes it's harder being a real parent than he thought it was. I think it's more likely that his wife pointed all this out to him.

But, and this is a big one that I will have to make abundantly clear when we finally do talk. If he's doing this thing for the summer, then it will be the entire summer until school starts. He cannot bail two weeks into it because he "can't handle it" (the ex, not the kid). I would need to make arrangements for my son for the summer now if he would be staying with me.

It will be interesting to see how all this plays out.


I Know I still have 3 days left to go. You have no idea what a long 3 weeks it's been. My Thursday night reprieves really do help keep me sane and I appreciate them now more than ever.

I'm going to kiss them and hug them and thank them and I will call them George....ooops Bugs Bunny slip there.

I've missed them.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Not Sweatin' the Small Stuff

Son broke up with his girlfriend, twice. Of course the first time was my fault because he was grounded from using the phone??? How the hell does he figure that? I know it was just an excuse and he was pissed at me.

there's another reason though.

Son saw the printouts I brought home for bootcamps, wilderness camps and boarding schools, got him quakin'. He relayed my "plan" to his father in a phone call. My ex is too stupid to figure out it's a parental control measure. He starts going on about how I couldn't afford it (I think he was more afraid he'd have to pay some. Considering he's been paying reduced support for 3 years now because of a foot injury, I think he got to quakin' too). My ex husband, who cannot even visit regularly with his son, who has only once in 15 years managed to keep his son for 6 days asked our son if he wanted to go and live with he and his wife.

Are you laughing? I'm laughing. I had to run into the other room and practically suffocate myself with a pillow cause I was laughing so hard. Of course, he needed to talk with his wife first.

There is a little girl that lives near sons father that calls son on the phone all the time. This is the real reason I think he broke up with girlfriend #1. I told him to stay away from girl # 2 though, she's only 13 and much too young. Could be a dangerous situation, but then, Dad would be the one worrying about that, right?

He hasn't called me yet. I know in my heart there is only one reason he's doing this: so he won't have to pay any child support and hopes that I'll have to pay him support. He doesn't get it, never will. I'll let the judge explain it to him. I will go court and make this official, I want it on record when Dear old Dad sends his some home within a week. That's how long I give it, a week. I hope that's long enough to make son realize..It ain't so bad with Mom. I'm sure he'll figure it out quickly when Dad is loaded come 1PM every day. Let son mouth off to Dad like he does me and he could be needing some dental work, Dad won't take that shit.

We shall see what happens. I'll keep you informed.

My Mom & Dad & Grandmother are leaving tomorrow for three glorious weeks on the gulf coast of Florida. They certainly deserve it. The last year has been a tough one. My Grandmother is very excited to go. The cold New England weather gets to her. She isn't as bad as my Grandfather was, he always had the heat set to 80 degrees.

I hope they have wonderful weather, a safe trip and enjoy themselves immensely.

I get to birdsit their cockatiel "Pretty Bird", just another addition to the menagerie. I have to keep her separated from Galileo though, Galileo likes to chase Pretty Bird around. Even though she's less than half Pretty Bird's size. My Dad warned me, "She's been working out, I've been teaching her karate". Right.

My bird can still kick your birds arse.

Poor Julieta just might pack her bags and run away.

So much for my rambling update.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Caption Fun

Enter your own caption

I sent this picture out in an E-mail yesterday to my forward list with "Enter your own caption" in the subject line. I didn't expect any responses, the picture was just too "Bush" not to forward along. The captions my buddy came up with are just to fricken funny not to share. I was laughing so I hard I think I peed a little. Consider that your coffee spewing alert.

Please feel free to add your own captions in comments.

Dave's Captions:

I see your point Mr. President

Anybody seen Dick?

Nice Bush, George

I always thought this idiot was a little cocky

I wonder if Osamas hiding in here!

I thought you were with the SECRET Service!

Nucalar&nucalear&ahh, Ill never get it right!

Gee, the top of his head looks awfully familiar

Hey, Ive have Spongebob Squarepants underwear too!

Anybody up for a game of Texas Hold em?

Poor Laura

I cant wait to get this guy up to Camp David

Brokeback [Capital] Hill

Why cant I quit you?

I didnt see the movie, I swear to god I didnt see the movie

Remain steadfast and hard Mr. President

This guys hung like a White House Mouse

Why am I the only one smiling?

Dave just can't stop, he sent these this morning:


“And now…the head of the civilized world…”

“How can they expect me to pull out of Iraq when I can’t even pull my dick out of my own pants?”

“Cammando in Chief”

“I thought everything was supposed to be BIGGER in Texas”

“Clarence Thomas, eat your heart out!”

“That’s not my gun Mr. President”

(George saying to himself) “Hilary Clinton, Hilary Clinton, Hilary Clinton”

“Is oral sex, sex?”…”Get Bill Clinton on the line!”

“And you wanna be my Supreme Court Justice nominee…”

“Hail to the Chief”

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Scare Tactics

Move over Doherty, bubye Baldwin. I am the queen of Scare Tactics.

I knew my son was more than nervous, when I told him in my "calmer than I really felt" demeaner I was calling DSS in the morning.

He called me from school today to ask if I had called yet.

He called me when he got to Grampas to ask again.

He asked how my day was going.

I told him not so good, I had spent most of the day researching Military schools, boots camps and residental programs for troubled teens. I actually heard the "GULP".

Then finally! I got what I was waiting for: "Well, please at least give me a week to change my attitude". I silently did the "YES!" maneuver. "But how many opportunities do you need to change your attitude? I can't take it anymore son". This was just for emphasis to let him know how serious I was. A little more begging and an "I'll think about it" for good measure.

No matter how much he puffs up his still hairless chest or how grown up he feels, it's still a big bad scary world outside Momma's house. He knows it, I know it. He's going to push the limits, I understand this. I won't tolerate disrespect though. Although he towers over me now by several inches, I brought him into this world and I will sure as hell take him out.

He found the line and is backing away slowly.

Oh, and I'm not stopping to buy a bottle of Bacardi on the way home?

Let's get ready to RUMBLE!

I was fighting with my son last night. I was so upset and depressed about it that I fell asleep at 7:30. I didn't work out and I totally missed Lost.

This was a problem that spilled over from Tuesday night, a problem which grounded my son from the phone that has been superglued to his ear the last 3 weeks.

He didn't learn his lesson. I warned him to keep his mouth shut, but Noooooooo. He had to keep at it. He had to call me a bitch. He had to insult me. He pushed me to the point of being grounded for a month. He made empty threat of calling his father to see if he could go live with him. Right, you think you are going to go live with a man who can't even handle weekend visits?

He pushed my buttons big time. He pushed me to the very edge where I just wanted to rip his face off. He pushed me so far that I am looking up wilderness camps and residential treatment for troubled teens online. He pushed me to the point of saying "Fine, you hate it hear so much? I'll give DSS a call in the morning and you can go live in a foster home".

I'm ready to pack his bags and throw him out the door. My son is not only ADHD he is ODD. Which means I say black - he says white and then he chases the chicken across the road.

I'm done. I can't take it anymore. Thank God he is staying at my parents tonight. Then I'll feel all guilty and things will chill for a bit while the cycle starts all over again.

I'll be dead by the time they get back from their 3 week Florida trip.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I love my commentors!

I do. They crack me up, they put a smile on my face and always give an encouraging word. You guys are the best.

Kfarmer - I never thought of myself as inspiring but have at it girl! I'm glad I could help. I too, got off my fat ass last night and walked on the treadmill for an hour, 2.65 miles, then stretched for 10 minutes. The television view isn't all that different from the couch to the treamill. It's still hovering around 12 degrees at night, too cold for a walk outside. I can't wait for SPRING!

Chunks - You are a hoot. Great idea with the suntan lotion and light, and music is always a lift for me (hence the blasting Billy Joel right now). I especially like the idea of beating the living daylights out of a stranger... But I'm afraid the satisfaction would be replaced by debilitating guilt too quickly. Maybe a picture of someone I'm pissed at and some darts would work?!


I was all sweaty and out of breath when I finished strong on my treadmill, and it felt good. I was done for the night. I didn't have to beat myself up for being lazy last night. I took a quick shower and put on the cosiest PJs and my fluffiest robe before I curled up on the couch to relax. I ended up going to bed at 9:15 and woke up before the alarm at 5:30. I'm in the best mood I've been in for quite some time now. I still felt that "off" feeling, but have done my best to just ignore it.

I even did my best to not get pissed off when my bad neighbors alarm went off at 6:15AM. Yes folks, he uses his stereo as an alarm, set to a radio station. So, at 6:15 every morning I hear a loud muffled voice with plenty of base like it was in the next room. But, I didn't let it get to me today.

I'm going to enjoy my oatmeal & green tea now while I check some E-mails and get to work.

Have a NICE day! I meant that most sincerely.